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  1. #1
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    Default how do i stop feeling like this!!??

    I have 2 sons - 11yrs and 8 weeks.

    When i was pregnant with DS2 and i found out i was having a boy I was devistated!! I cried for days!! and it took me weeks and weeks to go shopping for boy stuff and choose a name because I didn't want another boy!! My husband was mad at me and told me I needed help!! Anyway, I accepted the fact I had to buy blue and I was having another boy and now he's 8 weeks old and beautiful.

    However I still dream of having a girl. and i don't know if i want to try again and risk having another boy... i think it would send me into a depression!!

    I was really upset when i found out a friend was having a girl... and i didn't see her for a few months, but then when I had DS2 she started her maternity leave and wanted to catch up for coffee to meet him and then she invited me over to her house for lunch last week because she had lots of questions about labour and baby because this is her first bub... when i got there she was so excited and showed me her baby room - of course everything was pink and she had the most beautiful clothes etc... I came home and cried because I really want that for me!! Well, she had her baby yesterday and last night when I got the pic txt through announcing it I couldn't help but feel jealous!! I told my hubby and he just said "you're a f'n idiot" and i went to sleep in tears!!

    This morning she's announced her baby all over facebook and I feel so jealous... i don't know how to stop feeling this way and i feel bad for feeling this way.... i don't even know if i want to go and see them...

    how do i stop feeling this way??? i don't know what to do!!!

  2. #2
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    I think you should access some counselling. I think even just having someone to listen to you in a non judgemental way will help.

  3. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to beebs For This Useful Post:

    AllYouNeedIsLove  (08-08-2012),Ffrenchknickers  (27-07-2012),Happy2be3  (08-08-2012),HugsBunny  (27-07-2012),LoveLivesHere  (08-08-2012)

  4. #3
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    I have 2 boys. Ds almost 3 years and Ds 5 months.
    I have felt jealous when I read a card at my friends house saying "now you have your pigeon pair" after she had her girl after a boy. And the other day I felt jealous after I heard a girl at work had a girl after her boy.
    I think it is a totally normal feeling as society makes as feel like we must have 1 of each or that women need to have a girl!
    Things that genuinely make me feel complete and happy with my family is seeing my two boys interact and knowing that I don't have to worry about a teenage girl later on ; )
    We 'could try' for a girl, but really I don't think I want one...it's more what others expect of you.
    Last edited by 2BlueBirds; 27-07-2012 at 08:17.

  5. #4
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    I think you could benefit from some counselling. Someone to listen in a non judgemental way and offer ways to move through this.

  6. #5
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    Don't feel bad for feeling the way you are feeling. I always thought I would have a little girl and we had 2 spunky little boys. After having our second boy I had to let go of the fact i was never going to have that little girl I always wanted and thought I would have because we were only having 2, I would get really emotional if I was out shopping and would see a beautiful little girl and there were times I even said to hubby that I was struggling to comes to terms with it. I remember reading another members open letter on here once that she wrote to her daughter that she thought she was never going to have and it was an amazing letter. In my situation we had a very very unplanned surprise pregnancy number 3 and our beautiful little girl is now 18m old and still 18 months later I can't believe we have her. Dont feel bad for the way you are feeling because there are so many women out there who have and do feel what you are feeling. I have been there and felt all those feelings and know that they are genuine feelings that you should not feel bad for feeling.
    Last edited by millsmum; 27-07-2012 at 09:05.

  7. #6
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    I think it's completely natural to feel the way you are feeling to an extent. I have 3 beautiful boys when I had my third son 3 of my friends had little girls after having 2 boys the same age as my oldest 2 and to this day I feel jealous every now and then when they talk about things they have brought for there girls or pics on facebook I can't help but get extremely jealous but it passes again I'm stoked to have 3 beautiful happy boys. If its consuming you so much maybe councilling is the best option.

  8. #7
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    Hello Firstly big hugs to you. I think counselling could help. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do and take the time you need to grieve. It is a process especially if you really wanted a girl. I just had my second and I did have a girl but I had hoped to have another boy as I had everything. It is different for everybody. I guess at the end of the day and I am not having a go and I am not saying this to upset anybody. Each pregnancy and baby is a blessing, my own personal feelings are as long as they are healthy then that is what counts. You could try for another but like you said you may have another boy. Counselling probably would be good because they are an outsider to talk to. Hope you feel better soon.

  9. #8
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    hugs, I was the reverse...I had a 6 year old DS and was preggy and was upset to learn I was having a girl...I desperately wanted the 2 boys I had always dreamed of. How ever, these passed before she was born and I got my head and heart around it.

    If these thoughts are still lingering now, i would go and get some counselling.

    How are you bonding with DS2? I can only guess that these feelings might be hindering your life if they are this intense on a daily basis.

    hugs

  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    hugs, I was the reverse...I had a 6 year old DS and was preggy and was upset to learn I was having a girl...I desperately wanted the 2 boys I had always dreamed of. How ever, these passed before she was born and I got my head and heart around it.

    If these thoughts are still lingering now, i would go and get some counselling.

    How are you bonding with DS2? I can only guess that these feelings might be hindering your life if they are this intense on a daily basis.

    hugs
    Thats me! I really like to have 2 boys, DS is 18 months and I am pregnant with #2, when we found out that this one is a girl, I couldnt help but feel disappointed. I could also see it in DH's eyes that hes a bit disappointed too. We always imagined having 2 boys running around the house and have playful fights etc. We both got over it now though, DS is due in Oct and we are looking forward to her arrival. Especially when we found out that shes got an Echogenic Focus in her heart which is a soft marker for down syndrome, it made us realise that it doesnt matter if its a boy or girl, as long as she/he is healthy.
    I agree with others too, if you still feel this way now that your son is born perhaps you should consider counselling


    Big hugs

  11. #10
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    I once read a great quote eleswhere on bubhub (not sure where anymore though ) . . Don't feel bad for feeling this way, the fact that you longed for a daughter does not mean you love your new son any less, you are simply grieving for the daughter (or chance for a daughter) you have lost . . I agree counselling will definitely help, by chatting to someone about your grief in a completely non-judgmental environement you might be able to work your way through it. Also , they will be able to give you different coping skills and option to help to. .

    You are not getting the support from your hubby and you need it from somewhere. Perhaps if he understood more that its the loss you are feeling and not the disappointment in your son.

    *hugs*

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