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  1. #1
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    Default "spoiling" your child

    What are your thoughts on this topic?

    My biggest questions are:

    *At what age do you believe it becomes possible to spoil your baby/child?

    *Which actions on our part as parents cause this? (e.g. Still racing to rescue your baby at their first sound/grizzle/quest for attention once they're beyond X number of months...) I am not talking about letting them cry by themselves or anything.

    I'm starting to think I could be hitting a better balance between building up trust and responding immediately, and allowing bubs to experience having to wait for short periods, work some things out by himself, now that he's getting older.

    Lend me your wisdom ?

  2. #2
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    I think there is no such thing as spoiling a baby. Spoiling only can be a problem IMO when the child is older say at a guess 2-3 when they have better language. Spoiling to me = I want a lolly I want I want I want. If the mum always gives in especially when bad behavior or bad manners have been used that's spoiling.

    How old is you LO?

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  4. #3
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    I don't beleive you can spoil a child with love or affection. However, you can "spoil" a child by giving them too much "stuff".. buying them a toy every time you go to the shops, going way over the top with Christmas and birthdays, creating a sense of entitlement. Not teaching them to value what they have in life and allowing them to have everything they want. Also, giving in to demands.. for us that started around age 3. We would walk through the shops and he would throw a tanty because he wanted every hotwheels car and train set. I think another thing is encouraging them to be a good sport from the beginning. Focus on team activities, teaching them to both win and lose in a gracious way. Don't tell them constantly that they are the "best". I know some people these days hate competition in young kids but I think its healthy personally.
    It's hard. Really so many children are very "indulged" as my mum would say lol.. I think its one thing to have a privelleged life and your child is part of that.. and treating your child like a little prince./princess.

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    Sorry I realise your question is more about babies.. again, I don't think you can spoil a baby by responding to their needs. Crying is their way to communicate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lissy12 View Post
    I'm starting to think I could be hitting a better balance between building up trust and responding immediately, and allowing bubs to experience having to wait for short periods, work some things out by himself, now that he's getting older.
    How old is he?

    I firmly belive you can't spoil a baby. Meeting their needs (eg to be held etc) isn't spoiling them

    eta - no such thing as too many cuddles when it comes to a bub. They are little for such a short time

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    I think it's only spoiling if they whinge for it and get it iykwim

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    I think you can 'spoil' a child by consistently prioritizing their needs over those of others and by always giving in to material wants. I don't think you can spoil a child by being emotionally available and responsive in most cases. Sorry, that makes no sense - it's such a hard thing to articulate! I found that from around 14 months there has been a gradual separation of needs and wants and i'm a great believer in saying 'yes' to all feelings but 'no' to certain actions and requests. Ie i have no problem with saying 'no' to DD wanting crackers right before dinner or playing with something fragile at a friends house but would never punish or criticise her for being frustrated or upset by the limits i place on her. I think you can also spoil a child by hovering too much and undermining their ability work things out for themselves. I DEFINITELY don't think that you can ever spoil a child (or adult) by comforting them when they are in distress (even if you can't understand the reason for it). Empathic limits is the way to go IMO

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    Can you give an example of what kinds of situations you are talking about. My youngest is 14 months. At this age, I do leave her to whinge at the back door when I hang out laundry. She can see me and I can see her, but she wants to be with me... However its too dangerous so I leave her.I don't really see that as teaching her anything, but its just a necessary thing. Same goes for leaving her at daycare when I work.. She is too young to understand why she can't be with me every second of every day lol. So its up to me to be confident about it and don't be insecure and use a sad voice when leaving her. Babies pick up on that stuff and then they really feel unsure.

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    In respect to hugs, kisses, cuddles etc you can never spoil babies, children or adults!!! It's not spoiling your child to cuddle/nurse them if they are upset (babies or toddlers included). They might have to wait a bit (age dependent) but then they get longer cuddles.

    But with stuff - well from very early on. Ie one lady from my mothers group starting getting her baby a babycino from 11/12mths old whenever she got a coffee. Now he demands one all the time. My eldest rarely gets one so never asks for it. But she always gets some dough to play with when I bake bread so i spoil her that way.

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    I don't think spoiling applies to babies... It doesn't really apply until they reach the age where they discover the art of manipulation. Then it applies and most parents will understand when this stage happens.


 

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