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  1. #1
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    Default FOB issues...advice anyone??

    So basically FOB refuses to acknowledge mine and DP's relationship, and is still relentlessly trying to chase me, which is getting to be quite frustrating. FOB and I were on and off for 7 years (more off than on) and it was a toxic and abusive relationship, I ended it well over a year ago. DP and I have been together for nearly 8 months and have just moved in together, we are also discussing a long-term future together.

    FOB does not have his own place, lives with his parents an hour away (they refuse to be in DS's life because he was 'born out of wedlock' - but that's a whole other issue), so the easiest option in regards to visitation has been for him to either come to my house to spend time with DS, or take him out. With it being winter, taking DS out in the cold really isn't an option.

    So, now that DP has moved in, FOB refuses to have anything to do with him. DP usually works on the afternoons that FOB visits anyway, but when DP isn't working, FOB expects DP to leave his own house as he "doesn't want to have to put up with him and doesn't want to take DS out". Now, i agree with the not taking DS out, as there's not a lot of places to go around this area where they can spend time together and stay warm, but why should DP have to leave his own house?? Am I the only one who thinks that this is ridiculous?FOB has even cancelled plans to see his son before purely because my DP will be there, even when I've suggested that DP and I could just go out for dinner or something. FOB doesn't even seem to want to catch a glimpse of him, it seems he'd rather pretend he didnt even exist.

    DP is willing to be civil, despite MANY reasons for him to not want to, but FOB refuses to even sit down and have a chat to the both of us about the situation and find a solution that works for all of us. Oh, the ridiculous thing is that FOB is 32, 11 years DP's senior, you'd think he'd be the more mature one here??This afternoon FOB was over here to spend time with DS, and he casually starts talking about "when he moves in". I'm like, errrrr no you won't ever be moving in. He seems to be of the opinion that it's only a matter of time until DP and I break up, and "when" we do, I'll take him back with open arms. I don't think so buddy! He also constantly tries to kiss me or hug me, and tries using all these pathetic excuses to hang around the house after DS has gone to bed.

    I know that most of the reason why he won't get his own place is because he knows that once he does, game over. He wouldn't be able to use "spending time" with his son as an excuse to try to spend time with me. He knows that all ties will be cut, and that he will no longer have any control over me.I am getting tired of him coming into my house, criticizing my relationship and trying to cause problems in it, sulking because I don't wish to talk to him, trying to get in my pants, and then storming off because his advances fail.

    What are my options?? I don't want this toxic 'man' in my house anymore!
    Last edited by ~ElectricPink~; 03-07-2012 at 21:07.

  2. #2
    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
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    Get a lawyer and set up some sort of other visitation. I think your x maybe getting the wrong idea because you let him into your house to see his son. Your DS should see is bf but with restrictions considering the bf was abusive. One of the restrictions should be its not in the house.

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    The only problem is that I feel like sometimes it's really the only viable option He really has nowhere else to take him, and I'd rather that DS was somewhere warm and safe rather than who knows where. I used to leave the house when FOB was spending time with DS, until I discovered that he was snooping through my personal belongings. Now I don't trust him in my house alone. I wish he'd just man up and get his own house already, so we can have a NORMAL custody arrangement in place

  4. #4
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    Oh and he knows that he has no chance, but that's doesn't stop him from trying *puke*

    I've tried organising mediation before but he simply refused to show up. Maybe it's worth trying again?


 

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