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  1. #1
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    Default Depression or just a bad mum?

    That is the question I have been asking myself the last few days.
    I have a dd (2yr 8mth) and I really just don't want to be around her lately, I hate being a mum.
    Even just writing that breaks my heart.
    But I would love to be left alone.
    I don't know what I am trying to say or ask really.
    But I have had this on off feeling of not wanting to be around her since she was born, even when they showed her to me I just looked at her and thought "oh" I didn't have that rush of love like I hear so many other mums have.
    One minute I want her to go away then the next I'm giving her hugs and kisses.
    And now we are thinking of having another child but is it wrong to have another child just to provide a sibling? Deep down I don't think I want another one but know I will regret it if I don't have one.
    Is this what motherhood is meant to be like?
    I know I should talk to someone but Im always told that my problems aren't really that bad.

    Sorry for my rambling post but these thoughts have been going around my mind for two weeks and I had to get them out!

  2. #2
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Do you get time away from her? If so how do you feel when it's time to reunite? I think your answer is there if you don't get time away maybe it's time to ensure your getting some time to recharge, is it possible for you to do this?

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    Being a mum isn't all sunshine and lollipops like we're led to believe. I clearly remember having thoughts like 'what have I done' when DD was born. I had PND and felt quite detached a lot of the time. I found a great PND counsellor and got through it, DD is 11mo now and I love her like crazy, love hanging out with her, but sometimes I do just want my space - and that's ok. I still exist as an individual, I'm not 'just' a mother, so it's ok to still want to be myself.

    Are you a stay at home mum or do you work? I found going to work 3 days a week really helped, it has made me appreciate my time with DD much more. It's different for everyone though.

    I wouldn't recommend trying for another baby until you've spoken to someone about these feelings, and it's ok to have just the one child. Your DD will benefit so much more from a happy mum than a sibling.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cue For This Useful Post:

    Blondi83  (14-07-2012),MamaC  (14-07-2012)

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    Cue has given you some great advice.
    As for your question about whether this is part of motherhood... I believe that it is an aspect of motherhood because so many mums feel this way. However I don't believe we should accept that this is 'just the way it is', we all have the capacity to be happy in this role we find ourselves in and we owe it to ourselves and our precious children to do everything within our power to feel well and happy.
    I battled with PND for 2.5 years and those feelings of needing to get away are just so familiar to me. It was a huge part of pnd for me. Please speak honestly and openly with your gp, express that you need help with how you are feeling. I think TTC another bub while you are feeling this way is probably not the most ideal circumstances, as Cue said your daughter would be more content with a well and happy mum rather than a sibling. Get yourself well and then think about a baby

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    Thank you so much for all your replies it has given me a lot to think about.
    I have a dr appointment tomorrow so I will have a good chat to her.
    I currently work three days a week, but my dh has been working away the last few months and I don't really have any friends to talk to or do things with. So that also doesn't help with how I am feeling.
    I have also explained to dh that at this stage I am not ready for another baby and he is happy to hold off for a few months and then we will go from there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by siesmum View Post
    Thank you so much for all your replies it has given me a lot to think about.
    I have a dr appointment tomorrow so I will have a good chat to her.
    I currently work three days a week, but my dh has been working away the last few months and I don't really have any friends to talk to or do things with. So that also doesn't help with how I am feeling.
    I have also explained to dh that at this stage I am not ready for another baby and he is happy to hold off for a few months and then we will go from there.
    I'm so glad you're going to talk to your doctor. Be honest and open, there is no shame in how you feel.

    It sounds like classic signs of isolation to me. Do you have a mothers group? Playgroup? It might be worthwhile looking into proactively building a support network - hopefully your GP can help get you with that.

    It's good that you're holding off on TTC, right now you need to make yourself the priority.

    Good luck and keep us posted

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    Default Depression or just a bad mum?

    Thought I would let you know how I went at the doctors.
    The first visit I chickened out saying anything and just spoke to her how AF has been all over the place since my mc and now I haven't had it for two months.
    I was so annoyed with myself for being to scared to say anything.
    So i went back last week and we spoke about af still not being back and she asked if I was always tired and I said I was constantly awake so she went through her checklist and I just opened up about everything. How I have no feeling toward dd and don't want to be near her anymore.

    So I am now on a very low dose ad plus dh is now home and I am slowly starting to feel like me again and the heaviness I was feeling is starting to go. And I am starting to leave the house again. I will see my dr in a month.

    As for af she has given me six months to get af back and get pregnant otherwise we will need to go to a specialist.


 

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