Guilty

[Bonkers]

So here I am in the depression section again. Iv been thro a lot the past 2 yrs. and it's completely changed me, I never use to be angry or a stress head or anxious. Now I am all of these. Just a series of events lead to this, and its taking a horrible toll. Not just on me, but my kids to... I'm scared I'm going to become so emotionally ditachted. I'm laying here thinking what we did today... We got up. They had Breaky, played, went for a nap, got up had lunch, played then we went to the shop we got home they played then dinner n bath. Today an a lot of other days I spent not nearly enough time with them. Now I feel like crying because they are growing up so fast and I'm missing it. And I don't no why... What iv been thro I thought had worked it self out. DP an I are happy, his got a job, I start uni, I just feel so guilty, I feel like the worst mother, that I don't deserve my babies, I love them so much and would die for them in a heartbeat, sorry about the rambling, all I wanna do now I'm left with my thoughts is punch my self in the face for being like this, I need to turn my self around but have no idea how to start. I want to be perfect for them.....

[missybubble]

You're preg though right? So the hormones wouldn't be helping. I don't really have any advice but I'm sure you're a wonderful mummy

[Bonkers]

Maybe.... I hope that's why I feel like this. Thanks

[patsmum]

I always feel like I don't spend enough time with my kids!! Its a horrible feeling.

One thing we do every night, we may miss 1 or 2 nights a year if we are out some where and they fall asleep in the car etc, Is best part of the day. We read a book, then take turns for everyone to say the best part of the day and the worst part. We have now introduced a calender so we write down an interesting thing each that happened during the day. It gives the kids a chance to tell us about what has happened- a time to talk and not be interrupted by anything.

We get to talk about all sorts of things and it is a great time of the day for us all. I hope it lasts until they are much older!! We might have to adjust it when they get older.

It doesn't sound like much but maybe that is a good place to start.

Other things to try

Eat dinner together. No TV. I don't worry if no one talks or if they do, it is just another time that is spent together with out distractions.

We have just started buying board games. One every couple of weekends. We then play it on the w/e as a family. Also games like twister etc.

Plan a movie day. Pop your own corn- time it when a good kids/family movie is on.

Just try one small thing and make it part of routine

And my favourite quote: ' My CHN once said to me, "You don't have to be the best mum in the world, just a good one!"'!!!

[~Marigold~]

Guilt is an awful emotion.. especially when it stems from our reflections on being a mother.
Your kids love you, truly.
It sounds like you are suffering from anxiety. I know, I've been there countless times! And I remember, (this was about 7 years ago now when had a very bad episode with my mental health) telling my counsellor, in tears, that I was missing out in my son's life because I was so clouded by depression and anxiety at one stage.
When the fog clears you will see more than just the preceived negative crap, you know? It's hard when you start focusing on negative stuff.
Being pregnant your emotions and hormones are playing a major role in your mood. Can you talk to someone, as in a counsellor? It's amazing how much of a difference they can make. I was so doubtful but after I saw one on a regular basis, he was crucial in getting my head back on track and healing me.
Good luck hun, you're not alone. Please don't beat yourself up, the way you're feeling is not your fault. Chin up

[Bonkers]

Thanks guys, il try all those things. I have a councelleing appt today do I'll tell her how I'm feeling, I havnt seen her in 6 weeks because she has been on holiday.