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  1. #1
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    Question Need to make a decision regarding my son

    Hi, I am currently in the final stretch of pregnancy and my partner and myself are contemplating getting our son circumcised at birth.
    Now please don't think we are making this decision lightly. All I want to do is what is best for my baby.

    The only real reason we are debating the issue is because my partner unfortunately had to have the procedure done a few years back as a young adult due to a medical issue. He was unable to pull back his foreskin without experiencing extreme pain, in the end it got so bad we were having intercourse one night and were extremely alarmed to discover he had actually torn the foreskin which resulted in a lot of blood loss and A LOT of pain. Now I had to stand back and watch his slow recovery where he was unable to sleep comfortably, he couldn't walk properly for almost a week, and months of pain killers. It would have taken him close to 3 months before he was a-okay. Granted he is fine now and has not had a problem since, so it was well worth the money and recovery time.

    It just kills me to think our son may also have to deal with this later on in his life. I would hate for him to go through what my partner did.
    But we have no way of knowing if this will actually effect our son. For all we know he could go about his life with no problems what so ever. So here lies our problem. Do we eliminate the risk altogether and have him circumcised or do we "just see how he goes".

    Of course I would never want to put my baby through any unnecessary pain but I have been told by medical staff that it is much better to do it as an infant. Also being a first time mum, I am scared enough that I will do something wrong and if I will cope with the demands of motherhood,
    I fear putting him through circumcision may make matters worse. HOWEVER my feelings will be put aside to be replaced by my sons need's.

    So my question is this, are there any parents out there whom have had to make a similar decision and if so what was the outcome. I am not looking for someone to tell me I am a horrible person for considering the procedure, I am simply a soon to be mother wanting to do the best for her baby.
    Any productive and or serious advice would be very much appreciated.

    Thank everyone!

  2. #2
    HugsBunny's Avatar
    HugsBunny is offline Once upon a time there was a bunny.........
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    Hun, the best thing you can do for your son is to leave him be. 'What if' isn't really a reason to remove a piece of his skin - if he wasn't meant to have it then he wouldn't be born with it.

    Unless there is a valid medical reason, I don't believe boys should be circumcised at birth based on something that might or might not happen.

    I say this as a mother who was unsure what to do with her first born son, but was pushed by her son's father to have the procedure done. I called him in tears from the waiting room saying I didn't want to go through with it but he told me it 'just had to be done'. There was no medical reason for it whatsoever. It wasn't until I joined bubhub months later that I realised that I was right, it didn't 'just have to be done' at all. He was perfect just the way he was.

    My second born son was born with an incomplete foreskin and a condition called 'hypospadias' which required surgical repair at the age of 8 months. What little foreskin he DID have was used in the repair and he now looks circumcised, but wasn't. If he hadn't had the surgical repair, it would have had MAJOR repercussions on his life as he grew older, even affecting his fertility later in life.

    Had that foreskin been removed 'routinely', I don't know what the surgeons would have done to repair his condition.

    I think instead of looking at a foreskin as a spare part that can be thrown away, perhaps we need to look at it as a spare part that needs to be kept 'just in case'. After all, isn't the huge thing at the moment, 'Reduce, Reuse, Recycle'?

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    Having two girls I haven't had to really think about it! But a friend with a boy who is close to a year has been having trouble finding a doctor to do it for her son now he's older - his foreskin is apparently a bit tight? Never having seen a baby boy's bits I don't know :/
    Maybe ask a couple more doctors why they'd recommend?
    Good luck with your decision!

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    It's a very personal choice but if it were me, I wouldn't remove it just in case. Just because his dad had issues doesn't mean he will. I had a friend whose 7 year old was circumcised recently due to issues with it and he didn't suffer very much from the operation. I personally couldn't do it to a newborn. The thought of it give me the shivers. It's very personal though and there are people in the hub that have very strong views about it.

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    I liken it to having your tonsils or appendix removed at birth because of a family history...?? It just doesn't make sense.
    Having your tonsils out as an adult is a gazzillion times worse than as a child but it still doesn't happen!!

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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I'd just wait and see... because of his Dad's issue at least you're aware of the potential problem and your DS will have the added benefit of a Dad who knows the symptoms if something is up.

    It may not happen to your DS.

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    I won't be much help and I don't have a son of my own, but I decided a couple of years ago, if I have boys I'm letting my DH decide. I have no idea what it's like to have a penis do would rather someone with one to make the decision

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    Agree with OJandMe. DH had to have his removed at age 4 as he was getting recurrent infections and I think it was also too tight. I have researched into this a fair bit because of this (we don't know if we are having a boy or girl) and decided not to purely based on 'what if'. Best of luck with your decision, I know its not an easy one. I suppose at the end of the day I didn't read anywhere that the problems DH had were genetically linked or likely to be passed on so that made my decision for me.

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    The best thing you and your partner can do is alot of research. Speak to doctors and get their opinion.
    Its a personal choice and not something to be guilted into.
    I understand where you are coming from. Listen to peoples opinions and sit down with your partner and have a long discussion.
    Good luck.

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    Three points that may be worth considering.

    Foreskin length/tightness etc does not "run in the family", as far as anyone can tell.

    Second, your DH's experience is testament to the fact that we need better education about these matters, either in the family or school (PD classes). Most cases of non-retractile foreskin can be dealt with conservatively, and should be if the issue is not resolved by the conclusion of puberty.

    Third, more than 90% of males will never have any issues with their foreskins (see this post for fuller analysis), so "just in case" would not seem justified.

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