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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2011

    Default DH won't engage with the pregnancy

    Am I alone in this? My DH is a good man in general and our pregnancy was planned, but he is just not interested in engaging in any way in the fact that we are about to become parents. I am 36+2 and he isn't interested in talking about names, hasn't even opened either of the books or even the info package from the ante-natal classes, moans when I ask if he's going to make an appearance at my OB appointment, rolls his eyes when I buy something for the baby as if I'm just indulging a fantasy, even if it's just nappies or something without any cute factor!

    Has anyone else faced this sort of situation? Did the birth and homecoming go ok when the man had absolutely no idea what he was in for? Any tips for how to get him to wake up and realise what's happening and that I need him to engage in it? I've tried gently talking to him which he brushes off as a joke, I've tried getting angry which he reacts to as if I'm just a crazy pregnant woman. He will sit for hours in front of the tv and then tell me he hasn't had time to think about names or to read about what he's in for. I feel very alone

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    I personally don't think men like discussing all the baby stuff like we do my partner was the same he never even wanted to put his hand on my tummy to feel baby kick i think he didn't feel comftable or something one thing tho is he did like to discuss baby names cause we had fights over names lol. Maybe try not talk to him about it for a few days and give if a little break and he will proabably turn around and want to talk, he may be feeling scared and overwhelmed since it's getting close to your due date but trust me once the baby is born and he holds it in his arms he will be different my partner was just like im sure all males react different once the baby comes along and it's all finally real and they hold this tiny little person for the first time that is part of them

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It sounds to me like he has cold feet. Did he get excited or at least seem keen about the prospect of having a baby before you got pregnant? If so, then maybe the reality of it is hitting him hard, and he's dealing with it by NOT dealing with it, and maybe subconsciously thinking if he ignores it it will just go away. If he wasn't even that keen before the pregnancy, then there is the possibility that he never really wanted to have a baby, and now that it's happening is experiencing regret and resentment.

    I would strongly recommend that he talks to a counsellor or something, alone, so he can be completely honest with how he's feeling, and with you too. But getting a guy to agree to something like that is challenging at the best of times. Hopefully someone here has better advice than me.

    ETA: My post is a lot more cold and brutal than the PP's, sorry. but it was just my immediate impressions from reading the OP.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by CountryGirl77 View Post
    I've tried getting angry which he reacts to as if I'm just a crazy pregnant woman.
    Sorry I had a giggle at this.
    Sounds normal to an extent. I just don't understand how he wouldnt be interested in names?
    Tell him you shall name "Apple" for a girl and "Eugenie" for a boy. Perhaps then he'll listen. Lol (sorry to offend those with the same names...oops)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by CountryGirl77 View Post
    He will sit for hours in front of the tv and then tell me he hasn't had time to think about names or to read about what he's in for.
    OMG Are we married to the same guy?? I don't mean to kid, but it all sounds very familiar.

    I don't think he has cold feet (i really hope that's not the case) I just think men are very different from women. They are very tactile (I think that's the word?) it's not real for them until bub is here. I think because bub grows inside our bellies, we can't help but know it's all real.. But for hubbies.. It's different.

    With my last pregnancy, hubby used to make it seem like a chore attending OB appointments with me, even knowing how much I needed his support due to previous losses. He never read any of the books I bought, even when I thought I'd READ OUT parts he might find interesting, he'd tune me out. He had no input on names so I ended up just picking a name myself. But once bub arrived, he was completely smitten. He loves our DD to death, misses her dearly when he's away.. And spoils her to no end! It ended up good, but trust me we fought heaps about how he seemed to have no interest, how if he didn't want kids why did he agree to IVF etc

    This pregnancy, he's a little more interested, but mainly coz we've had a few challenges with this pregnancy that have scared us. But otherwise, he's not reaalllyyy.. I tried to get him to feel bub kick the other nite, he waited with his hand on my tummy for max 3 minutes then got bored of waiting. And once again, he's got no input on names! But this time I'm not upset, I realize now that it will become real to him once she's here.

    I know all you want is for hubby to share in the excitement of the impending arrival of your bundle of joy, but most men aren't built that way. Some may show interest, don't get me wrong, but from what I've seen with my friends' hubbies etc, it's pretty normal.. That's why we have girlfriends


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