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  1. #101
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    1 warning to do as I say or theres an immediate consequence. Such as loose privilege, loose toy or in my house loose a star from their chart. This is important to them because 100 stars means a new toy.

    For the toddler it's a firm no and redirect.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by austmum View Post
    1 warning to do as I say or theres an immediate consequence. Such as loose privilege, loose toy or in my house loose a star from their chart. This is important to them because 100 stars means a new toy.

    For the toddler it's a firm no and redirect.
    Well I don't and won't use reward charts but today they lost a new toy (until they were ready for the day) that they got yesterday and are totally in love with and still they couldn't get their butts in to gear and get ready to go out without me yelling...oh and we were going somewhere they were very excited to be going too. It's not like I was dragging them to the nursing home to see 90 year old Aunt Shirley who pinches their cheeks and gives them wet kisses on the lips.
    Oh and I'm not trying to be difficult either. I have tried so many things. When we're staying home for the day, or I have time, I've even made them go and sit on their beds for an hour, which is the amount of time they have to get ready in the morning, to show them just how long an hour is and how much they could get done in that time. Still the same the next day.
    I've tried telling them that once it hits 8am (this gives me 30 min to get the 2 year old ready and myself ready) I am not reminding them what they need to do, they are to remember it all on their own and if they're not ready, too bad...we're out for the day. Before 8am I will remind them and help them with the things they need help with. It doesn't work. They just seem to slow down even more and have nothing done by 8am and then 30 minutes later when I'm leaving they are so worked up that they aren't ready that they are crying and running and screaming 'mummy, wait, please mummy wait, I'm not ready.' It's horribly traumatic for them and they seem a lot less phased by my yelling so I don't want to put them through that each morning either.
    Last edited by Wastingtime; 15-07-2012 at 20:00.

  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wastingtime View Post
    So for you non yellers how do you get your kids to listen to you?

    I don't just start out yelling at my kids. Here, I'll give you an example...

    'Girls I need you to not muck around and get ready quickly today okay? We have to get out of the house early.'
    'Ok mummy.'
    *They finish breakfast*
    'Ok girls, get dressed now you've had breakfast.'
    'Ok mummy'
    *5 minutes late they are standing at the lounge with their pj's still on, clothes in front of them but singing and/or talking to each other and not getting ready.*
    'Girls, I have already told you we need to leave quickly today. Please concentrate on getting ready and then you can sing/talk with each other.'
    'Okkkaaayyyy'
    *5 minutes later, one might have managed to get their pyjama top on and the other might have managed to undo the buttons on their pyjama top.*
    ' (stern voice) Girls, I have now asked you nicely several times to get ready quickly today and you are taking far too long. I have things to do and can't stand here and watch to make sure you are getting ready. I am starting to get cranky because you are ignoring me. We are leaving in 20 minutes now please hurry up.'
    'Okay.'
    *insert similar conversations here for the next 15 minutes. Girls still mucking around, not even close to being ready to walk out the door.*
    And then I yell at them that they need to hurry up and that I am leaving in 5 minutes if they are ready or not and they run around like crazy and are crying cause they are panicking about not being ready and 5 in 5 minutes they've managed to brush their teeth, pack their bags, make their beds and be ready to get out the door even though it took them an hour to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast and get dressed.

    Honestly I would LOVE some ideas. My kids are 6,4, and 2 and my husband has commented that I yell at them too much (the 6 and 4 year old) and I agree but they just will not listen unless I'm yelling.
    I have sat down and spoke to them about how much I hate yelling at them, how I don't expect them to remember everything they need to do in the morning so I will remind them as I am going along getting ready but that I have things to do in the morning as well and they are old enough to do these things on their own (my 4 year old is nearly 5).
    They used to be great at getting ready for the day and they have just gotten worse the older they've got. I don't have time of a morning to stop and discipline them for not listening. Mornings are hectic and crazy as 5 of us try to get out of the house in 1hr 15 minutes (the time can not be changed...no one can get up earlier or anything like that to make it less stressful), there's no tv on, no music, and they aren't allowed to play until they are ready for the day.

    So give me your ideas. I hate yelling. It's every morning and every night at dinner/bath/bed time when I'm on my own with three kids and trying to get everything done so I can sit down and study once they're in bed.
    If you combined all the times you spent 'nicely explaining' you could have dressed them yourself!

    I would suggest setting a timer - if they are not finished doing xyz before timer goes off they lose something special (ie playing on iPod or DS) they know the consequence before we start!

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  5. #104
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    I know it's tough and it doesn't always work. I hope you can find something that works better for you guys.

  6. #105
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    I saw the cat "assume pee position" on my folding pile and said "uh uh!" in a loud voice as I ran to get him off. My 8yo was down the hallway, the cat was across the room from me. She sat locked in the room crying for 20 minutes over it. This makes yelling ineffective. I didn't even yell, just said it loud to scare him off. People are horrified that I smacked her occasionally when she was younger but seriously a single smack had far, far less of an impact than yelling does.

  7. #106
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    and what about the kids who don't understand consequence? ie my 9yo asd child?

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  8. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by JaneDoe View Post
    If you combined all the times you spent 'nicely explaining' you could have dressed them yourself!

    I would suggest setting a timer - if they are not finished doing xyz before timer goes off they lose something special (ie playing on iPod or DS) they know the consequence before we start!
    Jane Doe nah...I'm telling them nicely to get ready while I'm cleaning up after breakfast, or making my lunch for the day, or making the toddler's bed. Plus I think a 6 and a 4 year old should be getting themselves dressed...even my 2 year old has started dressing himself now (with help but he gives it a go himself first these days).

    They don't seem phased about losing stuff. They lost all their pencils and pens for the whole school holidays because they were drawing on the lounge (told a thousand times not to) and got pen on the lounge so they lost them for that weekend, and then my 6 year old got a chair and pulled them off the top of the fridge the next morning and they were hiding under the table drawing instead of getting ready so they were taken for the whole school holidays. My 6 year old draws constantly but she has just occupied herself in other ways and they just don't seem to care that they've lost it. My 6 year old has always been like this...I used to take toys etc. off her when she was younger and when people would come to the house she'd point to them and say 'they're the toys I am not allowed to play with' and then she'd just run off and go and play with something else. As she got a bit older I'd take toys and she'd just say 'I don't care, I'll get them back in a week.' I even resorted to throwing them out after those comments and she'd cry and be upset and then she'd go back to doing what caused her to lose the toy in the first place.

    Austmum it is tough because nothing seems to work. They are having too much fun with each other to care about what I'm asking them to do. I don't want to be the mum that yells because I don't think it's nice to yell at anyone but we are stuck in this awful rut where nothing else seems to work.

    Another thing I have done is told them that they've missed out on doing something...eg. 'You kids took so long to get ready today that we don't have time to go to the park before we go to x. If you had gotten ready like you were asked to then we would be playing at the park right now.' It seems to bother them for about 2 minutes and even though they've missed out on quite a few things (even cancelled swimming lessons which they love cause they wouldn't get ready, they miss out on parks/scooter rides/bike rides/shopping trips to spend their piggy bank money) and the next morning they get up and behave the exact same way.
    Last edited by Wastingtime; 15-07-2012 at 20:18.

  9. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Munch & Moo View Post
    Do I yell? Yes.

    Im not perfect. Sometimes things get the better of me and I turn into yelling Mum.

    Do I like that I yell? No.

    Do I try not to yell? Yes.
    This

  10. #109
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    Of course I yell!
    When they were little, no, but now I have a pre teen, it's the only way to make myself heard...or so it seems ! Lol

  11. #110
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    I have to yell. My three year old has no volume switch.

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