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  1. #11
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    quite simply...if you cannot find a way between the 2 of you to get along like grown ups you need to seek counselling.

    If you fight daily...seriously consider why you are together and both agree that you want to find a better way to live. Regardless if that way is together or apart...you need to have a good hard look at yourselves and put your children first.

  2. #12
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    We rarely argue, but I've noticed since he's been about 3 years old that even if we are having an animated conversation (like discussing something that had annoyed us both and venting, rather than arguing) he will come in and say "mummy, daddy, stop fighting!" (even though we're not).

    I think kids are very sensitive to it. Some display it, and some don't, but I think it affects them all in some way.

    You need to find a way to quell the conflict between you and your partner as daily arguing is not good for any of you.

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    Deleted for privacy
    Last edited by GuestMember; 24-07-2012 at 23:25.

  4. #14
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    Sounds like he needs some counseling/anger management to me (((hugs)))

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  6. #15
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    While arguing and screaming daily in front of kids is damaging, I have read numerous studies suggesting that it is also very unhealthy to shield your kids from all conflict. It's really important for kids to see their parents disagree, have a bit of an argument and make up- with an emphasis on the making up part. They need to see that we are human, we have feelings, and how important it is to be able to say 'sorry'. There is no point bringing kids up thinking all relationships are 'perfect' and that you will never argue because it's simply not true.

    However, obviously if it's every day and your kids are getting upset, it's too much and somethings gotta change. Our toddler yells 'stop' and tries to push one of us away, whether it's me and hubby or me and the kids, or the kids or whoever yelling, he doesn't like it at all. Most of the fighting that takes place at our house these days is between the girls tho, me and my husband can't really be bothered anymore .

    I think if your DS is hitting his head etc you should try and get some counselling as it sounds like its affecting him.

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  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    While arguing and screaming daily in front of kids is damaging, I have read numerous studies suggesting that it is also very unhealthy to shield your kids from all conflict. It's really important for kids to see their parents disagree, have a bit of an argument and make up- with an emphasis on the making up part. They need to see that we are human, we have feelings, and how important it is to be able to say 'sorry'. There is no point bringing kids up thinking all relationships are 'perfect' and that you will never argue because it's simply not true.

    However, obviously if it's every day and your kids are getting upset, it's too much and somethings gotta change. Our toddler yells 'stop' and tries to push one of us away, whether it's me and hubby or me and the kids, or the kids or whoever yelling, he doesn't like it at all. Most of the fighting that takes place at our house these days is between the girls tho, me and my husband can't really be bothered anymore .

    I think if your DS is hitting his head etc you should try and get some counselling as it sounds like its affecting him.
    I think it's all in how you argue. If you can do it without yelling, personal attacks and violence and intimidation it can be normal and healthy.


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  10. #17
    AndrewTheEmu is offline Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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    If we raise our voice too much, or the convocation gets 'quick' (back and forth snapping) 2yo DD gets upset, starts whinging or puts herself between us & demands attention.

    I believe it's our 'que' to 'tone it down', talk it out/were being unnessesserly unreasonable.

    DD never fusses when we 'talk it out'.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemmi View Post
    Ds used to cry.
    The other day when his father and i got into an argument his father got right in my face screaming at me and ds coppied his fathers tone and body language.

    I try to keep disagreements civil and calm as i hate ds seeing yelling but his father just looses the plot imediately and turns into a screaming raging bull.
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    Thats exactly what I am afraid off. DS copying what we do! DH doesnt scream in my face, oh I think hes done it once, but he apologized almost immediately.

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    My hubs and I never argue in front of our kids.... I grew up with parents who argued alot and still remember feeling afraid even from quite a young age. I don't want my children to ever have to feel this way, that they are afraid of us. Is it really that hard to leave the room your child is in for a few moments, so you are not subjecting them to your argument? I think the fact that a child is screaming and hitting themselves whilst you argue is obviously upsetting for the kid.

  13. #20
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    Our DS is gorgeous. He runs between us with his arms out saying "stop stop stop" in a very grown up tone *chuckle*. He's definitely a peacemaker.
    We rarely fight in front of him (or at all). But usually he'll tell DH off in toddler babble for being mean to mummy hahaha.

    We ALWAYS kiss and hug and apologise to each other when we're done, and we make sure that DS sees it and is involved. We tell him we love each other and him and that sometimes mummies and daddies will fight but that doesn't mean we don't love each other.

    Personally I feel for DS that it's better for him to see that couples fight, and set the example by apologising and making up afterwards where he can actually see what's going on and understand conflict resolution.

    A few people have said that they remember their parents fighting in front of them and being scared because it never (or rarely) happened before. My parents used to use the same methods with my sister and I when we were young, and neither of us have ever been intimidated when having or seeing a yelling argument with a partner because we've seen it before.

    Maybe being intentionally exposed to be desensitised to it isn't good, I don't know. I'm no psychologist. But I know that DS always hugs and says sorry after a tiff with a playmate and the way he does it I can tell he's copying our actions .

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