I didnt think i'd ever be writing such a thing on a public forum such as this. I'd usually turn to a friend or ask my mum or sister.....but not this. Its too personal.
I miss the spark between DH and myself. I dont know how to get those feelings back. ATM, he's my friend, my best friend. We chat, laugh, have things in common and do all the things that "friends" do together.
I love him. I'm in love with him. I cant imagine myself without him.
BUT .....I feel im physically slipping away from him.
His mannerisms are starting to really get on my nerves and his bad habbits are standing out more than ever.
This might sound petty and rediculous but these silly things are the reason i turn away from him when he kisses me.
- He snores every night, the whole night and gets angry when i tell him i was woken 3 times because i thought the dog was on the bed growling at me.
- He doesnt brush his teeth enough - because he "cant be bothered", his breath gets vile.
- His flatulence is beyond discusting.
- he has 35 minute showers
- I dont appreciate him just laying there during sex - i just want to give up when he gives nothing in return IYNWIM.
- he will be mid sentence or have the kitchen tap running (leave it running) and will sprint off to the toilet - to do number 2 or run in WTF is he 4 yrs old?!?!
- His alarm goes off 3 times before he eventually gets up for work, then complains he is running late and cant help me out with the TWO chores i ask him to do for me in the mornings.
He has more good things about him than the bad, i realise this. I just dont know why the 'bad' thigs are getting to me so much.
I hate when he "jokingly' says to me....
"you dont love me anymore, you think im ugly"
"you only use me for my credit card and sperm"
"i cant ever do anything right by you, you're just too perfect"
He says these things all the time as a "joke" but deep down, i know exactly what he's talking about, just wish he wasnt so condecending about it. He obviously knows we are physically slipping appart, too. He wants to feel loved again
We have been together for 7 years and married for 3. I am 3 years younger than him. Last year we had our first baby and probably since having her, i have felt this way. Im also pregnant again.
I dont feel pretty or attractive, i cant be bothered making the effort to look nice- for him. I used to though!
I feel our dd has probably drained me of everything. She gets all my attention, love, dedication and when it comes to DH wanting sex or a cuddle or to "make out" or talk about his day or mine or dd, im just....exhausted and i dont really care.
We dont go out for dinners or have "us" nights out like our friends do simply because we cant really afford that stuff. DD is in bed every night by 7pm and sleeps thru till 8am. We have heaps of "us" time. It's just spent eating dinner infront of masterchef, cleaning up ironing his work clothes and passing out in bed by 9pm.
I want a connection back. I want to feel attracted to him again. I think i might be taking our relationship and DH for granted - "he'll always be there no matter how i treat him", kinda thing.
Gosh i miss the days when we were 'dating' - so exciting, full of lust and chemistry.
This might sound completely bonkers but ....On the rare occasion we have an argument or serious fight over something............why is the "make up sex" a few days later...... so darn good?!?!?!?! Why doesnt he "do that thing" every bloody time we do it?!?! arghh!
Anyways. There. I guess i just needed to blurt it all out to strangers because anyone who knows us, would not even think it was possible "WE" would ever have 'relationship issues'. If they did, all i would be given as support would be a shoulder (not that im against a lovely shoulder to cry on!) and "you'll get over it, you guys aways do" or "it's just a phase in the marriage" or "welcome to parenthood".
There are probably a million billion things im doing wrong and twice as many things i can do to help our situation, i just dont know where to start. How do i become attracted to him again? How can i be attractive to him again?
clearly in a rut.