So a quick run down, I was diagnosed with secondary ammenorhea a few months ago after stopping the depo shot to TTC back in Jan. The last couple of weeks have had me rethinking the situation for a couple of reasons.
1- I weighed in at 90.1 kgs last week and its the heaviest I've ever been while not pregnant. I've now got a gym membership and I've overhauled my diet and I don't know if I want to give that up in the event of a bfp before reaching my goals.
2) the stress from the ammenorhea/TTC without even having a cycle is not healthy and has contributed to my weight gain as well.
3) financially we have a lot planned over the next 12 months, moving house, me going to uni next year, replacing both our cars and paying the loans for those and hopefully saving for our wedding, dp is thinking of reskilling and changing industries. I don't think I could say we would be comfortable money wise to accommodate a pregnancy/baby until well after next year.
I know these reasons are logical ones, smart even, if I want to blow my own horn. So why do I feel guilty about wanting to give up TTC? I feel like I'm letting myself, dp and my body down by not slogging it out (this comes mainly from the first 2 reasons I think) and I keep having weird little daydreams about a little baby sitting in the clouds watching me with a sad/disappointed face.