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  1. #11
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    Since i was a child, I've always been interested in what drives people, and people's stories and experiences. I've had some hardship in my life (not a lot compared to some people) and found that it works for me to make sense of these times by trying to understand what might cause others to behave the way they do.

    My uni studies and area of work requires me to understand and empathize, and hold a nonjudgmental stance at all times. I work in the 'grey area' of life... Eg. Where the line between 'victim' and 'offender' gets very blurry or doesn't exist.

    Personally, it brings me a lot of comfort to believe that people are not inherently bad or evil, but have experiences that influence the decisions they make. This philosophy helps me to be more gentle with myself too.
    Last edited by ABigDeepBreath; 14-07-2012 at 20:40.

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    Annabella  (14-07-2012),Ffrenchknickers  (14-07-2012),halloweendee  (14-07-2012),LoveLivesHere  (14-07-2012),MamaC  (14-07-2012),MissMuppet  (14-07-2012),Wallflower  (17-07-2012)

  3. #12
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    Peraonally, it brings me a lot of comfort to believe that people are not inherently bad or evil, but have experiences that influence the decisions they make. This philosophy helps me to be more gentle with myself too.
    I believe that too. I can't accept that someone is JUST BAD.

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happy2be3 View Post
    I'm a pretty "cold hearted" person and find it hard to empathise or show sympathy (or even feel it, let alone show it) for other people's hardships.

    \
    ***Sent from my phone***
    What do you think has contributed to that?

  5. #14
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    Yes, I find it easy to empathise with others. Sometimes too much so - I burst into tears hearing about others' suffering or pain and get upset myself when I see others being attacked. In the offline world I'm constantly being told I should 'harden up'.

    For me, I think its just that I'm a sensitive person. Always have been. Plus going through some difficult things myself over the years, and seeing loved ones struggle with things has helped me realise life is not full of easy decisions, and good people can make poor choices. We all make mistakes, after all. Some are just more public, or have more serious consequences than others. And we all come from different backgrounds, and have faced different challenges that influence our decisions.

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  7. #15
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    Buttoneska, I remember as a child feeling sorry for the colour grey because it wasn't ever anyone's favourite colour because it is boring compared yk beautiful bright blues, reds, greens etc lol! Nerd alert!!!

    But in all seriousness, I think I sometimes look too deeply into why people behave the way they do, my last boyfriend (before my husband) came to Australia very very young as a refugee and had quite a difficult life, his family were fairly traumatised and dysfunctional, history if sexual abuse, he was incredibly intelligent but smoking pot several times a day working in mundane jobs just to pay the bills etc. he didn't treat me very well, but I really struggled to separate him- the man, from him- the sad child, and put up with being treated like crap for too long because I just felt so sad for the life he'd lived and how it was affecting who he is now. Eventually my dad said to me to 'put the friend before the freindship', and if i really loved him to think about what was best for HIM, which was being held accountable for the way he treated me. It wasn't helping him with me excusing his behaviour. So I always try to keep that in mind too.

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  9. #16
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    Well said Miss Muppet. I don't think there's anything wrong with being like that though, you don't need to harden up! I am the same, some of the stories my DH comes home with about children he works with bring me to tears. The world needs bleeding hearts!

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Refresh View Post
    What do you think has contributed to that?
    I put it down to the Aspergers traits in my family (my son has Aspergers)... I dunno, I just don't get upset very easily, im not an emotional person by any means (unless it involves my own Son)

    ***Sent from my phone***

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  13. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Refresh View Post
    Yes, I think I am going through some kind of midlife crisis at 34! Am at a bit of a cross roads I guess you could say.
    Haha, I go through periods like that too! My poor family gets their ears chewed off for hours while I try to clarify it all in my head lol!

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  15. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    Buttoneska, I remember as a child feeling sorry for the colour grey because it wasn't ever anyone's favourite colour because it is boring compared yk beautiful bright blues, reds, greens etc lol! Nerd alert!!!

    But in all seriousness, I think I sometimes look too deeply into why people behave the way they do, my last boyfriend (before my husband) came to Australia very very young as a refugee and had quite a difficult life, his family were fairly traumatised and dysfunctional, history if sexual abuse, he was incredibly intelligent but smoking pot several times a day working in mundane jobs just to pay the bills etc. he didn't treat me very well, but I really struggled to separate him- the man, from him- the sad child, and put up with being treated like crap for too long because I just felt so sad for the life he'd lived and how it was affecting who he is now. Eventually my dad said to me to 'put the friend before the freindship', and if i really loved him to think about what was best for HIM, which was being held accountable for the way he treated me. It wasn't helping him with me excusing his behaviour. So I always try to keep that in mind too.
    That is interesting. There are so many factors aren't they...alot of GREY (sorry, I hope my use of that colour doesn't upset you too much ) area in between taking the hard line with people and enabling them.

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  17. #20
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    Yes and no.

    I had a less than ideal youth/young adulthood so I can empathise and sympathise but I also have little patience with people who continually complain but do nothing to try and better their situation, or for people who don't recognize that it's their choices that led them to right now.

    There are social, economic and environmental reasons for people doing what they do but ultimately it's the decisions they make that shape their future

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