Teaching respect

[Lock and Lu]

Hi all. I'm wondering how you have taught or intend to teach your children the art of respect?

My DD is 4.5 and her lack of respect for people and property is driving me mad!

For example, my mum took her out to the theatre today and then for a yummy lunch. When she dropped her home, DD refused to thank her.

Then I told her I had a present for her, some art stuff because she's really into drawing at the moment, and she punched my leg and said 'I don't like art stuff'.

I know she's only 4 but surely she should understand that if someone does something nice for you, you say thank you! We've always taught her manners and she doesn't get anything unless she says please etc but the spoilt brat attitude is getting me down and is quite embarrassing!

Any suggestions? Tips? Ideas?

[River Song]

leading by example it very important...for example...you thank her for doing nice things and she hears you thank others.

Really limit her "stuff"... I would not have given her a present after she behaved so poorly towards your mum. Also, if DS had punched me...he would not have gotten a thing!!

Don't force thank you's...ask your mum if she showed her thanks during the day.

It does take time and for kids not to be over indulged for them to be really grateful. The words will come...but SHOWING it counts more. Think of the kid who gets a present and is showing by body language and epxression that they love it and are grateful...this means more than the words.

Talk about how it feels for someone to be grateful

Talk about how when we are grateful people will want to do more nice things for us

it does take time...but, my best way of getting it through to DS was modelling the behaviour and sometimes even role playing with him (me being him and him being me lol).

[really old]

Sounds pretty normal to me.
Infuriating, isn't it?
Plenty of times I want to launch myself at my 6 yr old, Homer Simpson style, with my hands outstretched towards her throat, yelling, "Why you little....!"


Why you little: ungrateful, self centred, ill mannered, insular, grasping, selfish, spoiled, bratty, inconsiderate.....
Have I missed anything?


I gather the answer lies with persistence in the matter of good manners being essential, until such time as life experience teaches the little rotters the value of the generosity of others. I'm thinking perhaps another, oh, say 20 years.
THEN she will value my sacrifices, generosity, consideration etc and then she will ........ turn out pretty well.
I hope.

[pianolady]

Part of it is kids. Kids are naturally selfish. Modeling is the key though.

[Lock and Lu]

Thanks everyone. I most certainly lead by example and always thank her, especially for good behaviour. I am very respectful of my elders, strangers, my family etc.

I know there's a lot 'id' with kids and the world truly does revolve around them. However, she sees my mum regularly and they have an amazing relationship so I would hope by now she'd be able say thank you to her.

I honestly don't think for a child as intelligent as her that I'm expecting that much.

How have others explained the concept of respect to their kids.

Oh and the present thing happened before she refused to say thank you, not after.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

Bear in mind too, that after a big day out like she had just had, she was likely tired, overstimulated and overwhelmed. Obviously, you know your child and I don't, but when they get to that state there is not a lot of reasoning with them.

As others have said, modelling and also just letting her know that it was nice of her gran to do that for her and that she didn't have to do it, that we are all the same and we all get a chance and that she doesn't necessarily get to go before others etc.

[jo7]

We started teaching them very young. My DD is 22 months and she's been saying please and thank you for what seems like ages already. All the kids in my group of friends are taught this from young.. Youngest in the group is 15 mths and oldest is 4 years. We also lead by example, thank them when they hand us things when asked, or say please everytime we want them to do something.

Also, whenever we get to a group get together, the kids are sent round to give 'uncles and aunties' a hug or kiss hello, and when it's time to leave, they make their rounds for a hug or kiss goodbye

Just little things, but it teaches them to respect their elders.

Of course, occasionally they don't do the above, but it's usually coz they're tired or had a bad day, and in those instances it's understandable.