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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    I would support her with whatever she wanted to do. If she wanted to have the baby I would do whatever I could to make sure she didn't give up on study and a career - I would help her financially, babysit often, whatever she needed.

    I would also help her sort out whatever she wanted to do in terms of the father - if they weren't together I would help her with organising child support, mediation, court orders etc. If they were together I would make sure she knew she could always count on me enough to know that she didn't have to stay with him just because of the baby.

    And finally, if she wanted to terminate I would support her in that as well, and make sure it was 100% her decision and no one else's.
    I think Id do the same....after a big hug.

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    I got pregnant at 18 and had no help at all.
    If the same thing happened to my daughter I'd give her all the support she needed. If she was in school I'd do as much as I could to make sure she stayed in school and got a good career so didn't have to depend on centrelink.

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    I would feel disappointed, but would support her emotionally and financially during her pregnancy and motherhood if that is what she wanted.

    If she opted to terminate, then I would support her emotionally and financially (pay for the termination and subsequent counselling.

    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    I am honestly a little taken about by the amount of people who say they would want their kid to study and work straight away. I understand not wanting your child to become a complete bludger, but what is wrong with the child wanting to be a SAHM or spending the first few years bonding with the child?
    I agree, however I would prefer my DD to undertake some study. The delivery of education is so flexible now that I don't think it would be unreasonable for her to do tertiary preparation studies, tafe or uni, at home or on campus, while raising her child. I would hate for her to end up in a centrelink/poverty cycle due to teenage pregnancy and would do everything I could to prevent this.

  4. #84
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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Arguing semantics here, but I think it is possible to be disappointed without being hypocritical. Being disappointed is acceptable, but showing it or badgering the person about it would be hypocritical.
    Well to clarify, I wouldn't be disappointed as I wasn't married, didn't work full time, was In The middle of studying, still lived at home etc when I fell pregnant at 20. 5 years later DH and I now have 2 kids together and are doing really well for ourselves.... I am so so so glad that we decided to have our kids young so I would love for my daughter to experience the same

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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way about other SAHM that are on government payments (that the lower their likelyhood is to study and the longer they'd be a burden), or just feel extra strong about it because it would be your daughter?
    Not picking you out specifically, just this post stood out to me.
    Personally I see being a sahm as a privilege for those who can afford to do it ... This is why most mothers go back to work or study (to get into employment) ... I don't see it as a right and I especially don't see it as a right for those who are receiving welfare.

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  7. #86
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    I was in the middle of studying when I fell pregnant (DH was working full time) and once DD was born I returned to part time work and recommended studying externally when she was about 1 year old.

    We moved into a rental before DD was born, got married roughly the same time, bought our first property when she was, finished uni and changed jobs, had DS, DH started his own business allowing me to be a SAHM, and we've just bought our second property.

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    Quote Originally Posted by London View Post
    Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way about other SAHM that are on government payments (that the lower their likelyhood is to study and the longer they'd be a burden), or just feel extra strong about it because it would be your daughter?
    Not picking you out specifically, just this post stood out to me.
    I sort of do feel the same but more so for young folks. The longer it's been since you've studied, the harder it is to get back into the groove. If the 18 year old has just finished highschool, and they take 5 years of it would be harder for them to study (not to mention being heaps behind peers their own age).

    - I know there are folks on here who have successfully studied with kids later in life. So I'm not saying its not possible.

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    I would be disappointed, but provide whatever support necessary.

    I would strongly encourage and support her in obtaining a career and education (look after the baby, pay for courses etc), as I believe it's very dangerous to put yourself in a position where you need to rely on other people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    But uni takes 3 years min - not the 6-12 months you say you would only help her for. How you choose to deal with the situation is your choice but there are confusing messages here. You don't want her to be a bludger and live off the state or you (which long term I get). But then you would only give her 6-12 months before you put her out... which would mean at best a cert 2 or 3 at tafe and a higher likelihood of living off welfare. Part of education is breaking the cycle of poverty. If she can't study, and has to do min wage jobs then she will be in poverty...
    Perhaps you've misunderstood. I'd support my daughter having 6-12 months as a SAHM then I support her through her entire degree whether it be 3 or 5 years.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I think 6-12 months at home on welfare/grandparents generosity is fair enough. I'd just be worried the longer the daughter was a SAHM, the lower the likelihood shed actually continue with study. And the longer she'd be a financial burden to her family/the state.
    I don't really see how being a SAHM at 18 is really much more of a disadvantage than being one at say 28. Either way, it is a break from the workforce which realistically does make it harder to get back into work, regardless of age or experience.

    The way I see it, the child of a young parent is no less deserving of having a SAHM than a child of an older mum. So if a young mum wants to stay at home to raise her child until thy reach school age, and has to receive welfare in order for this to be possible, then I fully support that. However, I would encourage them to start considering their options regarding work/study as the child gets closer to school age.

    I had my son at 18. I lived with my parents and stayed at home with him until he was 2, and then I moved out and did my year 12 through tafe. And next year I will be starting uni! I can tell you now, if I hadn't have had my child at a young age, I wouldn't have achieved all that I have so far. He gives me the motivation to aspire for more - the same can be said of many young mothers that I know. There is such a bad stereotype against young mothers in our society, thanks to the very few that set a bad example, that the majority of us feel immense pressure to prove that we are more than just the typical "dole bludgers" that we are made out to be.

    Anyway, as for how I would feel....I would feel a little disappointed at first, especially if the circumstances were less than ideal. Mainly because I would hope for more for my child, I wouldn't want to see her struggle like I did. But I would be supportive nonetheless, as I understand how hard being a young mum can be at times! I would help out where possible, whilst also ensuring that she takes full responsibility for raising her own child.


 

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