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  1. #1
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    Default Do you have relatives (children) that you feel nothing for?

    Now I don't mean your own children, I mean nieces, nephews, cousins... little children that are in your extended family.

    Tomorrow is my brother's daughters birthday. See? I didn't even call her my niece... because I don't feel like that about her. I've met her once... a day after she was born. Then my brother had a hissy and decided he hated me, hated my daughter and that we were both bad, horrible people who would no doubt be a bad influence on a newborn, and banned out from her life. Until recently.

    Anyway, I don't really want to go... but I am going for my daughter's sake. Her other cousins live interstate and she has no siblings. She spent time with my brother's baby a month or so ago when my mother babysat them both at the same time... and DD had a lot of fun playing with her. So yeah, I kind of want to let DD have some sort of relationship there.

    That, and my mother is cracking it that we're "fighting," (even though we're not, my brother is just a jerk)... so I figure I realistically have to see them all of maybe twice a year, for her birthday and for Christmas, so I might as well just play it nice for a few hours twice yearly for her sake, and for my daughters.

    But I feel so mean that I don't feel anything for this baby. She is just a random baby in the way I feel about her... I guess because I saw her only once, and I don't like her parents and have never had anything to do with her through their choice, I have just not cared. I was very excited to become an Aunty... but when they were all "You're a bad parent, a bad person and we don't want you in our baby's life," I guess I kind of gave up on being an Aunty and moved on from there.

    Does it make me a horrible person? I will pretend that I am so happy and excited to see her turn 1 tomorrow... I know how to put on a show because I am kind of socially awkward and used to faking these things anyway, but I just don't feel ANYTHING for her. No love. No hate. No anything. SHe's just a baby... I would feel sad if anything happened to her, like I would any other baby I heard a sad story about, but I certainly don't feel love or affection for her.

    Anyway, I'm kind of wanting to know if this makes me horrible, or if anyone else out there has something similar in their family? TBH, I feel that DP's nephew is more of a relative to me... I met him when he was a week or so old, and have been in his life ever since... even though SIL would NEVER EVER think to include me as part of the family... and that makes me feel even worse tbh, that I would consider a little boy who's NOT technically related to me in any way to be more family than a little girl who is my brother's child and my daughter's cousin... biologically.

  2. #2
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    Yes.
    I have 8 nieces and nephews that i feel nothing for and 2 that i just feel anger for.
    .eta - the 8 i feel nothing for very similar circumstances, mother just chucked a hissy fit and cut us out of their lives, 6 are from the same family (2 i didnt even know existed til they were 2 and born) , 1 lives in the same town as me and goes to primary with my nephew but has never been allowed to see us and one i have seen once.

    I also have five great neices and nephews i feel nothing for, 4 of them siblings and their mum cut us completely and one i just barely if ever see
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    Last edited by GuestMember; 14-07-2012 at 14:50.

  3. #3
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    you are not a bad person, that was a pretty nasty thing they did to you and your dd

  4. #4
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    I don't think it's horrible at all.

    I have a niece from my brother, she will be one in August, I see her every couple of months, she is cute and all but I feel no connection to her at all. None of our family do.

    I think it's because her mother secludes herself at our family functions and try's to keep my brother away from us all (sneakily)

    Like 'oh baby is sick we should go home' or 'I'm not feeling well, you go without me'

    So we miss out on really getting to know her.

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    I don't think you're horrible at all. I have a niece and a brother who I haven't seen in 3 years. I found it easier to turn of all emotions regarding both of them than be sad about it all. I guess it's my defense mechanism from hurt.

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the replies.

    It's nice to know that others understand how it is... but at the same time still feel like I must be a bad person for not really caring either way about a child who's a relative of mine.

    Since they've gotten back into contact with me, the mother has been all, "Aw... here's a picture of baby," etc and I've looked at them and done the, "Wow, cute," standard replies... but it's as if some random has showed me photos of their baby. It's cute, sure, but I don't really care, and I don't really have any feelings about it. I think the way she's pretended like nothing has happened has made it weirder too... it's made me feel like I'm not supposed to have noticed that anything happened... but I can't just suddenly feel love for a child I never knew...

  7. #7
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    I have a heap of relos on my fathers side I never see nor do my other 2 sisters. I have relos on my mums side that I don't see either.

    So it's really only my sisters and me.

  8. #8
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    Maybe it a self-defence thing against there horribleness, Distancing yourself from any thoughts of her. im sure that didn't happen over night, it would have taken a bit of time to not be emotionally invested in her. You said you were excited when she was a baby on the way and then they did what they did. You could have either pined over the loss and been very unhappy or protect yourself.
    Im sure it's not something you could easily turn back on either.

    Take your time, and don't worry if you never get any of those feelings back again, cause it's not your fault in the first place.

  9. #9
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    I feel nothing toward DH's sisters kids. Never ever see them. I'd never think of myself as their Aunty.
    I also feel nothing to my step child. I don't love him or have any connection with him, and I find it really awkward when he stays.

  10. #10
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    I feel nothing for my sisters children. My relationship with both sisters is strained andthe way i feel about their progeny probably reflects the state of those relationships. I do somettimes feel bad about it, but oh well


 

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