starting to feel like a crazy person

[struggling mom]

I have a 7 month old daughter
I was not someone who wanted kids and had trouble accepting that I was soon going to be a mother when I was pregnant
I have suffered Bulimia for almost 10 years and being pregnant mate that alot worse I have delt with depression before but nothing like what I am dealing with now
some days are worse than others but they are all kinda bad

I am not someone that like to go to her friends with her problems I have always been the one my friends go to I have trouble opening up to people I know

but I am really struggling and I dont know what to do
I know I would never hurt my daughter but there are many days when I want to just leave her with her dad and run away, me and my husband have been fighting also and it usually has something to do with making bottles or me not feeling that he is helping enough and things with his mother, and I know it's not her fault but i cant help blaming the riff in out relationship on the fact that there is a baby around 24/7 I would never ever take it out on her I can understand it's not her fault I blame myself and my husband which causes fights

I have alot of days where if given the opportunity to take back ever falling pregnant I honestly would and I feel like the worse person in the world for feeling that way

I just lie to the people around me so they think I am happy and coping but I'm not coping at all I am barley getting by

Any advice would be hugley appreciated as I have nowhere left to turn

[tadpoles]

you need to speak to your doctor. I know it's hard when you are the one people come to but it sounds like you need help and maybe talking to a professional will be okay because they aren't one of your friends.
Also try and get your partner to mind baby for a couple hours while you do something for yourself.
That's really all the advice I have for you, I'm sorry.

[Lewbaby]

Hugs. I understand how you feel. I agree with Tadpoles advice and I would also say, if you can, get someone to watch the baby for a few hours and go out with your husband just the two of you. Do something together that you did pre baby and try not to talk about her while your out.

Don't feel guilty about taking time out for yourself. You need it!!

[Ffrenchknickers]

I know how hard it is

I have kept everything inside for so long and it really has sent me crazy. I have never wanted any of my friends to 'know' about me so I have put on a happy front and tried to make my life look as together as possible.

Just recently I opened up to one friend about my eating disorders and other stuff and it really freaked me out but little by little I have been able to share more with people and it is becoming easier and is also lightening the load. TO be able to say to someone 'I am struggling' is very freeing. Now it feels like the whole world knows 'all about me' and I still have friends, no one has rejected me, I actually feel close to people for the first time.

It is scary but you really need to find someone you can talk to. A friend, your DH, a counselor, whoever xox