Work guilt

**Baracuda** · 20-07-2012 20:17

DS is nearly two and I went back to work a few months ago 3 days a week in the city. It takes me 2 hours each way to commute to work so I'm away from my son for 12 hours on those days.

I should really go back to work full-time as I'm a single parent and could use the money. But I just still feel he is too little and I hate being away from him such long days as it is. I feel it's disruptive to him and the long days at daycare are too tiring for him.

I should be fine with this, he's nearly two, so why am I just not coping with this? There's not much work up the coast where I live so I don't have other work options at the moment.

Did anyone else struggle going back to work and how did you deal with it? I need to get over it somehow as I need to go to work. I just feel like such crud!

**mim1** · 20-07-2012 20:30

of course it's hard! I don't know any mums who find working & being a mum easy! It's not. It's so hard to feel the pull in both directions and 2 is still so little. I went back to full time (ie 50 hours a week away from home) work when my ds was 12 months old. It was great to be working and financially it was a great relief to have that 2nd income again, but wow, I used to cry as I left most mornings. I hated missing out on my ds growing up and looking after him when he was sick and just generally I missed being home after 14 months of maternity leave. But, I had to do it and somehow I survived 3 years of full time work. Some days were really hard and some days I loved the opportunity to get out of home and go to work and not have to deal with a grumpy toddler.

You must be very tired with such a long commute though, so I think you'd probably cope better if you found something closer to home, so keep looking. I got a job for 12 months that required 3 - 4 hours a day in the car and that was torture (in addition to working 40+ hour weeks and wanting to get pregnant). After I finished up at that job I was thankfully able to drop back my hours to very part time (I was pregnant ... albeit just). I wouldn't choose to work so far from home again unless I was SUPER desperate. Just making sure I picked up my ds from childcare on time was so hard when traffic could be so unpredictable and if something happened at home I was so far away too ... or if I got sick at work and had to go home, it was SO far.

Don't feel guilty about feeling guilty ... it's normal! Hope you can work out a good situation for you soon!

**Baracuda** · 20-07-2012 20:46

Thankyou. Yes I do think it's the distance and 4 hour-long commute that's my biggest issue. If I were closer to home it would be fine as his days wouldn't be so long and I wouldn't have to pick him up from whoever's house he's at depending on who collected him that day. We'd be home at a decent hour and his routine wouldn't be disrupted. I'd be fine with that.

Yeah I like the work, and it is good to have a break from him (and him from me too). I'm not sure why I feel so down about it all. Seems ridiculous. Maybe it's the 'back to reality' thing...

**mim1** · 21-07-2012 07:13

It's not ridiculous at all to feel how you do. It's a new reality and that takes adjustment. The logistics of working 2 hours from home and being a single mum are immense and don't discount that. The thing I hated about full time work was the day to day logistics. My dh & I had to plan sometimes months in advance as to when he would be away, when he had afternoon meetings, when I could pick up our ds from childcare or when we had to make other arrangements. It was those day to day logistics that I found the most difficult and emotionally draining.