How long can u let 4 Mth old cry?

[kim85]

I have had enough today. Every time i put ds down he cries.. I pick him up he stops and goes to sleep again.
I will be getting tizzy halls book at library but before i do i need to do this now!
So does anyone know the rules for 4months ? I will go in if he sounds really upset

[RubySunrise]

I totally understand where you're coming from.
I'm a Tizzie user, but I would say there's no "rules" and it depends on what sort of cry it is.
Is it an emotional cry or a grizzle/going to sleep cry? The last one, they'll cry, then pause, cry a bit more, then pause, etc.
If its a grizzle, then really, it's as long as you can stand it.
If its an emotional distressed cry, then I would never leave that longer than 1 min or so.
My dd (11 months) has generally always done a grizzle when I put her down, but it lasts no longer than 1min or 2 and then she goes to sleep.

I found Tizzie's book a huge help in this respect. You may not agree with everything in it, just take what you think is helpful and leave the rest.

[jbish]

I had a lot of progress by putting bub down awake and leaving. When she cried I would return and soothe her by "shhhhsing" or patting or whatever worked and when she stopped crying I would leave again. Repeat as many times as necessary until she went to sleep. If she got really upset and wouldn't calm down with the shhsing or patting I would pick her up but as soon as she stopped crying and calmed down I would put her back down.

Very draining, but I found that this way I never felt I was "leaving her to cry". I was always there. It is very hard but as PP has said, it's important to understand the different cries.

The above was a techinique I was taught by a MCHN at the Ellen Barron Family Center. After 4 days, she was going to sleep on time no worries.

[kim85]

Thanks guys i will try walking in each tome he cries and patting him.. Its really hard to hear him cry and me not go in even when in so fed up.
He only lasted a few mins before dh got upset too

[jbish]

Good luck Kim. I read your other thread about your DH not being supportive of your breastfeeding. You must be having a really tough time. So big hugs to you and you can PM me if you need to talk .