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  1. #51
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by broomdyke View Post
    Well goodluck with whatever you choose to do
    Thank you

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Ta! It's almost a copy of the one I found before
    Yay :-)

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    No help here really.

    Not sure what I would do in your situation. A known donor sounds really good in theory if it all goes to plan especially with your child knowing everything from the start and knowing Uncle helped mummy and mummy have him/her.

    Just wanted to say goodluck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    7) Would be willing to help us with subsequent pregnancies
    That to me would be a huge selling point.

    I'm not sure what your future plans are for subsequent children and who will carry/supply egg, but if you were each to take a turn, but use the same sperm, your children would still have a genetic relationship with each other, which is a great bonus.

    Quote Originally Posted by ToughLove View Post
    How will the child/adolescent feel being told that the person they've known all their life as 'Uncle' is actually their real father, and wants nothing to do with being their Dad?

    Will it create a strained relationship between them? Will it create a issue of trust between you and the kid?

    That is the most pressing issue for me.
    Our family has kids who have been given to other family members, some people are raising younger cousins, others are raising their cousins kids, grandparents raising their grandkids... we've found being honest and matter of fact about genetic relationships and emotional bonds/relationships works, my niece who has been raised by her bio-mums cousin knows who her genetic siblings and parents are and always has, but she knows exactly who cleans up her grazes, wipes her tears and is her parent. She sees it as a bonus.

  5. #55
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    Had dinner tonight.

    He seems to be very much on the same page as us. Was delighted that DP could get on the birth certificate and was honest with how his family and friends reacted (supportive, but wondering if he would get too attached to the baby etc). He had a squiz at the draft contract and really liked it. I'm also going to write a questionnaire, one for all of us to fill out, and then will compare our answers once all done. That should help us see where we all stand.

    He's actually moving to Brisbane soon but will be flying down monthly to visit home anyway so said he will just time it around when we need him. I said we'd pay but he gets a family distance allowance through work anyway. He can stay with us when he comes if this is what we do. I like that he'll be in a different state, too.

    He also gets medical checks done every year for work and is going to call them tomorrow to book one in. They check for everything including HIV/AIDS and the testing is free for him through them. He'll request a results sheet, but they only get contacted if something is wrong so that's another positive.

    We are having coffee in the park next week with me, him, DP and the boy I nanny for so they can get to know one another a bit better but they briefly met at her work tonight and while they were both obviously nervous, they seem happy and he was still talking about it afterwards so I suppose he didn't totally hate her

    So yes...

    So far, so good. Feeling pretty positive about the whole thing so far - tonight went better than expected

    He said "I'm happy to do whatever you need me to do to make it happen for you". He also kept emphasising the fact that it was for me and DP and kind of separated himself from it in that respect, which I liked. It was very clear that it was me & DP, and him and he was okay with that.


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    Sounds beautiful RR! I have friends who used the same donor for their two children but each had a turn of carrying..

    It was beautiful to watch them grow, they are the best mummies, which you both will be too

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    That's what we hope to do

    He's a good looking boy, too!

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    It sounds like you are well on the way to your baby


    I was just wondering out of interest (mainly because we are doing IVF because my partner is infertile, and we may one day have to go down the donor sperm route) do you consider at all the donor's family and their relationship with the child?


    i.e. the child's biological grandparents or their cousins? Because they are related biologically, would you allow the child to get to know them when they are older? Just wondering what we would do if we ever used a known donor.

  10. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine Grace View Post
    It sounds like you are well on the way to your baby


    I was just wondering out of interest (mainly because we are doing IVF because my partner is infertile, and we may one day have to go down the donor sperm route) do you consider at all the donor's family and their relationship with the child?


    i.e. the child's biological grandparents or their cousins? Because they are related biologically, would you allow the child to get to know them when they are older? Just wondering what we would do if we ever used a known donor.
    In the contract we found, there's a bit that says

    RECIPIENT agrees that DONOR may disclose to his parents and family the existence of nature of his biological relationship to any child(ren) born to RECIPIENT under this AGREEMENT, with the full understanding that this parents and family will not be the legal relatives of the child(ren), as well understanding that the DONOR is not the father of the child(ren). DONOR expressly agrees that he will not assist or support his parents or family in any proceeding, whether legal or otherwise, to obtain rights of custody or visitation with regard to such child(ren). DONOR expressly agrees that he will make clear to his parents and family that they cannot demand or compel any guardianship, custody, or visitation rights with any child(ren) resulting from the artificial insemination procedure. Any contact between such child(ren) and the DONOR’s parents or family will be the sole discretion of the RECIPIENT.
    So basically - he is welcome to tell his family, and if they want to know the child we can organise a get together every few months and they can be invited to birthday parties, for example, but they are not 'legal' relatives (as he won't be one of the legal parents) and he will not support them trying to get custody of the children or similar.

    I would be very happy to do a big BBQ or picnic in the park every now and then with him and his family if they'd like that, but there'll be clear rules about who everyone is - no one will be called grandma, or anything - and if they can't agree to them, it'll be better if they don't see the child. Donor agreed to this when I asked him about it

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    I actually was considering known donor for the same reasons as you but after reading a detailed explanation im not so sure anymore. I would be too worried about the involvement of the donor as well as his family.

    Not really sure how to explain it, but if i were in your shoes or rather your DPs (especially with donor being your friend that she's never met) i would feel the baby is not ours(as in Me and DP), so it wont be just the 3 of us as a family but we will have not just donor but also his extended family giving it more of a blended family feel.

    out of curiosity you seem adamant that hebe involved in the baby's life why?


 

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