+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst ... 34567 LastLast
Results 41 to 50 of 61
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    973
    Thanks
    70
    Thanked
    301
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    In my head, it's a yes. I'm not sure how DP will feel, so ultimately I think it'll be her choice. Trying to get my pros and cons together:

    PROS OF KNOWN DONOR:

    1) Can do it at home with DP
    2) Will know and have access to current information about donor - medical history etc.
    3) Another male figure in baby's life (would be an uncle type figure)
    4) Giving my friend the opportunity to create life as well
    5) Free
    6) Can start whenever we like (not determined by clinic!)
    7) Would be willing to help us with subsequent pregnancies
    8) Bub wouldn't have to wait until 18 for donor identity to be released

    CONS

    1) Will have to make the boundaries re: donor/father relationship very clear - so will have to write contract etc.
    2) DP doesn't know him and I do - would this be an issue for her? Don't think so, we'll see.
    3) Will it be expected that I 'return the favour' in the future? (Not necessarily a con - I would love to pay it forward eventually anyway)
    4) Will have to do semen screening etc.ourselves - clinic does it already
    5) May take longer than conceiving in a clinic, but then again, can try every month as we won't have to pay for sperm..
    I was going to suggest using your known donor but going through a clinic. I see in another post that you're also considering this idea.

    Reading your pros and cons as being for "not clinic" conception, I'd like to comment that:
    Pro 2 - knowing and having access to current information about donor is also true for clinic conception, if donor agrees.
    Pro 3 - another male figure in baby's life is also true for clinic conception, if donor agrees.
    Pro 4 - is also true for clinic conception.
    Pro 7 - can also be true for clinic conception.
    Pro 8 - can also be true for clinic conception, if donor agrees. We went with an anonymous donor who stated that he consents to contact both directly or mediated via clinic prior to our children turning 18. That preparedness for contact was something we wanted our children to be able to access if they so wished.

    With regards to the cons 1 and 2,
    Our clinic had compulsory implications counselling. Some sessions with donor and recipients separately, and at least 1 session with donor and recipients together for known donations (obviously no together sessions for anonymous donor). Those sessions include ensuring you all agree on the same boundaries.

    The clinic also puts plenty of emphasis on, "the sperm belongs to the donor, but embryos belong to the intended parents." So if you retain a fear of donor backing out after your previous experience, then rather than skipping the health screen or quarantining sperm for 6 long months, you might be able to do IVF before quarantine is fully served (perhaps even using fresh sperm) and then freeze the embies for the remaining duration. Then even if donor does reclaim his sperm, you still have embies that are yours.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to felicita For This Useful Post:

    rainbow road  (02-07-2012)

  3. #42
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is online now look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,409
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,058
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    What a great post. Thank you felicita - gives me a lot more food for thought (because my head isn't already exploding!!!)

  4. #43
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    808
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    112
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would be very frightened to use a friend as a donor. Especially with all the changes in the government to do with us homosexuals at the moment. Also ppl can be unpredictable. Just because your friend is relaxed now about things now doesn't mean when baby is born he wants big say in all of your lives. I even had my donor telling me what schools kid had to go to, names he wanted etc thank god his desires showed before anything was finalized. He can even file for custody after bub was born even if you have a contract. And the way things are going if anything happens to u, he will get rights over the child as opposed to ur partner. Make him god father instead of biological it's to risky. Even if you go thru a clinic with him but agree to visitation or whatever the courts will look at all that!!!! And the extremist idea, you think you know someone but you have no idea what they are capable of. I've also read stories of women who use the known donor and the father plays a part in kids life and the mum is tired of them being involved by the time the kid is 2. The dad contributes no money, expects visitation as a fun uncle, makes a mess or doesnt agree on the same parenting style, expects to do all the dad stuff without really taking responsibility. How annoying would it be if on a special occasion for your child if their dad who you grow to hate has to hold the baby in all the pictures leaving you and your partner standing either side of him like he is some sort of idol on a pedal stool lmao. As awesome as it looks in your head that ur child could lead a normal life you won't be and it will constantly play up in your lifestyle like if your partner gets an awesome job in another place do u think daddy will let his kid move away, I don't think so. What happens if he gets a partner that you don't trust? What happens if his lifestyle changes and he starts partying and that? What happens if he is just one of them ppl that constantly loses interest and pops in and out of ur kids life when it suits him? Everything he does is going to effect you whether it be stress or he is too involved in your life or he has some annoying habits.

  5. #44
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    8,794
    Thanks
    3,395
    Thanked
    3,081
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Just thought I'd post this LINK to a sample contract which may be similar to what we'd be writing up.

    It seems to cover a lot of bases.

    NB: this is American. We won't be paying my friend for sperm if we do accept his offer. We'll pay for testing etc and other associated costs, but not the sperm itself!
    My fiends had a written agreement before going down the road of the first. He would be known as "uncle" but when she gave birth to the baby he wanted they felt no need for a contract. Now she is having a second for her but will not have more for him because her son is old enough now to know that when Mummy is pregnant he can have a brother or sister.

  6. #45
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is online now look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,409
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,058
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by broomdyke View Post
    I would be very frightened to use a friend as a donor. Especially with all the changes in the government to do with us homosexuals at the moment. Also ppl can be unpredictable. Just because your friend is relaxed now about things now doesn't mean when baby is born he wants big say in all of your lives. I even had my donor telling me what schools kid had to go to, names he wanted etc thank god his desires showed before anything was finalized. He can even file for custody after bub was born even if you have a contract. And the way things are going if anything happens to u, he will get rights over the child as opposed to ur partner. Make him god father instead of biological it's to risky. Even if you go thru a clinic with him but agree to visitation or whatever the courts will look at all that!!!! And the extremist idea, you think you know someone but you have no idea what they are capable of. I've also read stories of women who use the known donor and the father plays a part in kids life and the mum is tired of them being involved by the time the kid is 2. The dad contributes no money, expects visitation as a fun uncle, makes a mess or doesnt agree on the same parenting style, expects to do all the dad stuff without really taking responsibility. How annoying would it be if on a special occasion for your child if their dad who you grow to hate has to hold the baby in all the pictures leaving you and your partner standing either side of him like he is some sort of idol on a pedal stool lmao. As awesome as it looks in your head that ur child could lead a normal life you won't be and it will constantly play up in your lifestyle like if your partner gets an awesome job in another place do u think daddy will let his kid move away, I don't think so. What happens if he gets a partner that you don't trust? What happens if his lifestyle changes and he starts partying and that? What happens if he is just one of them ppl that constantly loses interest and pops in and out of ur kids life when it suits him? Everything he does is going to effect you whether it be stress or he is too involved in your life or he has some annoying habits.
    I think this is where my own judgment comes into play. There are always worst case scenarios, but I can't live my life assuming the worst of everyone or that everything that happens will be the worst case scenario.

    Firstly, he won't be 'daddy'. Our child will have two parents, myself and my partner.

    He won't be the uncle that is over every day, he'll be the uncle we have a BBQ with once a month. I want him involved, not on my door step, and being in the ADF, he can't be *there* all the time anyway.

    His lifestyle is none of my business, if he starts partying, so what? I like to party occasionally, too.

    If he alludes to wanting to have a say in schooling etc. then we'd rethink. These are things we're considering already.

    If he gets a new partner I don't like, so what? It's not as though he'll be having the child every second weekend. Visits would be decided by us, not him.

    Also, I'm sure if his intention is to be a parent, not a donor, it'd become apparent quite quickly. The fact that he offered *after* I'd explained why we were going through a clinic (i.e. we wanted the clear boundaries and no chance of a third parent) suggests to me that in the 4 months since that conversation, he's probably thought about that as well, and decided he's okay with it.

    Thanks for your post
    Last edited by rainbow road; 02-07-2012 at 13:55.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to rainbow road For This Useful Post:

    ~ElectricPink~  (02-07-2012)

  8. #46
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is online now look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,409
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,058
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    My fiends had a written agreement before going down the road of the first. He would be known as "uncle" but when she gave birth to the baby he wanted they felt no need for a contract. Now she is having a second for her but will not have more for him because her son is old enough now to know that when Mummy is pregnant he can have a brother or sister.
    I won't be putting reciprocity in the contract.

    It's something I'll happily consider though.

  9. #47
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is online now look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,409
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,058
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I have an 8 page word document here. Too much for one dinner? Maybe

    Guess I'll stick to the main questions. If we agree on the big things, chances are we can work out the smaller things a little further down the track.

  10. #48
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    2,110
    Thanks
    92
    Thanked
    773
    Reviews
    5
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Check your emails :-)

  11. #49
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    808
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked
    112
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Well goodluck with whatever you choose to do

  12. #50
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is online now look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,409
    Thanks
    1,187
    Thanked
    8,058
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by KnockKnockPenny View Post
    Check your emails :-)
    Ta! It's almost a copy of the one I found before


 

Similar Threads

  1. NSW Kindergarten: Starting a 4.5 year old? Thoughts/opinions
    By JJJRain-crew in forum Preschools and Schools
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 11-08-2012, 09:27
  2. thoughts/ opinions please...
    By Emi in forum General Chat
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 24-04-2012, 22:55
  3. are you doing anything differently? Opinions and thoughts...
    By marts in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 22-12-2011, 09:59

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Babybee Prams
Save $50 in our pre-Christmas sale! All Comet's now only $500. Our bassinet & stroller set includes free shipping AUS wide, $75 free accessories, 18-months warranty & a 9 month free return policy. Check out our new designer range today!
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
Heinz Baby Basics
Our BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our brilliant colours, inspired designs and innovative features. Heinz Baby Basics caters for your baby’s needs!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!