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  1. #1
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    Default TTC#2 - DP would like too but I'm the nervous one.

    Hey Everyone,


    DP approached me the other night, he would like another baby. He has many siblings and loves kids. He would have 6 if I agreed, but I just don't think I could cope with that many. I would be okay with 2.

    So I told him I would think about it, because he is all for trying now. He seemed a bit bummed that I wanted to work everything out, but thats just me. I have to work everything out. So after a few days of thinking I think that I agree with him and it would be nice to TTC #2 (I have had fertility issues for years, until our surprise DD last year).

    But, he wants to now and I have a personal goal I want to achieve first. My personal goal is my weight, I am very very overweight and I had so many problems with preg 1, not weight related but being very overweight added to that stress.

    I would like to lose about 40kgs before trying for #2. So I thought about saying this to him;

    "Bub, I've decided that I agree with you, it would be nice to have number two but I feel that I would manage better if I lost some weight. So would you be happy to say, let me have 6 months to lose what I can and then we can TTC?"

    How does that sound?

    If we TTC in 6 months, DD would be 16 months old when we start. I am nervous that it might take a long while but worried if we started TTC now for fear it may take a long time, that we will fall preg straight away and then I know my body would struggle.

    Also, for those who went from 1 to 2. I have some questions:

    1. Did you find much of a financial jump in expenses going from 1 to 2?
    2. How did you cope with having a toddler/child and then having the addition?
    3. Do you find if close together (around 2 years gap) that your children play together and get a long well?

    I know I couldn't push the time back too much, like I know that DP would be upset if I told him I wanted to wait a year before TTC but I thought 6 months was good. Good to work on weightloss, whether I reach my goal or not. And also to finish my study.

    Look forward to everyones wonderful advice
    Last edited by LifeInShadesOfGrey; 12-07-2012 at 12:32.

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    That sounds very sensible to me

    I recently had bub#2 and have nearly 22 months between them.

    1. so far bigger than i imagined because DS has reflux and meds are more expensive than i would have imagined, he needs more expensive formula than DD did and cloth nappies arent agreeing to him. so i have gone from expecting minimum cost to more per month than we would be able to afford if it wasnt for bb. obviously all up it is not much though. smaller age gaps of course mean a bit more expense with baby equipment if you arent ready/cant pass down car seat, cot and need a double pram. if you need to use cc, this obviously adds a lot more cost
    2. it is not as hard as i imagined as i imagined very very hard as dd was a hard baby and thankfully ds isnt. it is still hard work though. there are much more really hard days, far less sleep and leaving the house is very tough. i found my daughter got a lot harder from about 18 months onwards, so i think it is hard to imagine what it might be like when your first child is still a baby. i am also a student and return to study in a week. im quite stressed about how i will manage this. i hope later on this gap will pay off though!
    3. they are still too young for me to really know this. i am lucky in that my daughter has only shown love towards my son so far. my kids actually have the same age gap to the day as my sister and i and i know we spent all our childhood playing together. we fought a hell of a lot too though!!

    good luck! hopefully your husband is reasonable about your request, but i dont see why he shouldnt be

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey  (13-07-2012)

  4. #3
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    Thanks veyr much for your advice

    What you have with DS is similar to what we had with DD so I do get concerned that another bub might be like that because there was a fair bit of added expense there.

    I'm glad you don't think it's as hard as some people can make out. Makes me feel better

    I still haven't spoken to DP, I went to last night and he was deep asleep so I left it. I might today once he has wound down from work

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    My DS is 3 nearly 4 and I still am hesitant to go ahead have another one.
    My DS was/is a shocking sleeper and thats the part that scares me is getting another horrid sleeper

    Your DD is still very little and I think its only fair that you wait a bit longer, your health is very important too so I think its very sensible to sort out any health issues before TTC.
    Your DP might want another one right away but he isn't the one who has to go through pregnancy, labour and sleepless nights etc etc.

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey  (13-07-2012)

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    I don't have experience with 2 yet, but I totally agree with waiting until you are happier with your weight. It's you who has to carry the baby and you have to think of yourself first.

    I was ready for TTC #2 much earlier than DH was, but I coped. Your DD is still very young and though you did have trouble conceiving her, I don't see any issues in waiting for 6 months before starting again. You need to be in a place where you're happy if you fell straight away just in case that happens.

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  9. #6
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    Thanks very much everyone I agree particularly with waiting just incase it happened straight away. My health is probably the main hesitation I have. I know I could mentally cope and DD is a real good baby but physically I think I'll find it difficult at this very present stage.

    Thanks again

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    Spoke to him, got the answers I wanted and made my request and he he said he supports me. So we will start TTC around Jan. We are now on the same page.

    I said to him it's a little exciting and he even agreed and said it was. He's normally not one to share his feelings so that was nice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LifeInShadesOfGrey View Post
    Spoke to him, got the answers I wanted and made my request and he he said he supports me. So we will start TTC around Jan. We are now on the same page.

    I said to him it's a little exciting and he even agreed and said it was. He's normally not one to share his feelings so that was nice.
    Glad to hear that

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