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  1. #1
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    Default Boyfreind doesnt want me to keep the baby. im 41

    I have been seeing this guy on and off for about 8 months, he says he loves me, wants a future with me. Well, until 3 weeks ago when I found out i was pregnant.

    He says he doesnt want the child becuae he is not ready. says that he would be ok in a year or so but not right now as his life is too complicated. he is 37 and i am 41.

    I went through ivf by myself late last year as i know having a child is what i want. i have tubular issues and fibroids so the Drs told me the only way i would ever get pregnant was through ivf, so we werent using protection. Clearly the were wrong.

    My boyfreind is telling me he wants me to abort and that he is not ready and doesnt think its fair to bring a child into the world that isnt wanted. he knows i want to keep it.

    Im just so broken hearted. He told me he wanted children, and i guess he does... just not right now.

    I feel like this is going to break us up cos he cant cope.

    UPDATE: WOW..... I am overwhelmed with all of your responses... you are all so kind and supportive. xxxx

    I told him today I was going to see this through to its natural conclusion.... I told him that there was no pressure... he can have as much or as little to do with me and the child as he wants.... so looks like the ball is in his court. Look who knows, im only 7 weeks I could still misscarry yet, although went to OB yesterday and good strong heartbeat heard... was amazing. :-). So fingers crossed.

    THANKYOU SO MUCH to all those who posted....really caring and honest responses. xx
    Last edited by babyCC; 28-07-2012 at 20:28. Reason: update

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  3. #2
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I'm sorry to hear that he has had a negative reaction towards the pregnancy. Honestly though - you have been together for 8 months and he is 37? I think he needs to grow up! He said he wants children...when does he think this is going to happen?

    You are in your forties, you sound happy with the pregnancy and you have fallen pregnant naturally despite fertility issues - please don't feel pressured by him to terminate

    There are a lot of supportive organisations out there I'd things don't work out with him or if you do choose to terminate. You're not alone
    Last edited by Witwicky; 28-07-2012 at 10:44.

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  5. #3
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    personally if it was me and wanting a baby as much as you do..

    i would keep it.

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    Bonkers  (28-07-2012),Eko  (28-07-2012),FutureMa  (28-07-2012),kristybabe  (28-07-2012),Sariele  (28-07-2012),~BEXTER~  (28-07-2012)

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    Hon you need to do what's right for you. Given how much you obviously want a baby and the complications with you being able to conceive again, I would be seriously considering whether it is worth the risk of never being able to have a child again. If he really loves you he will support you no matter what decision you make. All the best and massive hugs xx

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    Wave him goodbye and keep your bundle, you were trying for one on your own anyway
    Pity its not just that simple, but really I think I would take it as a blessing

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  10. #6
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    I would keep it too. it's obviously something you really want, and as the other poster says, with regards to your health and age etc, this is a good time to do it. You don't want to abort and then have trouble later. Also, what difference would a year make?! he needs to grow up.

    Personally, i'd be getting rid of him and keeping the baby. The baby will give you endless love and by the sounds of it, you're ready.

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    He may be scared at the thought of a new baby right now but he still has 8? Months to adjust. If its something you really want then do what's right for you.

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    maybe he needs time to adjust. Whats one more year? Starting a family now or in a year is really not that much different. This is YOUR chance. You know you have had issues falling pregnant in the past. This is honestly your decission. While he has some rights etc this will effect you the most.

    If you do abort, how would you feel? Do you think its something that you would regret more then if the relationship broke up because you chose to keep the baby?

    Unfortunately you have alot to think about, but you are 41 you have conceived a miracle. By your post I don't think you would ever be happy if you aborted.

    I see where he is coming from though if he never wanted children (but i don't get it if he does and just wants to wait a bit) Some men don't want to be fathers and you can make him (you can try) if you go ahead with the pregnancy be prepared you may be doing it alone. On the other hand he may warm to the idea of it in time.

    I wish you all the bust hun. Do want YOU want and what works for YOU. YOU are number one here.

  14. #9
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    All I can say is DO NOT have a termination for someone else. I had a similar situation (except we were both 21 and were only together for 5 months). I had the termination booked. But could not go through with it, and while we aren't together any more he still sees our child on a regular basis, and while our baby wasn't "wanted" by him earlier, as soon as I gave birth he changed his tune and wouldn't change being a Dad for the world.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

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    If you don't want the termination don't do it. No one can make you do something you don't want to do and if you want this baby you keep it, even if that means losing your bf.


 

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