+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst ... 34567 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 63
  1. #41
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,408
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,056
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Yes we should stand on our own two feet as adults, but that doesn't mean accepting help makes you weak or spoilt or whatever.

    I've always been 100% reliant on myself to see me through any sticky spots, my parents have money but have never gifted me any. DP is somewhat the same although her parents have given her quite a lot she's more than capable of managing herself (or, with me, rather).

    It's very strange belonging to a family where giving is the norm as opposed to my family who on the occasions have lent me money, have had a time frame they want it paid back in.

    DPs parents paid DP's college fees as HECS wasn't available for them, and have just told us there's no need to pay it back, which we are very grateful for. When SIL left her ex, she and nephew moved back with the ILs and they bought her an almost brand new $17k car and there's no sign of her moving out any time soon. They're also taking her and nephew on a trip to visit family overseas.

    That's just what they do... while DPs mat. grandparents are very well off, my ILs have made their money here, they have their own business and 7 properties in Sydney and Melbourne, including their own.

    I know they're there if we do ever fall on hard times, but we are doing fine on our own.

    They're not throwing money left, right and centre though - when DP lived at home, they charged her $200 rent and that became the money she lived off while studying.

    *shrugs* everyone is different. We've never asked to borrow money, but it's nice knowing we have that support if we *do* need it, which I truly hope we won't. They offered to help with paying for fertility clinic fees etc but we don't need to go through a FC anymore and even if we did, I wouldn't want them to pay for it anyway.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    My house
    Posts
    1,990
    Thanks
    276
    Thanked
    277
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Personally I think it comes down to responsibility.

    As an adult we are responsible for our own actions, decisions and consequences.

    I don't begrudge anyone giving or receiving a gift, helping hand or even a bailout. Sh!t happens. Jobs get lost. People get sick. Bills pile up and debt gets out of control.

    If people around you can help you out, great.

    What I really dislike is when people take that kindness for granted and expect others to pick up their slack.

    My ex-sil would rack up expensive phone and c/card bills, regularly. Buy (of be given) expensive furniture, move house, give it all away and then take the furniture from my inlaws. Quit her job just because she didn't like it anymore.

    This is the attitude I don't agree with.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,765
    Thanks
    1,903
    Thanked
    2,790
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    There is a huge difference between a gift or helping someone out when they need it on the one hand, and hindering someone from learning to support themselves on the other.

    I will help DD as much as I can financially, as long as she is doing something with her life. There is more to life than being stuck in a job you hate just to survive. I would much rather DD follow her dreams than spend her life earning money.

    Was it Warren Buffet who gave each of his kids $1million on the condition that they didn't spend it on themselves?

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,037
    Thanks
    1,498
    Thanked
    730
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    My partner is alot older so he was already set up financially when we met..so I am lucky to not have had to worry about buying a house.......We hope to be able to set our daughter up (house ..car) as things in the future will be so much harder...

    I recieved a car (mums old one) when I got my licence ..and yes I was very grateful for it..

    My parents paid my rent when I was just starting out..I was working but they wanted to help..then at 21 my mum died so I recieved money....I feel very lucky to have what I have ...

    I think it's a great thing if your parents help you out .....(prob not when you are in your 20s or older though..unless really needed)

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    512
    Thanks
    163
    Thanked
    67
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think that money if given and received in the right spirit can greatly improve the recipients life and shouldnt hinder their ability to stand on their own 2 feet at all. However in some cases (usually to do with attitude) it can go wrong.

    I, like many posters have no problem with people receiving help with house deposits/car deposits or one-off cash sums etc. and I will certainly help my children with those things if I am able.
    What I will not do though is continue to bail my child out of the same problem (i.e credit card debt) without requiring some serious 'behaviour changes'/financial learning as I think thats what prohibits some people from standing on their own 2-feet (i.e having bad financial/life habits enabled).

    Also to the posters who have had people unfriend them/accuse them of being spoilt simply for receiving some kind of gift/$$. That is totally unfair and I think it must be jealousy so pfft to them. (and although I would admit to a moment of jealousy if someone I knew got a large sum of $$ it would not change anything about our friendship unless they then changed and became judgemental of others for not being able to have what they have but I doubt many people do that).

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    3,431
    Thanks
    1,018
    Thanked
    2,081
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    If family or someone give you a gift of money, then it's not like you asked for it so nothing wrong with accepting it.

    Both my DP and I have never taken any money offered by our parents, put ourselves through Uni and saved up for a house deposit and cars our self. Most if not all of our friends have family who give them a lot. Most of them have no HECS because uni was paid for and they or their partners parents gave them a house deposit.

    Dont get me wrong, my DP and i are often green with envy because it seems so easy for some. For us, we are actually happy that we're in our 30s, both at great places in our career, dont really worry about money and have done it entirely off our own backs. I guess its kind of like building a house yourself, each brick at a time. It's a great feeling of accomplishment that you never took any financial help from anyone to do it.

    But hey, if someone wanted to drop 50k in our bank account and they didnt need it we prob wouldnt say no!
    Last edited by Clementine Grace; 09-07-2012 at 17:50.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Clementine Grace For This Useful Post:

    headoverfeet  (09-07-2012)

  8. #47
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Qld
    Posts
    26,930
    Thanks
    2,736
    Thanked
    6,743
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    We get helped out all the time. Not big wads of cash, but we live in FIL's investment property, for example, so we know we can rely on living here for as long as he owns this property and is living... and that our rent is never going to randomly sky-rocket.

    DP has access to his FIL's credit card (he has a card in his name, linked to his Dad's account!) so if we seriously needed the money, we could use it. DP often does for things like car repairs... then pays it back a few weeks later. So we definitely get a lot of help.

    Should we stand on our own two feet entirely? Maybe. I dunno. But I am glad that we do get assistance if we truly need it. Nobody will ever give us money so we can go on holidays or anything like that, but they do help us out so we can get out of a sticky situation of need be.

  9. #48
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    18,954
    Thanks
    3,142
    Thanked
    4,892
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    An interesting read everyone

  10. #49
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    4,382
    Thanks
    4,454
    Thanked
    1,339
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Helping family is important in our family. Especially financially. Houses are getting so expensive these days, it's ridiculous. Our pays don't seem to be increasing. It's going to get harder and harder for our kids & grandchildren to buy their own homes.
    My in laws put a nice chunk towards our mortgage, bought my SIL a brand new car and gave her a chunk towards her mortgage when she moved out. DH's grandmother is also leaving her house to DH and I.
    We'll always have help if we need it but we do stand on our own two feet. We live just like anyone else. We pay bills, strata, a mortgage, groceries, we bought a brand new car a few months ago and we still save money.
    If we were irresponsible with our money, our family wouldn't help us at all.

  11. #50
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,677
    Thanks
    2,066
    Thanked
    1,981
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I just look at it that what would my kids value/appreciate more - memories/moments with mum and dad at home a majority of the time or mum/dad working away 12hrs a day or even on contract and coming home every couple of weeks for a weekend kinda thing?

    Will they say thank you for being there or will they say thankyou for working so hard to stand on your own two feet.

    I am not saying this for anyone else in thread, just that in my circumstance if we wanted to fund the lifestyle we currently have with the help of family it would mean hubby having to work away in the mines or overseas as a chippy in Asia or perhaps driving trucks on night shift or that sort of thing. For us that is not something we think is in the best interest of OUR family, so we opt to accept the help offered by others.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Buttoneska For This Useful Post:

    Guest1234  (09-07-2012),LoveLivesHere  (09-07-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 162
    Last Post: 05-03-2012, 00:34
  2. Replies: 102
    Last Post: 20-02-2012, 21:43

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!