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  1. #1
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    Default I don't want visitors in the first 6 weeks after bub.

    I have been worrying about this for most of my pregnancy, I am due next month and I am not keen on having visitors during the first 6 weeks after my baby is born. Friends have made comments about their eagerness to see baby when they are born but I feel like it should be a quiet time for family bonding and I don't want to risk bubs getting sick during the early weeks, my SIL is quite pushy about coming to see the 'new' baby and they have put off an earlier trip so they can come when baby is a newborn. I am having a c-sect and I also feel like i need time to rest and heal without feeling like I have to act normal and entertain visitors. There will also be an 8 year gap between my older child and new baby and I feel like my older DD will need space to adjust and bond with the new arrival aswell without excess jealousy from visitors fussing over the new one when they have fussed over her for so long. I just don't want the pressure but I don't know how to put it across without offending some people or coming across like a weirdo, when I just want some space early on.

  2. #2
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    Maple, that sounds entirely reasonable to me! You may need extra recover time after your c section and lets face it, the first month or so can mean up and down feeding bub every 2 hours and visitors are often the last thing you need if they are going to add stress to the situation. Stay firm with your wishes, and after bub is born, everything might go great and you could be ready for visitors earlier. You just won't know til it happens. I sort of feel the same way as I have been bedridden for about 2 months due to severe SPD (pelvic pain soooo bad I can't walk) and I have said no to visitors for the last few months. People mean well, but seriously, i can't even walk and can't cope with visitors at the moment. I have been really firm and people understand. I am having a c section as well in about 4 weeks. All the best for your new arrival

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    I don't think Its strange at all that you would want privacy. We were a bit the same. It's such a special time, and you never get back those moments. I would make sure your family and friends knew before bubs is born, and then enforce it by having a note on your front door, and by staying in your pjs in bed! Oh and when you are in hospital you can tell the midwives that you don't want visitors.

    All the best for the birth

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    I have a similar problem to this althpugh, only with a couple of friends who want to come visit us at the hospital straight after bubs is born and are being really pushy sith the fact, but I still want family and our best mates to come visit.
    In the end it's your decision and if they have a problem with that well tough t!tt!es. You're the one going through MAJOR abdominal surgery. You're the one who has to recover from it. You shouldn't have to worry about entertaining visitors IMO.

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    I think it's totally fair to advise friends and family that your first few weeks at home will be with no visitors. My brother & SIL sent an email out to friends and family with pics of their baby and mentioned in it that they would be taking some time to settle in with baby and would let everyone know when they were ready for visitors.

    TBH, I personally wouldn't bar my immediate family (parents, siblings & their partners) from coming over for quick visits. At least those people will probably be likely to watch baby whole you rest/shower, etc. plus I'd be devo if I wasn't able to see my nieces til they were 6 weeks old. (Not sure if you meant not having immediates visit or just extended family & friends.)

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    Sarelou  (03-07-2012)

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    I was the same but honestly my c section was a breeze and after he was born I called all my good friends and family and I had a room full of people 2 hours after he was born! I actually loved the support and loved they loved him! Hospital is boring and the few days he slept most of the time The first week at home was tough and DH asked people to stay away but after a week it was great to get out and feel normal again - my advice is just tell them up front you will call them when you are ready but honestly 6 weeks is a long time!

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    My bub is a week old and I feel a bit like this too.. just had close family and friends over plus one pushy friend who just turns up and pushes visits lol grr..

    we only go out when we have to and other then that are in our pjs.. Our house is a mess right now we arnt getting much sleep and I dnt feel that in the only two weeks I have with dp home I should be trying to keep the place immaculate and entertaining guests!

    After hes back at work will be diferent. But this is the only chance we get to rest and adjust

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    Hmmm 6 weeks is a looooong time! Of course you are within your rights to say no visitors for 6 weeks but I would be a bit taken aback, certainly. Personally I would think 2 weeks more than enough bonding time and shouldn't offend anybody also.

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    FearlessLeader  (03-07-2012)

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    If it's really what you want, then you are just going to need to stand firm and re-iterate your point (probably on multiple occasions!). I like the idea of just sending an email/facebook message/text with a photo of your baby and saying you will let people know when you are feeling up for visitors.That being said, I would be pretty upset if I couldn't meet my neice/nephew for 6 weeks after they are born (if you are thinking of not seeing family too) - although I would respect the parent's wishes, I would be sad....so maybe take into consideration that people are just excited for you and really want to meet your new addition - doesn't mean you have to "give in", but might be worth acknowledging their disappointment too.ETA - also, you might change your mind about the specific length of time depending on the ease of recovery, how baby is sleeping, etc. Might be best to keep it vague and just ask that people wait until you let them know you are up for visitors. I would have gone crazy stuck at home with no visitors for 6 weeks!
    Last edited by sajimum; 03-07-2012 at 11:35.

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    Thank you for all the understanding and supportive replies, I am glad I am not alone in feeling like this.

    I also understand that people may be excited but I just want my feelings acknowledged too, It seems that a lot of the time people let their excitement get in the way of the mums and babys best interest, I had a difficult c-sect with my first which resulted in a 3 week hospital stay a lot of the time it was hard with visitors because I was so ill, then DD caught bronchilits a week after being out of hospital we had to go back in. I guess I am scared of a repeat of this scenario. I just want time to heal in a non stressful environment while we all adjust. I have friends who want to come and stay soon after, bil and sil who want to plan their trip around then, I would much prefer to be feeling better so I can also enjoy myself and give a few weeks for bubs immune system to build a little. I also have an un-immunized friend who I want to steer clear of until baby can have their needles. I just don't want to offend people and need to find a way to project my feelings in a way that won't.
    Last edited by maple; 03-07-2012 at 12:35. Reason: forgot to add some things.


 

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