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  1. #1
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    Default My partner is freaking out about my pregnancy

    Hello lovely ladies!

    He was so excited that I was pregnant but now that I am visibly pregnant (26 weeks) its all becoming to real for him and he is freaking out.

    My partner does not enjoy touching my belly to feel the baby move, he does not talk to the baby, he thought seeing the baby move (like when your tummy moves) was gross!

    I know he does not find my body attractive anymore (though he has never said that but the lack of touching and interest in sex can only suggest he does not like my body right now..). Its very weird for me to be with him and him not show an ounce of interest in sex when he used to be all over me (once upon a time...).. makes me feel quite unattractive.

    and on top of all that, a few days ago he said I looked really weird, he does not recognise me anymore "its like you are wearing a fat suit, its so strange to see you with a round tummy and bigger boobs, I'm not used to it"

    I don't know what to do? He was "baby crazy" from the day I met him, he would tell me how jealous he was of anyone that had kids and couldn't wait to have a child of his own.. so I thought everything would be amazing the moment I was pregnant... it hasn't been.. the bigger my tummy gets the more it becomes a reality and it freaks him out.

    i don't know if anyone has any advice on how to make him feel more at ease with this pregnancy? or if anyone went through something similar with their partner?

    I know the minute he sees her he'll be delighted, but i still have 3 more months (and a lot more tummy growing) to do and don't want to feel so unattractive .. I want him to be happy (even if its only a little bit)...

  2. #2
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    A friend of mine had this issue once they found out they were having a girl. Sounds a bit strange but they got some pregnancy p.o.r.n and watched it together. She said it really help!
    Last edited by Happymum2; 12-07-2012 at 13:45.

  3. #3
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    I'm so sorry to hear his reaction has been like this, it must be hard on you. I can only guess that it is hard for guys to understand it all and he might be in shock and thereby reacting in this way. They just don't get it!! Lucky for the woman, we have all the happy hormones and physical changes we can FEEL.. so we can accept it a lot more and believe how real it is. They can only go by what they see, and hear from us. I dont really know, but that's my take on it.. and I agree once he sees that gorgeous little baby for the first time, none of this will matter

    Try not to let his negative comments upset you. Stay positive. Pregant mummas are hot mammas.. big boobs are awesome. Embrace your new look and too bad if he's missing out!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Happymum2 View Post
    Sounds a bit strange but they got some pregnancy p.o.r.n and watched it together. She said it really help!
    That sounds like a good idea ^^^

    Perhaps try talking to him about what his 'dream' of having kids was, and how it's comparing to reality.

    Quite often, the 'dream' does not take into account the fact you have to share your wifes body with another little 'person' for 9 months.

    He could feel like DTD is like doing it infront of another person. And that is the turn off. Just because he has said you look different, does not mean that's the reason for no sex.

    Also, encourage him to speak up, like he has (while it does not feel nice to find out he thinks you now live in a fat suit, if you don't react in an angry or hurt way, it will encourage him to talk about his feelings, without feeling like he will get 'in trouble').

    It really should be him supporting you, however it looks like he needs a helping hand for a little while. A trip to the GP might help with ideas?

  5. #5
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    ... This is gonna sound harsh, but he needs to grow up. The baby is coming, and telling you, its like you're in a fat suit, is freaking horrible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    ... This is gonna sound harsh, but he needs to grow up. The baby is coming, and telling you, its like you're in a fat suit, is freaking horrible.
    I agree! He is being a d!ck!

    Some people do freak out about being a dad (or Mum) and how their lives are going to change so I'd talk to him and tell him exactly how your feeling. Don't let him shrug it off because they way he is acting is immature and very inappropriate.

    I must be strange because I think pregnant ladies are fricken beautiful!!

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    Here in perth there is a beer and bubs class for expectant Dads. Not sure where you live but my DP went along and he said it was great being able to relate to other guys getting used to the pregnancy (while having a beer).

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    DH doesn't like to feel bub moving much either, it freaks him out abit. He did feel the head at my midwife appt the other day and he loves the ultrasounds tho, and also feeling a little foot slide along under his hand got him all clucky the other day, but before now he has been really funny about it too. I guess we have alot of time to get used to it, but I remember it feeling really weird to me at first too. Its really not nice that he said about you being in a fat suit, we have enough insecurities with our changing body without being told that. I agree with PP about talking about it with him, also the suggestion for pregnant p.o.r.n is a good one! Also the closer we get to our due dates, the more real it becomes and it IS a life changing experience so try to take heart that at least he seems to be taking it seriously rather than just brushing it off if you know what I mean?
    DH told me I don't make any effort with lingerie etc the other day so I put on a sexy pair of knickers and bra (that barely went around my body!!!) and I said but I feel silly he liked it though... Maybe trying something like this may help too, something you used to do before you were pregnant because lets admit it alot changes

    Good luck - and I bet you are beautiful pregnant

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    My partner was the same with both pregnancy he gets real funny about my body changing and the baby moving freaks him out heaps and i have to force him into it lol, you may find with sex it's because it's his uncomfortable about hurting the baby and the fact there is something there in the way, my partner was really concerned about hurting bub during it but would never admit this to me until after bub was born and all turned back to normal there, I'm sure once bub arrives he will change his tune... My partner is the worst pregnancy support role but when they arrived he cried and has loved them unconditionally, some men just need the baby to be a reality not a bump as they don't have the same feeling or instant love for that child, and not to mention changes we go through!

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    I second the suggestion that he go along to a Beer and Bubs night. DH also read the book 'Being Dad' and it has a section on this issue. There is also a 'Being Dad' DVD if your DP is not into books.

    It really needs to be addressed, I'm just worried about how he'll be when the baby is here. How will he cope at the birth, and how will he feel if you are breastfeeding (because basically the baby's still sharing your body at that stage!). His feelings are definitely valid, but something that needs to be worked on.


 

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