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  1. #11
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    Thanks Mommabear, it's so hard to navigate. I have no idea about any of this! I don't want to keep them apart, but I also don't want him walking in and out of her life as he pleases as I feel that it just as damaging as an absent father. I have tried a number of times to get set visits but he doesn't seem interested in seeing her often let alone setting times. If it imposes on his lifestyle then he is happy to skip visits. Should I just let him do what he wants then demand to see her when its convenient? I dont think so but I don't know how I can change this.

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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by PorkyPies View Post
    Thanks Mommabear, it's so hard to navigate. I have no idea about any of this! I don't want to keep them apart, but I also don't want him walking in and out of her life as he pleases as I feel that it just as damaging as an absent father. I have tried a number of times to get set visits but he doesn't seem interested in seeing her often let alone setting times. If it imposes on his lifestyle then he is happy to skip visits. Should I just let him do what he wants then demand to see her when its convenient? I dont think so but I don't know how I can change this.

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    Your best bet is to organize mediation with him, work out a plan and have it set in orders. Just explain to him that all three of you need a routine so you all know what the go is. As she's young you'd work it out in stages building to overnight visits, up to probably every second weekend? Then on to school age, discuss openly what you want ideally and be prepared to be flexible. The more amicable you can keep it, the better.

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    I don't want to keep them apart, but I also don't want him walking in and out of her life as he pleases as I feel that it just as damaging as an absent father.
    You should keep in mind, that having orders merely means that you have a set day/time that YOU have to have her available for his time with her. There is still nothing to force him to actually to take her during this period...

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maia View Post
    You should keep in mind, that having orders merely means that you have a set day/time that YOU have to have her available for his time with her. There is still nothing to force him to actually to take her during this period...
    Exactly this ^^ although it does make planning heaps easier.

    Without serious abuse or neglect, he won't find a magistrate in this country who will take her off you and give her to him further down the track, at least not full time. I would suggest mediation to organise a parenting agreement.

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    Yeah thats the negative about it all, theres nothing to force the parent to actually use the contact time set out in orders. If you refuse to allow it, your in trouble, but if they refuse to do it, nothing happens except a confused child. grrr.

    Mediation and parenting plans are deffinatly a great step, then they can be made into consent orders. That way Bio Father cant just walk in and take the kids when he pleases.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinOnAPrayer View Post
    Yeah thats the negative about it all, theres nothing to force the parent to actually use the contact time set out in orders. If you refuse to allow it, your in trouble, but if they refuse to do it, nothing happens except a confused child. grrr.

    Mediation and parenting plans are deffinatly a great step, then they can be made into consent orders. That way Bio Father cant just walk in and take the kids when he pleases.
    Not quite true. If they don't turn up when they are supposed to, they are in breach of the orders and can get into trouble.

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    I was told that the court cant force them to spend time with the kids

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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinOnAPrayer View Post
    I was told that the court cant force them to spend time with the kids
    No, if the orders say they are to pick them up at such and such a time etc and they don't, they are in breach.
    Though breaches are bloody hard to follow up on.
    ETA- I've been through it

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    Well as an update we spoke today for the first time in a week; I won't go into too much detail but he has said he doesn't see DD because he doesn't want to deal with me. He says I make him feel bad for not seeing DD and he already knows he doesn't so I shouldn't make him feel bad for it. Essentially placing the blame on me for him not seeing her. There's more to it, a lot of hurt and lies but thats an aside from DD. I mentioned that perhaps we should use mediation and he laughed and said 'Why? Isn't it usually used by mothers to stop fathers from seeing their kids? What are they going to do, force me to see her?' Further into the conversation he said he wants to see her once a week on Sunday, but wouldn't set a time and doesn't want me there. I am furious.. He is her father and I am supportive of them having a relationship but I will not leave her in his care alone, not for any period of time. He has no idea how to care for her, the few times he has had her alone at my house he has phoned me to come back because he can't cope. When my mother is present he still phones me because he doesn't want to ask her for help for fear of being embarrassed.

    I don't know what to do, I am going overseas in 2 weeks with DD so can't set anything in motion until we return (3 weeks later). Is mediation worth it in a case where her father doesn't want to make plans to see her? Can I be forced to give them unsupervised visits? He is not open to mediation, and even said 'but we get along fine' when I mentioned mediation again and then a minute later swore at me and told me doesn't want to f%&king see me. I so don't want to deal with this :-( I'm so stressed I'm barely eating.

    Please don't quote as I will delete identifying info at a later date.

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    If he declines mediation you can go to court.
    It's unlikely they'd stop him having unsupervised visits, it's his child too. He doesn't supervise your access after all.
    He does need to agree on a fixed time, I'd still apply for mediation. It usually takes weeks to set up, I'd o it ASAP.


 

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