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  1. #1
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    Default Mediation/Parenting plans?

    Hi all.. Things have been amicable with XDP, but honestly, he only sees 6 mth old DD 2-4 hrs a week. My friend mentioned that I should get a sole custody order or go through mediation to protect myself in the future, and I am wondering which is best? XDP rarely makes an effort with DD, he sees her when I ask him to but there is zero proactivity on his part, eg. we havent spoken in a week because I havent called him. I don't want him to suddenly decide in a year or 2 he wants sole custody of her. Should we agree to something now while things are reasonably amicable (meaning we dont fight)?

    I'm so confused by it all, if someone could explain the different processes thatd be great

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    Last edited by PorkyPies; 24-07-2012 at 19:52.

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    I would! Or just casually bring up with him that you would like to put in place a formal custody arrangement, just so you are both clear on whats happening. Good luck!

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    Contact the family relationship centre in your state and tell them you'd like to start mediation. You'll have an initial appointment and so will your ex and then the mediation will go from there

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    Thankyou for the advice! I've heard that nothing is enforcable unless it's taken to court, is that true?

    I have no immediate concerns of FOB takong DD or fighting me for custody, but the thought that he MAY do it down the line terrifies me!

    Does anyone know how long custody orders are enforcable for? Can they be changed down the line? Ie, if I get one now, can 1-2 years down the track could we have to go to court again?

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    The end result of mediation will be a parenting plan which is not legally enforcable but can be made into consent orders, which ARE legally enforcable. (The people at mediation can point you in the right direction on that process)

    They're enforcable forever.. if things change later & you want things changed you have to do mediation again.. most people when doing mediation negotiate something that acommodates all the stages of the child's life

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    In order to have something enforceable outside of a court hearing you need to make your agreement into consent orders as stated.

    Unless given a clause or memorandum they are enforceable until, in theory, your child is an adult. The only way to change a consent order is though consent, or if there is a SIGNIFICANT change either one can try through a court hearing. The idea is to look as far into the future as you can as unless you both agree its not a simple process to have them set aside.

    I've never had a parenting plan so can't comment either way there.

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    a parenting plan through mediation made into consent orders would be your best option. They won't give you sole custody without good reason.

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    Just be prepared, no court will give you 100 sole custody without serious abuse, violence etc being part of the situation. The courts maintain that all parents have equal shared parental responsibility and that children have a right to know both parents and spend significant time with both parents wherever possible. Your ex isn't doing anything wrong and I don't think its unusual for a man to not have as strong a bond with a baby he has very little to do with. I think this will change as your child gets older. By all means, go to mediation, discuss what you want, but be aware you child has a right to their father and vice versa. Good luck.

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    Maybe sole custody isn't the right term? What I want is for now to have her 100% with visitation from FOB at certain days and times that he has to stick to. At the moment there is no set day and no set time and he just comes whenever he feels like it. Half the time I have to/feel I have to cancel plans to accommodate him just so he actually sees her. There is no violence etc. I guess I just want to set something now while we are amicable, as I don't want him to decide he wants her for extended periods of time if our parenting relationship gpes down hill.. I hope that makes sense. I certainly don't want to keep them apart at any stage in her life

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    to start with there is no loger any such thing as custody as far as court are concerned.
    There is resides with and spends time with and reponsibility.
    Unless he is some kind of dangerous child offernder yoru unlikely to get sole anything!

    Best thing to do is come up with plans for visits- he has regular visits same time each week- they can then be increased as bub gets older til they are overnight etc...
    If you both aree you can take it to a lawyer and ask for them to help with consent orders(legally enforcble!) parenting orders are not enforcable and are just an agreement between both parties.
    Whether your amicable and agree now does not change the fact he can request more time with bub at any time if he wants- he may see her once a week for 2 yrs then request more time with her and theres nothing stopping that.


 

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