How would react to a txt like this?

**adden** · 05-07-2012 17:21

I'm so sorry!!
I found out my grandma died last year by a post on Facebook by my mums friend who tagged her in the post.
No one in my family called me.
I was so hurt as I was very close to her.
I really hope you get to say goodbye and I hope you can forgive your family in time and everyone can celebrate her life together. Thinking of you!

**Eko** · 05-07-2012 17:33

Originally Posted by babynomad

I think that now is the time to support him not upset him, he is about to loose his mother and people deal with it different ways. I would not add to his sorrow by ignoring this . Don't let this damage your relationship with your father , he is grieving .

^This.

If I were about to loose my dad, I probably wouldn't call either. I'd mass text at best. And then shut my damn phone off completely so that people didn't try to call. I'd be a huge, blubbering mess.
Can you imagine calling everyone that it will impact and having to repeatedly say "Mum's dying soon"? I couldn't

.

I understand that you feel aggrieved that he didn't call to give you the info, but try to look at it from his point of view. He's not thinking "Oh, my kids are going to loose their grandmother" he's thinking "I'm going to loose my mum".

For him, it's not about your needs and wants. It's about his mum. And that's a pretty normal way to react.

I'm sorry you're in such a horrible place, no one needs to loose their grandma. But for your dad's sake try not to hold him to task for the way he's imparted the info.

**NancyBlackett** · 05-07-2012 17:42

Originally Posted by Eko

^This.

If I were about to loose my dad, I probably wouldn't call either. I'd mass text at best. And then shut my damn phone off completely so that people didn't try to call. I'd be a huge, blubbering mess.
Can you imagine calling everyone that it will impact and having to repeatedly say "Mum's dying soon"? I couldn't

.

I understand that you feel aggrieved that he didn't call to give you the info, but try to look at it from his point of view. He's not thinking "Oh, my kids are going to loose their grandmother" he's thinking "I'm going to loose my mum".

For him, it's not about your needs and wants. It's about his mum. And that's a pretty normal way to react.

I'm sorry you're in such a horrible place, no one needs to loose their grandma. But for your dad's sake try not to hold him to task for the way he's imparted the info.

I'd be the same too. I couldn't face calling people - especially those I was closest to.

Hugs to all of you.

**brooke88(mum2b09)** · 09-07-2012 05:05

Just thought I'd update.

Nan still isn't 100% but other family have seen her and said she's been having full conversations with them and apart from a bit of vomiting and pain from her ribs she's fine.

But I got an email from my Dad yesterday and spoke to him on the phone and he said "her organs are shutting down dramatically and she's knocking on heavens door" and that the visits are very emotional for him now.

I've got an OB appointment this morning so I think I might just ring the hospital myself to see how she is.
It's not as simple as just getting in the car to see her when it's 4 hours away, I'm 20 weeks pregnant and would be taking 3 year old twins with me.

Thanks to everyone who replied.

**sunnyflower** · 09-07-2012 10:37

Sorry but I think you ate actually being quite self obsessed , your dad is about to lose his mum, he probably isn't thinking about correct protocol.

And honestly? If it was my nan I wouldn't give a rats if I was pregnant, had twins or anything else,I'd just get in my car and go....I think you should cut your dad some slack...

**brooke88(mum2b09)** · 09-07-2012 11:00

Originally Posted by sunnyflower

Sorry but I think you ate actually being quite self obsessed , your dad is about to lose his mum, he probably isn't thinking about correct protocol.

And honestly? If it was my nan I wouldn't give a rats if I was pregnant, had twins or anything else,I'd just get in my car and go....I think you should cut your dad some slack...

Well since speaking to the nurse she's not dying at all so I don't think I'm being self obsessed by being upset at receiving a bullsh!t text at all. He's still maintaining her organs are shutting down rapidly when that's not the case at all so not his not losing his Mum at all.

I saw her 2 weeks ago and I'm glad you would find it easy in my situation to drop everything and go but I don't.

**sunnyflower** · 09-07-2012 11:49

Originally Posted by brooke88(mum2b09)

Well since speaking to the nurse she's not dying at all so I don't think I'm being self obsessed by being upset at receiving a bullsh!t text at all. He's still maintaining her organs are shutting down rapidly when that's not the case at all so not his not losing his Mum at all.

I saw her 2 weeks ago and I'm glad you would find it easy in my situation to drop everything and go but I don't.

Well he thought she was didn't he. I'm sure he didn't just send you a text saying she was dying as a joke. And I would drop everything if a loved one was dying but that's just me. Excuses wouldn't be featuring on my horizon ....sorry!

**2girls1boyplus1** · 09-07-2012 11:51

Originally Posted by brooke88(mum2b09)

He's still maintaining her organs are shutting down rapidly when that's not the case at all so not his not losing his Mum at all.

Didn't they remove her feeding tube? If so, then technically she would be dying, wouldn't she?

DHs grandma was in care and when they removed her feeding tube she lasted for about another week or so before passing away, she was talking and everything for about 3 days before she got too weak to. She was 94 and had Alzheimer's and dementia :-(

**brooke88(mum2b09)** · 09-07-2012 12:12

They removed her tube because she's eating on her own. The nurse couldn't go into full detail with me but ensured me I had nothing to worry about and that she is NOT dying.
I also never said I'm not going down at all, just that it's not easy to drop everything at a moments notice for me to do so.
My whole family must be self absorbed too since they are all annoyed at being told upsetting false information.

**brownsugar** · 09-07-2012 13:36

Well... Just think why your dad is saying this stuff to u? Why is he blowing things out of proportion? Surely it's not just for attention.

Maybe you should be there for HIM and support him in what seems agonising for him to go through, whether or not your nan is dying... She's still in a very bad way and could die in a week/month or few months?!?

I can understand how hard it is with twins and being pregnant but do u have a partner who can go with you? Or a friend? On a weekend perhaps?
I'd like to think if I was in your dad's situation that my child would make every attempt to come over and support me.