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  1. #21
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    I would consider it bad luck and unfortunate if you couldn't choose to have another child or a child at all. I mentioned things out of our control earlier.

    But yep I get the lucky card pulled on me. I've done my time with the nappies and the washing and the poo and the sleepless nights. It's not luck, it's life.

  2. #22
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    Grass is always greener! I think people like to compare lives way too often.

  3. #23
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    I'm lucky to be a SAHM (lucky for me). I think Working Mums do it just as hard, some harder some easier.

    We're all in this parenting gig together. Regardless of if we work or SAH we are all doing what is best for our families and that's all that matters.

  4. #24
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    That's it waterlily. I don't actually know what the SAHM across the road job entails, I could never dream of telling her she's lucky because I'm off to work. For all I know her dad could've died the night before, or perhaps she had some kind of illness. I just find the 'lucky' thing really odd because we see one very minor snippit into somebody's life therefore they live some lavish life.

    I don't think I have it hard really in the grand scheme of things in terms of work/being a mum. But I look at my envious friends with their babies and they will have this freedom soon. Babies aren't babies forever and they do grow up.

  5. #25
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    I never tell anyone they are lucky they only have 1,2,3... Kids because it's so much easier than me having 5 under 5. I have never told anyone they are lucky they only have a singleton rather than twins. Simply because, as you said benji, we don't know everything about each others lives. That friend with one kid might be struggling big time with unsupportive hubby, no family and a baby with reflux. And, I think the sort of "I have it harder" game that mothers like to play us ridiculous.

    Come to think of it, not many mums try to tell me they have it harder than me, wonder why? . But I'm careful not to do it to them. Believe me, it's tempting when I read the 100th whingey update on fb from a mum with two kids, doesn't work and has a nanny, but I bite my tongue.

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    Benji  (18-07-2012)

  7. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4underfour View Post
    And, I think the sort of "I have it harder" game that mothers like to play us ridiculous.
    It's beginning to grate on me. I find it's a downward spiral. Somebody will say to me "but you've got it so easy because" and then I find myself arguing with them about my own life. I remember being really peeved when somebody told me I, as a working mum, get sick days... that's news to me!

    The comparisons I now realise are ridiculous.

    And I would never say I have it harder than you but I bet you wouldn't trade places with me either

  8. #27
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    Generally though in those type of 'oh you're lucky' convos it's code for 'right now - even if only momentarily - I'm jealous of a particular aspect of your life'.

    Whether it is not having to get out of PJs all day or whether it is getting to interact with adults instead of little people during the day.

    When someone calls me lucky because I stay at home I don't ever consider they mean lucky in the ACTUAL sense of the word.

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    Benji  (18-07-2012)

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    Haha some days I would gladly trade places!

    It all grates on me too. I think the best thing to do is to nod and smile if they tell you how good you have it. Say yep, I do have it great. In the end, they are saying things like that to you because you seem to be happy and coping well, whereas they may be struggling. If it makes them feel better to belittle your life like that, then they obviously need the ego boost. Don't bother trying to explain how your life isn't actually all sunshine and roses, it won't work.

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  12. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Generally though in those type of 'oh you're lucky' convos it's code for 'right now - even if only momentarily - I'm jealous of a particular aspect of your life'.

    Whether it is not having to get out of PJs all day or whether it is getting to interact with adults instead of little people during the day.

    When someone calls me lucky because I stay at home I don't ever consider they mean lucky in the ACTUAL sense of the word.
    I completely agree. Having done IVF for all my kids, I consider myself the luckiest person in the world as I have 3 kids, went through hell to get them but they're mine, and now I have a DH who earns enough money that I get to stay at home for an extended maternity leave and I can still afford to get take away coffee and pay for my kids to do gym and dance classes. We live near beaches and parks, have 2 healthy gorgeous puppies and are both fit and healthy.

    But ...... We have zero family support, no babysitters or help unless we pay for it, all our kids had colic and reflux and slept appallingly, and I barely remember last year as I was so sleep deprived. Sure there were some days during the school run while my 2 youngest were in meltdown I'd look at other parents who seemed to be so much more in control, or had more freedom than me, and I'd think "lucky them". But after facing infertility and the prospect of never having kids I never assume anyone is actually luckier than me as you never know where they are coming from.

    As an aside, this is one of the reasons I got off Facebook. It just annoyed me too much.

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    Benji  (18-07-2012),MissMuppet  (18-07-2012)

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Generally though in those type of 'oh you're lucky' convos it's code for 'right now - even if only momentarily - I'm jealous of a particular aspect of your life'.

    Whether it is not having to get out of PJs all day or whether it is getting to interact with adults instead of little people during the day.

    When someone calls me lucky because I stay at home I don't ever consider they mean lucky in the ACTUAL sense of the word.
    Yeah that makes sense. I guess I'm thinking more of the 'see one minor snippet into someone's life and assume their entire life is easy and they have just had good luck fall upon them'. I've seen that a lot here - all SAHMs have it easy and are lucky because they do this. All working mums have it easy because they do this and they're lucky. Because of course we're lumped into categories based on our title given to us by society

    If I was to start bragging about something wonderful DP had done for me and someone said 'lucky girl' I would wholeheartedly agree. But the completely unprovoked attacks on how 'lucky' groups of people are based on one minor part of their life gets pretty old pretty quick.


 

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