Now I don't mean your own children, I mean nieces, nephews, cousins... little children that are in your extended family.
Tomorrow is my brother's daughters birthday. See? I didn't even call her my niece... because I don't feel like that about her. I've met her once... a day after she was born. Then my brother had a hissy and decided he hated me, hated my daughter and that we were both bad, horrible people who would no doubt be a bad influence on a newborn, and banned out from her life. Until recently.
Anyway, I don't really want to go... but I am going for my daughter's sake. Her other cousins live interstate and she has no siblings. She spent time with my brother's baby a month or so ago when my mother babysat them both at the same time... and DD had a lot of fun playing with her. So yeah, I kind of want to let DD have some sort of relationship there.
That, and my mother is cracking it that we're "fighting," (even though we're not, my brother is just a jerk)... so I figure I realistically have to see them all of maybe twice a year, for her birthday and for Christmas, so I might as well just play it nice for a few hours twice yearly for her sake, and for my daughters.
But I feel so mean that I don't feel anything for this baby. She is just a random baby in the way I feel about her... I guess because I saw her only once, and I don't like her parents and have never had anything to do with her through their choice, I have just not cared. I was very excited to become an Aunty... but when they were all "You're a bad parent, a bad person and we don't want you in our baby's life," I guess I kind of gave up on being an Aunty and moved on from there.
Does it make me a horrible person? I will pretend that I am so happy and excited to see her turn 1 tomorrow... I know how to put on a show because I am kind of socially awkward and used to faking these things anyway, but I just don't feel ANYTHING for her. No love. No hate. No anything. SHe's just a baby... I would feel sad if anything happened to her, like I would any other baby I heard a sad story about, but I certainly don't feel love or affection for her.
Anyway, I'm kind of wanting to know if this makes me horrible, or if anyone else out there has something similar in their family? TBH, I feel that DP's nephew is more of a relative to me... I met him when he was a week or so old, and have been in his life ever since... even though SIL would NEVER EVER think to include me as part of the family... and that makes me feel even worse tbh, that I would consider a little boy who's NOT technically related to me in any way to be more family than a little girl who is my brother's child and my daughter's cousin... biologically.