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  1. #1
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    Default Discussing death with children

    A few nights ago, 5 year old DS started talking about how he misses his pop and old dog (both passed away about 2 years ago) and that he was sad that his fish had died too. For the first time, he started crying and asking all sorts of questions about death, like why did they have to die, why can't he see them anymore, what happens when you die, and asked if he was going to die too. It seems that the permanency of death has finally hit him, and he was so distressed. I was unprepared for this and didn't quite know what to say to comfort him or explain it to him, but tried to the best that I could. He's very close with his grandma's dog, who is unfortunately quite old and won't be around for too much longer. I know that his death will affect DS a lot, so I'd like to be more prepared for when that time comes.

    What do you say when your child starts asking questions about death?
    Last edited by ~ElectricPink~; 03-07-2012 at 12:50.

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    Aw poor little man. I guess it depends on your beliefs as to what you will tell him. As a christian i will show my daughter what the bible says that the dead are just sleeping peacefully free from pain and we will see our loved ones again when God removes wickedness, death and suffering and transforms the earth back into a paradise. That gives me comfort and hope and is what i truly believe. * hugs* such a difficult thing to explain to children x

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    Oh just realised u were asking about the dog too and what to say when the time comes. I personally would just tell him the truth. That doggie is now sleeping and lived a happy healthy and full life

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    Subscribing, my niece is 5 and had to be told today her nan (on other side of family) had passed away, she was quite for a while but is ok now we don't think it sunk in to her at the moment, she was told nanna was sick and is now in heaven but I just don't know how to explain any better I see her about 4 times a week and know she will bring it up again. It's a hard age because they are old enough to know someone's gone and to miss them but not old enough to understand why or why they couldn't say goodbye.
    Looking for tips as well it's a hard topic I just wish she was younger innocence is bliss

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    We thought the sleeping thing too but got scared that would freak her out from sleeping herself has anyone had a bad experience with telling kids that?

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    I'm not religious at all, but DS does scripture at school, so he has been learning about God and heaven, etc. So I just told him that they are now up in heaven and they are happy, and that one day we will see them again. Personally that's not what I believe, but it gave him a little bit of comfort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Koberose View Post
    We thought the sleeping thing too but got scared that would freak her out from sleeping herself has anyone had a bad experience with telling kids that?
    Well its not sleeping as such but like a deep sleep where you dont dream etc. I was raised being told that and it never scared me. I found it very comforting that they werent in pain or lonely and missing their loved ones. They were at peace, they were resting

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    Quote Originally Posted by Koberose View Post
    We thought the sleeping thing too but got scared that would freak her out from sleeping herself has anyone had a bad experience with telling kids that?
    Yeah that's why I didn't use the sleeping metaphor myself, a friend said that's how they explained it to her daughter and she started being frightened about going to sleep in case she died


    I told DS after pop died that he was very sick and that's why he died....but then last time he was sick with bronchitis he asked if he was going to die.

    It's a hard one to explain to young children isn't it?

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    Hi

    Plz plz don't use the sleeping analogy it can and has scarred children. I'm not saying it will but I know cases of Children being quite traumatized by it. Child psychologists also say it's a no no fwiw.

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    Quote Originally Posted by scotmum2be View Post
    Hi

    Plz plz don't use the sleeping analogy it can and has scarred children. I'm not saying it will but I know cases of Children being quite traumatized by it. Child psychologists also say it's a no no fwiw.
    Fair enough but if its what one believes to be the truth this is what they would teach their children but obviously great care needs to be taken with wording etc as children are limited in their capable understanding of such issues. After all what do we say when someone dies? RIP (rest in peace). Op i hope your little fella is feeling better

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