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  1. #51
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    I hope my daughter looks back and remembers a happy, stable life, with her mum doing the best she could with a limited income

    ETA: I don't turn down offers of help, I have not been offered help or landed an inheritance.
    Last edited by share a book; 09-07-2012 at 21:48.

  2. #52
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    hmmm..

    I have been given so much money..well over 1 million..
    does it mean I do not appreciate it, no I really do.
    DH works so damn hard and has used the money to help others.

    Its kind of pay it forward stuff I guess.

  3. #53
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    I don't think taking help makes you spoilt as the receiver it's how you view it. If you have a sense of entitlement, demanding money, then yes that's spoilt. But if you are offered money in the spirit of love and to help, why not?

    Dh and I have received little to no help. His mother is on the pension. My father is struggling himself. My mother does everything for my younger sibs (who are adults) yet I've received extremely little assistance. My grandmother is 'comfortable' and has bought all the grandkids, bar me, a car. Yep, it hurts, and not bc I'm a petulant self entitled brat. but bc just a little help would have made so much difference... and bc to me, it's not so much about the money but that's I'm clearly less loved and worthy

    It would depend the state of finances of a family member on whether I took the money. If they had plenty, and it wasn't an obscene amount, yes I would take it. If it would mean they struggled, then no I wouldn't.

  4. #54
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    I'm another one that thinks it all comes down to the person receiving the money and why.

    There are many people out there that need to learn HOW to use their money. Gifting them funds or clearing their debt just won't help then. But then there are genuine cases where the money is genuinely going to help them out of a bad situation, not necceserally(sp?) cause they couldn't get out themselves, but because they didn't HAVE to struggle so hard to get out.

  5. #55
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    I guess because we DID struggle for many years, and with both hard work and plain luck end up getting ahead, we dont have an issue with accepting assistance from family. Especially when its a cultural issue. (DHs culture is VERY much about supporting family and spoiling the kids/oldies as much as possible)
    I also took a year out of life (and 6 months full time) to care for MIL, so was able to agree with DH accepting inheritance (though it was more than I would have made in a years wages, and I most certainly didnt expect ANYTHING for supporting her through the last moments of her life. Infact I think it made us closer, and both better people, plus DD had quality time with her, which is priceless)
    Our children have trusts, but we are debating about when to reveal this, as we'd both prefer that they had teenage jobs and worked for their $5 an hour to save for a car etc, than know they had money coming, and just coast through life.
    So for me its a mix: I think hard work should be encouraged, but I also want to help out my family, if Im able to, and can accept help if offered

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    I just look at it that what would my kids value/appreciate more - memories/moments with mum and dad at home a majority of the time or mum/dad working away 12hrs a day or even on contract and coming home every couple of weeks for a weekend kinda thing?

    Will they say thank you for being there or will they say thankyou for working so hard to stand on your own two feet.
    I just want to say that not having been gifted money and having a loving family who spends time with you are not mutually exclusive.

    I don't really understand people who have been gifted money and accepted it. Not because I think it's wrong/spoilt or anything like that, but because it's so alien to what I grew up with.

    I know what it's like to grow up with nothing. My family was super poor financially, but honestly, I really don't think it impacted on the quality of my life. At the end of the day, I had a roof over my head (albeit a housing commission one), food in my belly, an education from a government funded school, and parents who love me.

    Im not against gifting money - I gift it regularly. I often pay for my parents and sisters to have things they couldn't otherwise afford.

    Because of the dynamic of my family, it would feel weird and wrong to accept money from my parents.

    What works for one person, may not work for another, and that's ok.

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  8. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shoopuf View Post
    I just want to say that not having been gifted money and having a loving family who spends time with you are not mutually exclusive.

    I don't really understand people who have been gifted money and accepted it. Not because I think it's wrong/spoilt or anything like that, but because it's so alien to what I grew up with.

    I know what it's like to grow up with nothing. My family was super poor financially, but honestly, I really don't think it impacted on the quality of my life. At the end of the day, I had a roof over my head (albeit a housing commission one), food in my belly, an education from a government funded school, and parents who love me.

    Im not against gifting money - I gift it regularly. I often pay for my parents and sisters to have things they couldn't otherwise afford.

    Because of the dynamic of my family, it would feel weird and wrong to accept money from my parents.

    What works for one person, may not work for another, and that's ok.
    I am not saying you have to be well off to have a happy life at all - im sorry if you took it that way.

    I am saying ppl make choices about how they spend their life.

    DH and I are fortunate that we have the support of my family so we are able to live off our modest wages - the alternative for US would be DH working away from the home for long hours. Right now he is chippy and probably won't earn over $60k pa, this provides a limited (but hopefully happy) lifestyle.

    We probably get an average of $10-$15k gifted to us each yr to help set up our house.

    If we didn't accept that money we could still live and get by and I don't think our kids would be unhappy at all. But if we wanted to have those extra things it would mean DH working away or at least very long hrs.

    Bub #1 is due in November and DH will finish work at 3.30ish to be home by 4pm to spend a few solids hours before bed with him. To me that is a luxury that we get by accepting help from family and it is something I am enternally grateful for.

    That is what I meant by my comment - there is an undercurrent that if you accept money you are a failure, not independent, not teaching your kids a good lesson or whatever else. For me, those couple of hrs a day for baby and dad are worth all the money in the world.

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  10. #58
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    I don't think being gifted money, or being helped out every now and then means people aren't standing on their own two feet.

    Whilst I do think its important that people work, learn and earn things for themsleves. I don't see anything wrong with parents or family etc helping out if that's what they want to do.

    I have worked since I was 14 (part-time) and full time from the age of 17 (I'm 31 now). I know the value of working hard. I love knowing that my hard work has let me travel all over the world, buy a nice car and buy a gorgeous house and lots of other things along the way.

    But I've also been helped out along the way by my family. And I will do the same for mine! That's just the way I was bought up. My parents and inlaws wanted to share what they have and help us. It is always there choice and I have no problem at all accepting it from them. Sometimes it was just a loan (running out of money while travelling the world for example) that was paid back. Sometimes it was money given to us ($2000 here and there or something nice bought for us - TV etc for a new house).

    I don't think they makes me or anyone else spoilt. I think that makes us lucky that we have family that are able to be so generous.

    We are lucky to have good paying jobs and I plan on helping out my step children and any other kids we might be blessed with just like my family helped us.
    Last edited by Lillystar; 10-07-2012 at 13:11.

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  12. #59
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    I guess the thing tha hurts is when people are given things then look down their nose at what someone else has when that person has not been given money or items. Like being given an $8000 tv then scoffing at our tv that was $300 (full price, not on special) and leaves heaps of space in the tv part of the tv unit. Well, that is really nice to be given such a big, clear tv, but you're not a better person than me for it. It's like a "mine is bigger than yours" discussion.

  13. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    I guess the thing tha hurts is when people are given things then look down their nose at what someone else has when that person has not been given money or items. Like being given an $8000 tv then scoffing at our tv that was $300 (full price, not on special) and leaves heaps of space in the tv part of the tv unit. Well, that is really nice to be given such a big, clear tv, but you're not a better person than me for it. It's like a "mine is bigger than yours" discussion.

    Yeh that is madness, even if the person with the big tv paid for it themselve who gives a toss.

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