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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    I saw the cat "assume pee position" on my folding pile and said "uh uh!" in a loud voice as I ran to get him off. My 8yo was down the hallway, the cat was across the room from me. She sat locked in the room crying for 20 minutes over it. This makes yelling ineffective. I didn't even yell, just said it loud to scare him off. People are horrified that I smacked her occasionally when she was younger but seriously a single smack had far, far less of an impact than yelling does.
    awww the poor little thing that breaks my heart.



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    WastingTime- our mornings sound ohhhh so similar, so I'm not about to pretend I know how to have perfect mornings, but, I find with my 4.5yo, he often needs me to break down things into little steps, and tell him only a couple at a time. I read about this once too, that at that age you can't just say "get ready to go", as it's too overwhelming to know what to do (even though they've done it every freaking day for ever LOL), and also if you do break it down for them all at once they forget all the steps.
    ie. first of all, I'd seperate them so they are less likely to muck around. One with their clothes on one side of the room, or another room. The other somewhere else. Ok so for my 4yo, if we're having one of *those days* and I mange to keep my calm long enough to think straight, I would say "ok brush teeth and wash face". After that's done, "now clothes off except for undies, here are your new clothes, put them on please". After that "put your pj's on your bed please and fix your quilt". Then "put shoes and jacket on". And finally "get your bag and to the door".

    It works alot better IMO, and even though it sounds like you're constantly nagging them, it works out to be alot less nagging than the other way! And you don't have to stand there and watch, just keep an eye out when you're walking around getting yourself and bags etc etc ready.

    Hope that helps.

  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by CMF View Post
    WastingTime- our mornings sound ohhhh so similar, so I'm not about to pretend I know how to have perfect mornings, but, I find with my 4.5yo, he often needs me to break down things into little steps, and tell him only a couple at a time. I read about this once too, that at that age you can't just say "get ready to go", as it's too overwhelming to know what to do (even though they've done it every freaking day for ever LOL), and also if you do break it down for them all at once they forget all the steps.
    ie. first of all, I'd seperate them so they are less likely to muck around. One with their clothes on one side of the room, or another room. The other somewhere else. Ok so for my 4yo, if we're having one of *those days* and I mange to keep my calm long enough to think straight, I would say "ok brush teeth and wash face". After that's done, "now clothes off except for undies, here are your new clothes, put them on please". After that "put your pj's on your bed please and fix your quilt". Then "put shoes and jacket on". And finally "get your bag and to the door".

    It works alot better IMO, and even though it sounds like you're constantly nagging them, it works out to be alot less nagging than the other way! And you don't have to stand there and watch, just keep an eye out when you're walking around getting yourself and bags etc etc ready.

    Hope that helps.
    Thank you! I will give this a go in the morning. Tomorrow is going to be tough...my youngest is going to pre-school but my oldest will be staying home with me. Getting ready to get out the door to go to pre-school is not going to be easy!
    My 4 year old is the worst...the 6 year old can be fantastic and if she decided she is going to get ready quickly she'll be ready in 40 minutes and when I go through her list of what to do she's done it all.
    My 4 year old...slow as, total distractions...nightmare. My husband always says 'she's just like me, go easy on her.' So I told him to deal with her if he bred it in to her cause it drives me nuts (we said this quietly to each other, in another room, she wouldn't have heard). Then the one morning where I had to leave early and he was in charge of getting them ready for the day on his own I think it took him three asks before he was yelling at her to stop mucking around and then he was sitting on the lounge dressing her himself and he was cranky and flustered. He hasn't told me to leave her be since that day

    I wonder if something visual would help them? If I got pictures of the things they needed to do to get ready in order and drew it up on some cardboard and stuck the pictures on so they could turn it in to a little game. At the end of the 'jobs' I could have a picture of a toy to let them know it is now time to go and play.....thoughts anyone?

  4. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    awww the poor little thing that breaks my heart.



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    I know she is sensitive to noise/yelling but thought she was far enough away and really, I hate rewashing and having to get cat pee smell out talk about feeling awful!

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    For those struggling with mornings, this is what we do.No tv.Have photos of making bed, brushing teeth, etc in the order they do it in.Little laminated gold stars with blu tac so they stick one over each one as it is completed.Every few minutes ask "what are you up to?"This works well for us no matter how many kids are in the house.

  6. #116
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    I yell over her high pitched screeching . Dh yells and it even scares me sometimes. 23mo dd runs to me in tears when he does, i hate it

  7. #117
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Wasting time, if my 4 year old doesn't get dressed in time I collect his clothes and tell him I will take him as he is i.e. if he is half undressed I will take him to school in just his pajama shirt, I've never gotten past this stage it always works because he is mortified by the idea of going to school half naked. Probably not the most desirable method but I like to think of it as natural consequences. Of course I help him if it's needed or if he is having a frustrating morning but if he is just being silly....

  8. #118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post

    I wonder if something visual would help them? If I got pictures of the things they needed to do to get ready in order and drew it up on some cardboard and stuck the pictures on so they could turn it in to a little game. At the end of the 'jobs' I could have a picture of a toy to let them know it is now time to go and play.....thoughts anyone?
    I tried that once for bedtimes with my eldest, but he was only about 3yo, probably too young, and so it didn't work at all. Might be better for preschool/school age kids though.

  9. #119
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    I have a 4 year old and a 3 year old.

    yes they have been yelled out when i am at the end of my rope. this probably happens once every couple of months.

    IMO (from working in a kindergarten and with my own kids) yelling is ineffective and mean. i feel like a big awful bully when i yell, and go to bed that night feeling guilty.

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  11. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post
    Jane Doe nah...I'm telling them nicely to get ready while I'm cleaning up after breakfast, or making my lunch for the day, or making the toddler's bed. Plus I think a 6 and a 4 year old should be getting themselves dressed...even my 2 year old has started dressing himself now (with help but he gives it a go himself first these days).

    They don't seem phased about losing stuff. They lost all their pencils and pens for the whole school holidays because they were drawing on the lounge (told a thousand times not to) and got pen on the lounge so they lost them for that weekend, and then my 6 year old got a chair and pulled them off the top of the fridge the next morning and they were hiding under the table drawing instead of getting ready so they were taken for the whole school holidays. My 6 year old draws constantly but she has just occupied herself in other ways and they just don't seem to care that they've lost it. My 6 year old has always been like this...I used to take toys etc. off her when she was younger and when people would come to the house she'd point to them and say 'they're the toys I am not allowed to play with' and then she'd just run off and go and play with something else. As she got a bit older I'd take toys and she'd just say 'I don't care, I'll get them back in a week.' I even resorted to throwing them out after those comments and she'd cry and be upset and then she'd go back to doing what caused her to lose the toy in the first place.

    Austmum it is tough because nothing seems to work. They are having too much fun with each other to care about what I'm asking them to do. I don't want to be the mum that yells because I don't think it's nice to yell at anyone but we are stuck in this awful rut where nothing else seems to work.

    Another thing I have done is told them that they've missed out on doing something...eg. 'You kids took so long to get ready today that we don't have time to go to the park before we go to x. If you had gotten ready like you were asked to then we would be playing at the park right now.' It seems to bother them for about 2 minutes and even though they've missed out on quite a few things (even cancelled swimming lessons which they love cause they wouldn't get ready, they miss out on parks/scooter rides/bike rides/shopping trips to spend their piggy bank money) and the next morning they get up and behave the exact same way.

    I would have them getting dressed in the same room i am in...no TV/music distraction etc. I would also think about doing it as a game or a race... perhaps "ok...1st one with their shirt on gets to pick the next clothing item to put on"

    Yes at 4 and 6, they are starting to learn about doing things themselves...but little kids can get distracted very easily...not that they are naughty...just being kids.

    I do my very best to enable the right circumstances for success. I rarely raise my voice as i don't like being yelled at so I don't yell! The few times i have yelled, i usually apologise shortly after.

    From about 3, i would talk things through...his 3 year old kinder teacher commented that when she wanted him to do something he said "no thanks, let's negotiate so we are both happy" lol...my constant line to him.

    I used closed options for him... "do you want to put your shoes on or do your teeth first" or "would you like toast or bubbles for brekky"

    if no response, i would say "choose now, or i will need to choose for you"

    A lot of the time, parents yell because they have done the wrong thing, not the child. They yell because the child made a big mess...but they should have been watching the child. They yell because the child shows them that they have made a mistake.

    I also think many people have unreasonable expectations of their small kids which is why they seem so constantly disappointed with them.

    It is my job to ensure my kids are safe and happy and that they have suitable supervision. I am there to teach them life skills over time...not expect them to just do it when I decide i don't have time to help them anymore.

    If your kids struggle to get ready to your expectation...change your expectation and help them. Less stress for everyone and more life enjoyment.


 

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