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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling birth envy

    This is really just a vent on how I am feeling as I need to get it out.

    I had DS 8 months ago by emergency C/S under GA due to developing pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. I know it was the only option as my body was shutting down quickly and DS was also struggling a bit.

    A friend of mine gave birth the other day, vaginally, natural, basically exactly the way I had envisioned DS birth going.

    I know that things don't always turn out the way we want them too and everything happens for a reason and I am forever grateful that I have my gorgeous happy healthy little boy but I guess it just seems unfair to me in this instance as said friend has smoked the whole way through her pregnancy, is overweight & didn't really seem to look after herself yet I did everything to stay healthy and my body failed me. It just hurts and it sucks I missed out on those precious first few hours with my baby. Don't get me wrong I don't think that she shouldn't have had a great birth it just hurts and makes me feel really envious.

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    Hi op,

    Just wanted to offer some hugs. I also ended up with an emergency cs after planning a drug free vaginal birth. I experienced so many emotions which were so difficult to process. The good thing is I don't feel quite so upset by it now. Have you thought about some counseling/therapy to talk through things?
    I've not made a decision about number two yet, as I don't know if I'd cope with another c/s.

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    Op, I'm not going to offer any platitudes, just some hugs. Missing those first hours must have been awful and it is natural that you would mourn that.

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    My first was a c-section under a GA too, I totally understand how you are feeling. I'm sorry

    *I can haz typos*
    Last edited by Lillynix; 13-07-2012 at 09:53.

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    I'm very sorry that you missed that time with your little boy. You have every right to feel this way.

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    It is horrible, and nothing can make up for that. I didn't meet my son until he was 9 hours old after an emergency ceaser. My son is 18 months old and I still hate that I missed his first few hours. Speaking to a MW recently made me feel as though my feelings were valid and I had every right to be upset and angry. I'm sorry you didn't get the birth you had planned, I hope all the cuddles with your little one will help you come to terms with it in time.

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  12. #7
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    That must have been tough to be under GA for birth.
    If it helps somewhat or gives you any hope if you decide to have another.

    I had emergency c-section for 1st bub (not GA though), also had Pre-eclampsia. I also had significant haemorrhage after so our first 12 hours were very rough. It is traumatic to say the least.

    BUt on a brighter note I just had 2nd bub, was so worried I would get PE again, but luckily I didn't. I also had a fast natural delivery in under 4 hours from start to finish... text book really.

    But the honest truth? I don't feel one birth experience was better than the other for bonding or that love or urge you feel for your child, I BF both successfully.

    So I guess hang in there... I found the feelings were raw for the first 12 months but it does get better

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    Thanks ladies for your kind words and hugs. I guess I haven't really dealt with it and it's just one of those times where it makes me think about it and become emotional.

    It's nice to be able to hear from others who understand. I have great support around me but when I try and talk about it everyone's response is always, well the main thing is is that he's here and your here, and I get that I do but it still doesn't bring back that experience and the first few hours that I missed out on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Square777 View Post
    That must have been tough to be under GA for birth.
    If it helps somewhat or gives you any hope if you decide to have another.

    I had emergency c-section for 1st bub (not GA though), also had Pre-eclampsia. I also had significant haemorrhage after so our first 12 hours were very rough. It is traumatic to say the least.

    BUt on a brighter note I just had 2nd bub, was so worried I would get PE again, but luckily I didn't. I also had a fast natural delivery in under 4 hours from start to finish... text book really.

    But the honest truth? I don't feel one birth experience was better than the other for bonding or that love or urge you feel for your child, I BF both successfully.

    So I guess hang in there... I found the feelings were raw for the first 12 months but it does get better
    Thank you that does help...alot...as ultimately I want to try for a VBAC for my next pregnancy and it's good to hear positive experiences both with the successful VBAC and the also not getting PE again.

    I have also been lucky in that I have been able to BF and that has definitely helped as I think I would have been a mess if I couldn't do that too.

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    Sending big hugs your way, it's terrible how we feel after something that's supposed to be "the best experience of our life" .... So they say!
    I had a natural and it was the worst experience of my life my little one was straight into special care for the night so I never seen him till the next morning. Nearly 2 years on and I am still scarred from the birth but I found talking to my mum and best friend the only way to deal with it .... Mind you I have cried alot of tears in 2 years about it and why things happened the way they did.
    I am pregnant again so hopefully I will have a happy time so I can forget the worst time.
    Just keep taking about it and as long as you find the answers you need to heal your mind and heart it will get better

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