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  1. #1
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    Default Being a step parent vent

    Grrr I'm so mad ATM. I have 1 DD and 3 step kids, all whom I raise. My 3 step kids see their mum every 2nd weekend (if it suits her) and then half of school holidays (again, if it suits her).
    She missed last Xmas and Easter holidays coz she just didn't want them. (they are 14, 10, 8).
    These school holidays she was meant to have them 2 weeks (as her w/e fell with half school hols and we have 3 weeks hols). This is all good, she has done her duty for the past two weeks. I had asked DH to ask her if she'd have them for the third week too (organized this weeks ago) as I'm 33 weeks pregnant and have had lots of complications and Ob thought I would have delivered by now.
    She said she would have them through the day but no overnight (long story). That was good, i was happy with that.
    Now that I'm not in hospital yet, DH tells me, "oh we'll we can have the kids home now, coz your not in hospital"! I'm like "no, your a work all day, and then do OT almost 3-4 times a week, I'm not having the kids when "their mother" has already agreed to have them through the day. I never get a break from your kids and I need this break. She constantly gives them up to suit her, and you do nothing about it. I want next week to myself and DD without the added stress of your kids".
    He is now angry/upset with me for not wanting his kids home.
    Do I have a right to want an extra week to myself? I can have this baby anyday now, an i already raise his kids full time. He works long hours, and expects me to just play mum.... Tell me I have a right to want this extra week with just DD (who is 15). Pleeeeease!!!

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    Perhaps hubby is upset because he didn't realise you felt that strongly about it and he was just caught by surprise (and when people are caught by surprise their first instinct is to defend themselves /their kids).

    Hubby may also be upset because it
    appears you have established a line where you clearly see his kids as different and not 'yours'?

    Either way you are entitled to a break, perhaps a 'softer' delivery message would help? Eg focus on you needing a rest, peace and quiet etc. Try not to mention 'his' kids, or 'their mother'. That's not the focus. And could your 15 year olds dad take her for a bit? That could prove that you need a break full stop, it's not about 'his kids'.

    On the plus side, your hubby loving his kids and wanting them around is a good thing. Shows he is a good daddy which you've got to be happy with!

    Good luck !

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  4. #3
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    If BM has said she would have them during the day and that's what was agreed then why change it? Like you said, you could have bub at any minute, so long as the kids are happy to be with their mum during the day and you guys over night I don't see the problem, if your dh isn't going to be home then I honestly think the choice is yours whether or not his kids are there during the day.

    Good luck with the upcoming birth

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    I think you're being a bit rough. I can see exactly why he would be upset.

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    VicPark  (14-07-2012)

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    hey angenrod you might want to join the private step parents chat group where you can talk with other step parents who understand your predicament. If you join us there we can offer some advice and hopefully some support.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ulysses View Post
    hey angenrod you might want to join the private step parents chat group where you can talk with other step parents who understand your predicament. If you join us there we can offer some advice and hopefully some support.
    Was going to say the same thing! It's a very supportive environment for step parents.

    In regards to your OP, I don't think you are being at all unreasonable. Sounds like you already go above and beyond. Maybe gently explain to your DH what you need and what you are going through and remain firm- you need to stick to what has been agreed to for your own health.

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    Quote Originally Posted by angenrod View Post
    Grrr I'm so mad ATM. I have 1 DD and 3 step kids, all whom I raise. My 3 step kids see their mum every 2nd weekend (if it suits her) and then half of school holidays (again, if it suits her).
    She missed last Xmas and Easter holidays coz she just didn't want them. (they are 14, 10, 8).
    These school holidays she was meant to have them 2 weeks (as her w/e fell with half school hols and we have 3 weeks hols). This is all good, she has done her duty for the past two weeks. I had asked DH to ask her if she'd have them for the third week too (organized this weeks ago) as I'm 33 weeks pregnant and have had lots of complications and Ob thought I would have delivered by now.
    She said she would have them through the day but no overnight (long story). That was good, i was happy with that.
    Now that I'm not in hospital yet, DH tells me, "oh we'll we can have the kids home now, coz your not in hospital"! I'm like "no, your a work all day, and then do OT almost 3-4 times a week, I'm not having the kids when "their mother" has already agreed to have them through the day. I never get a break from your kids and I need this break. She constantly gives them up to suit her, and you do nothing about it. I want next week to myself and DD without the added stress of your kids".
    He is now angry/upset with me for not wanting his kids home.
    Do I have a right to want an extra week to myself? I can have this baby anyday now, an i already raise his kids full time. He works long hours, and expects me to just play mum.... Tell me I have a right to want this extra week with just DD (who is 15). Pleeeeease!!!
    You have every right to be annoyed, your hubby should be bowing and kissing your feet for the job you do with his kids.
    You are raising his kids for him and that is a HUGE job !!
    He should be bending over backwards to give you a break from them.

    Those kids have a mum and dad and all the responsibilty is being placed upon your head and when things don't go his way he gives you a guilt trip about it.
    You have no reason to feel guilty about not wanting them there.
    They are his kids so his responsibility.

    Its completely unfair on him to expect you to do it all, I am mad at him just reading your post.

    If you weren't there then he would have to find other arrangements on the holidays such as school holiday care or a babysitter.
    You are his partner not his maid and babysitting service.

    If they get left with you can you just drive them to their Bio mums for the day once your DP is at work ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by withloveandlimits View Post
    I think you're being a bit rough. I can see exactly why he would be upset.
    Are you serious ????? She is being made to raise someone elses kids without ever getting a break, she is 33 weeks pregnant about to give birth, her partner is forcing the stepkids upon her at a time when she needs a break and you think she is being harsh
    He has no right to be upset, how easy does her partner and their mother get it.
    They have angenrod doing ALL the work for them already raising their children.

    Can I ask 'withloveandlimits' Are you a stepparent ?

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  15. #9
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    here is our group if you want to join agenrod

    http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...hp?groupid=202

    being a step parent has its own complexities and issues and it can be really helpful to talk with others who understand, and very hurtful and damaging to have others who don't understand judge you and put you down. If you want to be part of our private supportive group please join us there.

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  17. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ulysses View Post
    here is our group if you want to join agenrod

    http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/f...hp?groupid=202

    being a step parent has its own complexities and issues and it can be really helpful to talk with others who understand, and very hurtful and damaging to have others who don't understand judge you and put you down. If you want to be part of our private supportive group please join us there.
    Yes, jump on in, it's nice to be able to vent and discuss free from judgement of those who aren't in the same boat and don't always understand what it's like.


 

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