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  1. #1
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    Default Do you yell at your children?

    My dh thinks i should stop screaming at dd 17mths.
    I only do it when she hurts me to let her know i am not happy. I usually say something like "STOP! I DONT LIKE YOU PULLING MY HAIR IT REALLY HURTS" and walk away from her or move her away from me.
    I yell at her when she throws food at me/the wall/floor for the 367th time or when slaps me when we are cuddling/having quiet time.
    I know she can eat really. I feel she is old enough for boundaries now. I focus on good behaviour and parise her for it. Ignoring the bad behaviour doesnt work and i feel i need to let her know when she is misbehaving or doing something unacceptable.
    I do explain to her (in simple form) all the time why her behaviour is inappropriate but after the 657th time, my fuse is really short and i just explode.

    She is at such a fun and exploring age. I hate the thought of putting limitations on her inquisitiveness and i realise she is also trying to test me and see what se can get away with at times. I feel i have already put up with enough hair pulling, slaps, food splats and plate throwing. I feel it's now time to set her straight with these type of things.
    Somtimes i just cant controll my urge to yell at her because i just get so annoyed/angry. Dh isnt with her 24/7, it does get tiring and i admit, it does get hard to teach a 17mth old basic socally aceptable behaviours!

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    No I really try not to yell. If ds hurts me I will sometimes yell but that's me losing my cool, I don't think it's the right thing to do. What are you trying to achieve by yelling? Scaring her? Making her feel intimidated? I believe if you can stay calm and follow with consequences in a rational way (if she throws her food, take it away, if she bites, put her down and walk away) it will get the message through much better.

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  4. #3
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    Yeah I do yell but I try not to because I don't think it's very effective. I yell when I've lost my cool.
    When my kids are 17 months...no I don't yell. I think you'll find that if you just say 'stop, that hurts' and then get up and walk away if she goes to do it again it will be just as effective as you yelling at her.
    With the food throwing thing...it's something fun for them, it's a stage and the best way to stop it (well the best way that I have found anyway) is to make them help clean up the mess they made by throwing their food. She's not too old to pick up bits of toast or whatever and put them in the bin. I also found making sure I was near my kids so I could pull off the top tray on their highchair and remove the food before they had a chance to start throwing it also helped them move past the 'throwing food' stage a lot quicker.

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    I am quick to anger, and have yelled at my son.

    My partner is firmly of the view that it is as bad as smacking, and can make a child anxious, fearful, ashamed etc.

    I tend to agree, as it does seem to affect my son, and it's something I try to avoid. I try to remove myself from the situation if I am losing my temper.

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    I yell when my boys have ignored me for the millionth time. Actually most of the time I yell its because I am up to millionth time telling them or asking them to do something. Most of the time we are quiet talkers.

    There is a few differences with yelling/screaming. Are you going absolutely bonkers yelling, or raising your voice?

    I don't think loosing the plot yelling all the time is very constructive but raising your voice and been firm when she is slapping hitting etc I think is fair enough.

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  10. #6
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    Savingfishfromdrowning is offline If you can't change your fate, change your attitude
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    Instead of yelling (that is raising the volume of your voice), maybe try changing the tone of your voice? Don't speak louder, but instead with more authority. Lower the pitch of your speech (like and man's voice) and use fewer words, also crouch down to her level and look her in the eye. This shows that you are still in control and you mean what you say.

    I think it's perfectly fine at that age to communicate that some behaviours are unacceptable - such as hair pulling. In that instance a short, firm '(Name) - No pulling hair' and stop doing whatever you were doing that precipitated the hair pulling works for me.

    Throwing food etc. is a fact of life at that age - is it possible she's trying to tell you she's finished eating? Maybe stop trying to feed her if she starts throwing her food. She could also be doing it because it gets such a good reaction from you

    I think you should only need to yell if there is a safety issue and volume is needed (like in a noisy car park or something). It's hard to control your temper with toddlers, for me, just taking a deep breath and walking away for a second really helps.

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    I have started yelling at my kids in the last year or 2, but that's only since they're older now and there's 3 of them LOL, but I fully recognise that I yell because I have lost my temper, yelling does NOT work at all. I have my stern mummy voice down pat, which is all I should be using now, and am trying not to yell so much, by calming myself down (counting in my head and closing my eyes when I can) before opening my mouth.

    At 17 months, yelling wouldn't be doing anything to help. You need to use a stern voice instead, lower in pitch, and slower. If you have temper issues now with her at this age, I suggest you do a parenting course as well as learn some strategies on how to control your temper, because it's only going to get more frustrating from here!

    Yes at her age, you DO need to say something 657+++ times for her to get it. You DO need to keep ignoring bad behaviour and redirecting her, and praising the good behaviour. She is still a baby. Yes, a baby! I know it's hard to see that, as she's your 'big girl' now that she's getting older, but she really is still very young and cannot listen to reason. You can try and instil good behaviour in her now, of course, but as for disciplining 'unacceptable behaviours', you're really not going to have much luck there at this age.

    Good luck, maybe someone else will have some ideas for parenting courses/books that are helpful.

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    i do. more so my older ones as the little ones I've never really felt i lost my temper with and resorted to yelling. I've found that
    a) it doesn't work and
    b) I've taught my kids to yell when they are frustrated and feel they aren't being heard

    sometimes i catch myself screaming " stop screaming at me!" lol

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    Yes I have yelled and do sometimes still, but I really try not to. It really doesn't achieve anything tbh, except make them feel bad, make me feel terrible and make the whole house feel like a downer.
    Your DD is pretty young, she would probably respond better to a change of tone. And you role modelling the behaviour you want to see. And as annoying as it is, messy food is part and parcel of that age. Gotta love finding weetbix on the ceiling

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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpysmurf View Post
    b) I've taught my kids to yell when they are frustrated and feel they aren't being heard

    sometimes i catch myself screaming " stop screaming at me!" lol

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub
    LOL yes my kids do that, and then I turn around and yell STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!!!! errrmmmm....


 

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