Help on custody question

**SpaghettiMonster** · 10-07-2012 20:17

Originally Posted by AvaJune

Thank you all SO much for the replies.

He doesn't want to "threaten" court yet, i think he's going to organise mediation, like in the next week or two.

It just seems unfair that she can take his son away and he has no say, just because she's the mother?? They have their issues as a couple, but he's always been a wonderful father.

No it's not fair and sadly he will need to do a lot of work to see his child even if he has not done anything wrong.

Hopefully his ex agrees to mediation though so it won't be an extra long process.

**Blue&Pink** · 10-07-2012 20:24

As everyone has said he will have to do mediation first.. its now a requirement before you can hit court (except in really extreme circumstances).
If she doesn't respond to mediation he will get a certificate 601 (i think thats its name) to enable him to proceed to court.
If she does respond to & attend mediation & they make a parenting plan get him to take them to a lawyer & made into consent orders so they are legally binding.

HTH

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**Izy** · 10-07-2012 20:30

Sounds a bit contradictory. She's not preventing him from seeing their son. Has no qualms in overnights...

Has he specified what he wants directly, or has he been a little too subtle maybe? It's hard to retain all the details of a conversation when you're doing it all on your own.

How would she react to some suggested calendars on paper to start with?

**Smartiecat** · 11-07-2012 09:05

Originally Posted by Izy

Sounds a bit contradictory. She's not preventing him from seeing their son. Has no qualms in overnights...

Has he specified what he wants directly, or has he been a little too subtle maybe? It's hard to retain all the details of a conversation when you're doing it all on your own.

How would she react to some suggested calendars on paper to start with?

Sound like he want something more structured and firm rather than when she says it is ok. Op mentioned that he has to ask her everytime.

**Izy** · 12-07-2012 05:55

It may not have come out right in my post, but to be honest I wouldn't offer my son up either. I would have to know that he is WANTED and that meant my ex having to ask to have him.

I also know that some people just don't get subtle EVER (ex hubby case and point lol).

Perhaps doing a calendar, and offering it in person with a 'I was wondering if you might consider this so that we can build more of a regular routine for our daughter. I based it on what U think suits me and our LO, so I know it might need some tweaking to better suit all three of us.'

**SpaghettiMonster** · 12-07-2012 06:48

Originally Posted by Izy

It may not have come out right in my post, but to be honest I wouldn't offer my son up either. I would have to know that he is WANTED and that meant my ex having to ask to have him.

I also know that some people just don't get subtle EVER (ex hubby case and point lol).

Perhaps doing a calendar, and offering it in person with a 'I was wondering if you might consider this so that we can build more of a regular routine for our daughter. I based it on what U think suits me and our LO, so I know it might need some tweaking to better suit all three of us.'

But wouldn't the fact that he is thinking about court mean that he does want to see his child?

And I'm not saying you are like this but what if a father asks to see his child and the mum says no because she wants to spend the day with the child even though she has the child 24/7. And then the father ends up not seeing the child for a month when he wants to.

It is better for all if there is some sort of parenting plan made up. Wether it be through the courts or a personal agreement but it shouldn't be left up to the mum (in some situations not all) to decide when she will let a father see his child. Especially if the mum and dad are not on good terms.