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  1. #1
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    Default I cant cope ATM, anyone experienced this?

    I am having a hard time coping with my 4yo DD.
    2 conversations as an example:

    Conversation 1 -
    DD: Can you please get Emily's cat back, I don't like the other cat.
    Me: no, it's Emily's game and she doesn't care what cat she has (she would just log out in a min anyway)
    DD: but I don't like Emily's cat
    Me: that's ok, but it's Emily's game so she can have what ever cat she wants, you have your own game and your own cats, so it doesn't matter.
    DD: but I don't like Emily's cat.
    Me: ok, I'll delete both cat games and no one can have any cats
    DD: no! Don't delete my cat game!
    Me: then start listening.
    DD: but are you going to delete my game?
    Me: no, but you need to listen.
    DD: but I don't want you to delete it.
    Me: I'm not going to if you listen, so listen!
    DD: are you going to delete it?
    Me: START LISTENING.
    DD: I don't like Emily's cat. I want it to go faster.
    Me: it doesn't matter, it's Emily's game.
    DD: meg? Meg? Are you going to delete my cat game? I don't want you to delete it.
    Me: OMG, stop saying it! Start listening.
    DD: but meg, are you listening? Are you going to delete my cat game? I don't want you to?
    (this is just the brief version, it was a lot worse and more tedious)

    Conversation 2:
    DD is calling me at midnight.
    DD: mummy when is kristians birthday party?
    Me: Sunday. It's time to sleep. Good night.
    10 mins later
    DD: MEGGGG, MEGGGGGG.
    Me: yes?
    DD: when's kristians -
    Me: I just told you, Sunday.
    DD: but I didn't finish talking.
    Me: I know what you were going to say
    DD: but you didn't let me talk
    Me: but I know you were going to ask me about kristians birthday
    DD: but you didn't let me talk
    Me: ok, talk
    DD: when is it kristians birthday party?
    Me: I already told you, on Sunday.
    DD: ok, but I just wanted to know when kristians birthday party is.
    Me: on Sunday. I just told you. Go to sleep.
    10 mins later
    ... and so on and so on for 30 mins!

    My heart sinks when she wakes over night. I dont like her asking me questions.

    How do I make her stop doing this? Ive tried patience, Ive tried explaining it to the most extended way I could, I HAVE yelled (because I just CAN NOT do this a million times a day without it sending me absolutely CRAZY!). I can not ignore her. Its like she doesnt LISTEN, or she doesnt grasp what I am telling her or something.

    I had to stop the first conversation by literally walking out of the house. Not my finest moment

    I just dont know WHY she is doing this? Has anyone been through it?
    Last edited by Guest1234; 20-07-2012 at 12:53.

  2. #2
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    Yes I have.



    The first I was advised to do is starting of with daytime convo's. Get down to her level, take hold of both her hands, say what you need to and than ask her to repeat the info back to you. Ask her if she understands what you are saying, even if you know she did, but getting her to repeat back to you in her words helps them to remember and break the cycle.

    Hang bubs is crying I will be back.

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  4. #3
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    ahhh my DD who is 4 has also been very similar to this in the last couple of months.............. I can totally feel your pain!!

    Sorry I don't have any advice, it drives me crazy as well. Hopefully there are some others who can give some advice..
    PP advice looks good!

  5. #4
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Get her to repeat it back to you.

    And if she asks you again say "Oh! I don't know! Can you tell me?"
    And chances are she'll probably tell you and then you can say 'so it is" or "that's right"

    Also try identifying with the emotion

    "Oh don't you like that cat? Why not? It doesn't go fast enough? Well next time you can choose a different cat. It's time to finish now."

    Or "I can see you're really excited about Kristian's party on Sunday. What games/food/decorations do you think they will have? That sounds great, how about you can draw a picture of it tomorrow, it's time to sleep now."

    They do go through it. I find just re-asking them the question and or answering a question with a question usually works to stop the process.

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    You're not alone, and I'm happy to hear its not only my DS that does this too.
    Example.(extremely short version)
    After spending over half an hour trying to get 12 week old DS2 asleep, DS1 comes stomping through the house screaming, waking baby , which caused another full hour of crying and trying to resettle.
    I go bananas at him.
    He's not bothered.
    I feel guilty for shouting my frustrations at him and the conversation goes like this.
    "Come here hunny, give me a hug.
    Im sorry for shouting at you, it's just really hard for mammy right now as baby doesn't sleep very easily for me.
    You know that the more baby sleeps,the more time I get to spend with you don't you."
    He nods yes.
    "So if you stay quiet and let baby slep, I can play with you then"
    DS "yes"
    Me "I don't want to be an angry mammy, I want to be a happy mammy for you and I want you to be a happy boy"
    He loves this idea and says yes.
    Me "Ok, so you'll be quiet now, when mammy needs to be with the baby you'll help me out? Do you understand?"
    DS "No"
    Me "what, did you not hear me?"
    DS "yes"
    Me " ok so you'll help me by being quiet and not banging through the house"
    DS " but I have a big gun"
    ARGHHHHHH...
    His dad came in later that night and had a similar conversation with him, then looked at me as if to say "what's wrong with our son"
    I told him, "Thats the extent of my daily conversations"
    His response was to nearly wet himself laughing,
    Ahh yeah, nice for you out in the world keeping your brain alive, while mine
    is turning to jelly

  8. #6
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    My dd who is nearly 4 is doing this too. I am actually going insane!

    Sorry, no advice but you are not alone.

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using BubHub

  9. #7
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    you could be talking about my DD a year ago. It was ridiculous. She would ask me questions like "mum, when i go to school can i go to school?" how do you answer that? um yes.
    And she was really amazing with details eg "remember when we went to Jakes birthday (2 years before) and we listened to this song on the way, and then when we went home we ate tic tocs" and then she would want to talk all about that day 2 years ago. I felt like ripping my hair out with the questions she would ask, and then not listen to my replies (or they never seemed detailed enough for her) But somehow we perservered through what was the most frustrating year EVER! I just put aside time for her and only her throughout the day, every day. During that time we spoke about whatever she liked, in detail. I tried to teach her through being a good listener myself, and letting her speak until she had had enough. The whole time i would sit at her level and maintain eye contact.

    Thankfully she is now nearly 5 and seems to have grown out of it. She has the right amount of mental stimulation at Kindy and this seems to calm her questions down a little bit, and has helped with her listening skills. Our conversations are now two sided, and she seems so much happier.

    Goodluck with it all. For me the 4 year old stage is/was the hardest! You are certainly not alone.

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by loving6 View Post
    Yes I have.



    The first I was advised to do is starting of with daytime convo's. Get down to her level, take hold of both her hands, say what you need to and than ask her to repeat the info back to you. Ask her if she understands what you are saying, even if you know she did, but getting her to repeat back to you in her words helps them to remember and break the cycle.

    Hang bubs is crying I will be back.
    Sorry I did get back earlier.

    Holding both hands helps them to focus on what your saying.
    Making them repeat the info helps them to process the info.
    Asking them if the understand the info, gives them the chance to put in their own words which helps with the process of the info.

  11. #9
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    DD1 used to need to ask a zillion questions at bedtime so we had a rule.
    She was 4 so she got to ask 4 questions at bedtime after that she had to wait till the sun came up on her gro-clock before she could come ask any more questions.
    If she kept going or got silly she was warned that a toy would be taken from her (she also got to choose 4 soft toys for bed at night).
    Worked for us.

  12. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    I am having a hard time coping with my 4yo DD.
    2 conversations as an example:

    Conversation 1 -
    DD: Can you please get Emily's cat back, I don't like the other cat.
    Me: no, it's Emily's game and she doesn't care what cat she has (she would just log out in a min anyway)
    DD: but I don't like Emily's cat
    Me: that's ok, but it's Emily's game so she can have what ever cat she wants, you have your own game and your own cats, so it doesn't matter.
    DD: but I don't like Emily's cat.
    Me: ok, I'll delete both cat games and no one can have any cats
    DD: no! Don't delete my cat game!
    Me: then start listening.
    DD: but are you going to delete my game?
    Me: no, but you need to listen.
    DD: but I don't want you to delete it.
    Me: I'm not going to if you listen, so listen!
    DD: are you going to delete it?
    Me: START LISTENING.
    DD: I don't like Emily's cat. I want it to go faster.
    Me: it doesn't matter, it's Emily's game.
    DD: meg? Meg? Are you going to delete my cat game? I don't want you to delete it.
    Me: OMG, stop saying it! Start listening.
    DD: but meg, are you listening? Are you going to delete my cat game? I don't want you to?
    (this is just the brief version, it was a lot worse and more tedious)

    Conversation 2:
    DD is calling me at midnight.
    DD: mummy when is kristians birthday party?
    Me: Sunday. It's time to sleep. Good night.
    10 mins later
    DD: MEGGGG, MEGGGGGG.
    Me: yes?
    DD: when's kristians -
    Me: I just told you, Sunday.
    DD: but I didn't finish talking.
    Me: I know what you were going to say
    DD: but you didn't let me talk
    Me: but I know you were going to ask me about kristians birthday
    DD: but you didn't let me talk
    Me: ok, talk
    DD: when is it kristians birthday party?
    Me: I already told you, on Sunday.
    DD: ok, but I just wanted to know when kristians birthday party is.
    Me: on Sunday. I just told you. Go to sleep.
    10 mins later
    ... and so on and so on for 30 mins!

    My heart sinks when she wakes over night. I dont like her asking me questions.

    How do I make her stop doing this? Ive tried patience, Ive tried explaining it to the most extended way I could, I HAVE yelled (because I just CAN NOT do this a million times a day without it sending me absolutely CRAZY!). I can not ignore her. Its like she doesnt LISTEN, or she doesnt grasp what I am telling her or something.

    I had to stop the first conversation by literally walking out of the house. Not my finest moment

    I just dont know WHY she is doing this? Has anyone been through it?
    OK, the cat convo lost me...but for the "when is" type conversations... i used to put it back on to my DS...

    DS: When is johns party
    ME: Saturday
    DS: So when is it?
    ME: I don't know, i think it might be on Tuesday
    DS: No, it's on Sunday!!!

    ME: then why are you asking if you already know the answer?

    DS: Oh

    It stops the circular conversation and puts it back to them.

    Yes, i had to repeat this many times...but when ever he asked me a question more than once or one he def knew the answer to...i would give a bogus response.


 

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