before i had my baby girl 10 months ago, my bf would ALWAYS (and i mean, every conversation) how 'lucky' i was to ....
only have one child (she has 4)
to 'get' to go to work (she is a sahm on a farm)
to travel overseas on holidays
to go shopping (her children make it impossible for her to shop)....
and how hard her life was.
she would also constantly ask me 'when are you getting pregnant? i hope you have another baby soon..don't leave it too long....'
now i have 2 kids and apparently i'm lucky to have a big age gap, work part-time, have interests/hobbies....
love her to bits, but she is just one of those people who can't or won't see that she made her own decisions about her life, i made mine. neither one is better than the other and imo, we are both extremely lucky to have healthy children, husbands, financially secure etc.
i think it's more about perspective
i agree so much is luck!
yes i made choices and worked hard, but many of the choices were pure luck.
i was criticised for working 18 hr days, 6 days a week, and told to enjoy my youth, but the same people say 'i wish we had paid off our mortgage'
i was also lucky enough to fall into a good job, be made redundant, get a great package and then fall into another great job. partly luck and partly having a good name for myself.
ultimately i was lucky enough to be able to complete highschool, have good grades and afford uni. i was lucky we have ausstudy and HECS. i was lucky i found uni easy, and was able to get scholarships and also hold down a fulltime job. yes i worked hard, but without that luck i cant see id have gotten far.
i was lucky to have 'good'choices available in the first place.
The mums who 'work so hard' doing x - and everybody else is 'lucky' and has it easy. Luck just landed in our laps and bad luck has fallen upon the martyr mum. She gets up earlier, sleeps less, has more difficult children, a more difficult husband.... and we have it so easy by comparison. Oh but I should "wait until I have more than one child, one is easy"... of course. I have no idea about anything because I "only" have one. The poor sods with more have it so tough that these children just ended up on their doorstep with no notice.
I can't imagine saying to a friend she is 'lucky' to be a SAHM now she has a newborn baby - she might hate it for all I know.
I remember one of the threads here about how 'lucky' working mums are to get 'breaks'. At the time I was being s3xually harrassed and it was one of the lowest points of my life.
I do actually consider myself, for the most part, pretty 'lucky' but my work has nothing to do with luck. I planned it and it was very well thought out. Just like some SAHMs.
I suppose I believe that at least most people here in Australia have a bit of luck. How lucky are we to have been born here? Where food is available (to most) and diseases aren't rife. How lucky that when things go wrong in labour they can be on the most part rectified. That is lucky I think.
But some people do have it harder than others. Sometimes that really is bad luck. I don't think I have ever said "you are so lucky" to someone, because everyone has a story. I understand the frustration that you guys feel, but if they are feeling that bad about their lives, then how sad for them.
Look, I get that it is probably pretty frustrating to hear, but if someone chose to have more than one baby - that isn't the issue here, the issue is that you don't know what it is like to have more than one, whereas most people with more kids do know what it is like to have one (unless they had twins or more first up).
It isn't insulting -it is the truth. I don't understand why you would feel that is a bad thing?
Just like I don't know what it is like to have 5, or to have triplets.
I agree beebs, absolutely. Like I mentioned before - how blessed am I that I wasn't born in the slums of India?!
My annoyance is with those with the same opportunities who bring others down by exaggerating things and assuming things about others lives and declaring they are lucky and have it easy. The "I'm really so unlucky because my baby doesn't sleep and you're lucky because you get to go to work". I have a very serious concern in my life. I haven't slept properly in weeks due to stress because of a VERY sick family member, who I may lose. If only a crying baby was all I had to worry about!!!
I do agree that some have bad luck. I have a family friend who has had some very horrible things happen to her - all out of her control. It's really awful.
People don't know what it's like to have MY 6 year old. I do. I don't know what it's like to have your x amount of children. That doesn't mean I do not know how to parent my own or I'd suddenly become a complete failure if I gave birth tomorrow.
ETA: I have seen here on bubhub people telling those with no or one child that they shouldn't be offering advice because they don't know what it's like. I tell you what, I know some pretty incompetent parents with more than one child.
Last edited by Benji; 19-07-2012 at 10:12.
I know what you are saying, but I see so often on this site, people giving advice and making out like something is really easy (a recent thread springs to mind) and then you find out they have one child and the person asking has 4 or something.
Or there was this one time where there was someone on here talking about how doing certain things was bad parenting, and it came to light that she didn't even have one child.
At the end of the day - of course you know how to parent, you are a parent. And you are a parent to your child and as you said no one knows what it is like to parent your child, Just like you don't know what it is like to parent 4 kids. I am really not trying to be insulting at all.
It is like - I see people with 5 kids and I am like - "heck, I seriously can hardly get my stuff together with 4, how the heck do they do that"?
I am sorry you about your family member
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