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  1. #91
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    I don't remember ever yelling at nearly 3yo DS in anger. I would yell out if he was about to hurt himself or do something dangerous like Nemmi said, but not yell AT him. There's a huge difference between the two.

    OP, at 17 months, your child doesn't understand. I found if DS pulled my hair or bit me, a sad "owies, you hurt Mummy" and a sad face was enough to make him realise he hurt me.

    You say you scream at your child and I'm sorry, but I'm with your DH. Screaming is a whole level above yelling and I think would be quite damaging to your child.

    I think it was Boobycino who said she runs away - I do that too. If I feel myself getting angry, I give myself a time out and leave the room for a couple of minutes. How can I expect my son to control his emotions if I can't control mine?

  2. #92
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thermolicious View Post
    I think a lot of the people who have posted saying no only have one child and/or their children are quiet young <3

    It's all well and good to give pointers but when I'm feeding the baby and my 4 yr old is about to pinch or bite his 3 yr old brother on the other side of the room I yell at him. Now that doesn't mean that I don't follow it up...and someone listening next door isn't going to hear that conversation. So I wouldn't judge unless you are actually a fly on the wall!
    agreed! all u non yellers come back and see me when u have 15yo
    i know its not great and if my kid was terrified etc i wouldn't do it. im sure they aren't as they are pretty keen to yell back lol. i think we are just kinda ' you aren't agreeing with me so ill say it louder' people. completely ridiculous really.

    also i think there's a huge jump between yelling and yelling abuse. i never swear or name call etc. i yell things like " omg dd i asked you 597 times to do your homework/ chores and you are watching tv and still haven't done it!!!!!!"
    " ds stop kicking me/the wall/the tv!!!"
    " ds for the 56th time you can't have an orange if there are none left!!!
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  3. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    also i think there's a huge jump between yelling and yelling abuse. i never swear or name call etc. i yell things like " omg dd i asked you 597 times to do your homework/ chores and you are watching tv and still haven't done it!!!!!!"
    " ds stop kicking me/the wall/the tv!!!"
    " ds for the 56th time you can't have an orange if there are none left!!!
    But why does it need to be yelled at them? Is it because you're frustrated and out of control when it happens, or do you consider it an effective parenting technique?

  4. #94
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    agreed! all u non yellers come back and see me when u have 15yo
    i know its not great and if my kid was terrified etc i wouldn't do it. im sure they aren't as they are pretty keen to yell back lol. i think we are just kinda ' you aren't agreeing with me so ill say it louder' people. completely ridiculous really.

    also i think there's a huge jump between yelling and yelling abuse. i never swear or name call etc. i yell things like " omg dd i asked you 597 times to do your homework/ chores and you are watching tv and still haven't done it!!!!!!"
    " ds stop kicking me/the wall/the tv!!!"
    " ds for the 56th time you can't have an orange if there are none left!!!
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    A 15yo is not a 17mo. The OP has 1 baby.

  5. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    But why does it need to be yelled at them? Is it because you're frustrated and out of control when it happens, or do you consider it an effective parenting technique?
    I know as a teenager and a kid... I pushed the Boundaries and it wasn't till either mum or dad yelled i did what they asked .... I just didn't take them
    Serious till they yelled .... Asking me
    In a cross voice I was like hmmm I've still got a while before they really want me to do it.... Then maybe they will
    Just do it themselves :-)

    Although yelling at such a little tike is a bit over the top.... But some Kids just don't listen till u get cross...

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    But why does it need to be yelled at them? Is it because you're frustrated and out of control when it happens, or do you consider it an effective parenting technique?
    no as i think i said in both my posts i don't think it is an effective parenting technique. i don't feel out of control but frustrated yes. i think its my natural albeit lazy response then my brain ticks over into hmm this is not really working. next?

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  7. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    A 15yo is not a 17mo. The OP has 1 baby.
    absolutely. i said in my first poster directed at the op that at that age i don't yell. my youngest actually is 17 months and i would never yell at him. if i did i suspect he would cry. he wouldn't understand. i do personally tthink the op sounds a bit out of control and could maybe benefit from some advice. triple p parenting course perhaps?.


    my comment suggesting the non yellers come back with a 15 yo was directed at other posters. the non yellers lol. i do acknowledge that yelling isn't usually helpful with a 15yo either though. but i am more frustrated and feel justified in that she understands, is not scared, and is aware that she has pushed me a long way to get there. shrug. i honestly don't believe what i do is equal to abuse as someone suggested yelling is? but i can see how some yelling oversteps into abuse. mine is not crazy screaming. not swearing. not mean or derogatory. not frequent. not prolonged. not abuse. its more like attention grabbing. resorting to the 15 yo level lol not that im particularly proud of that.



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  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to grumpysmurf For This Useful Post:

    share a book  (15-07-2012),Stiflers Mom  (15-07-2012)

  9. #98
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    Yeah there definitely are times where I 100% stand by me yelling. Like jasper running towards and then onto the road in front of our house when he was 2. I yelled "STOP!!!" (Several times) while running after him.

    And a few times similarly to get his attention FAST because he was at risk.

    So I take back "I never yelled at him as a baby/toddler" to I've never yelled at him in anger or as discipline prior to 2-3 years. Or yelled to him (like "come back here!" When he'd take off across the park because hed go so far so fast an indoor voice would achieve nothing.)

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  10. #99
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    Yes I yell at my nearly 6 yo as he does not listen ever. I try other approaches first but if he repeatedly ignores me I yell. I save the mad banshee woman for when he doesn't listen when we are walking around cars. I'm not perfect, it's not ideal but I don't smack, other forms of discipline arent always effective or time critical. He needs to learn some discipline and sometimes yelling is effective.

  11. #100
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    So for you non yellers how do you get your kids to listen to you?

    I don't just start out yelling at my kids. Here, I'll give you an example...

    'Girls I need you to not muck around and get ready quickly today okay? We have to get out of the house early.'
    'Ok mummy.'
    *They finish breakfast*
    'Ok girls, get dressed now you've had breakfast.'
    'Ok mummy'
    *5 minutes late they are standing at the lounge with their pj's still on, clothes in front of them but singing and/or talking to each other and not getting ready.*
    'Girls, I have already told you we need to leave quickly today. Please concentrate on getting ready and then you can sing/talk with each other.'
    'Okkkaaayyyy'
    *5 minutes later, one might have managed to get their pyjama top on and the other might have managed to undo the buttons on their pyjama top.*
    ' (stern voice) Girls, I have now asked you nicely several times to get ready quickly today and you are taking far too long. I have things to do and can't stand here and watch to make sure you are getting ready. I am starting to get cranky because you are ignoring me. We are leaving in 20 minutes now please hurry up.'
    'Okay.'
    *insert similar conversations here for the next 15 minutes. Girls still mucking around, not even close to being ready to walk out the door.*
    And then I yell at them that they need to hurry up and that I am leaving in 5 minutes if they are ready or not and they run around like crazy and are crying cause they are panicking about not being ready and 5 in 5 minutes they've managed to brush their teeth, pack their bags, make their beds and be ready to get out the door even though it took them an hour to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast and get dressed.

    Honestly I would LOVE some ideas. My kids are 6,4, and 2 and my husband has commented that I yell at them too much (the 6 and 4 year old) and I agree but they just will not listen unless I'm yelling.
    I have sat down and spoke to them about how much I hate yelling at them, how I don't expect them to remember everything they need to do in the morning so I will remind them as I am going along getting ready but that I have things to do in the morning as well and they are old enough to do these things on their own (my 4 year old is nearly 5).
    They used to be great at getting ready for the day and they have just gotten worse the older they've got. I don't have time of a morning to stop and discipline them for not listening. Mornings are hectic and crazy as 5 of us try to get out of the house in 1hr 15 minutes (the time can not be changed...no one can get up earlier or anything like that to make it less stressful), there's no tv on, no music, and they aren't allowed to play until they are ready for the day.

    So give me your ideas. I hate yelling. It's every morning and every night at dinner/bath/bed time when I'm on my own with three kids and trying to get everything done so I can sit down and study once they're in bed.


 

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