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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    If you are all on the same page I think it is incredibly cool to have a known donor. But it really does need to have boundaries - no matter how wide they might be.

    We have friends who have a child in complicated circumstances and it is challenging for them. Not quite the same but some similarities. Happy to expand.
    Please do. PM me if you like.

    I have a rubric contract that is in one of my Lesbian Conception books that I would have to get checked over by a legal professional. However I know if a child is conceived with sperm through any method other than penetration, legally the donor has no right to the child (although I'm sure it could be contested). Nonethless, yes.

    If he's expecting to be dad, and to be a primary carer, then it won't be happening. But I don't think he is.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by MZmama View Post
    I'd go with known...

    I'm friends with two people who were adopted. It is not the same as being a donor sperm, but the same in the sense that they don't know their bio parents etc.

    The first person I knew went on, got married and his wife fell pregnant.. Long story short, the baby was medically terminated at 26 weeks due to major deformities. The doctors questioned whether it was genetic etc, but they were never sure due to him being adopted, they questioned whether they'd have more kids and went through numerous tests!

    Second friend was similar, and has many questions etc. for these alone would steer me towards knowing the donor!

    Good luck with your choice
    I've never known my bio dad. Contacted him recently but he never responded. I have massive issues regarding this and is the main reason I've been so iffy about anon. donors (even identity release). I never want my kid to feel like I have felt before.

  3. #13
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    I have never had occasion to look into the legalities of donor sperm (either through a clinic or DIY), so my only concern would be that the sperm donor could exercise his rights in relation to the child in the future as a father.

    If you can ensure that doesn't happen, then the known donor idea is more appealing to me for the reasons on your pro list, especially being a known figure from an early age.

    As a side issue, when are scientists going to come up with a way to cut men out of this whole procreation business, so lesbians can just get on with it? (my partner understands he is a necessary evil for my procreation urges)

  4. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MsMummy For This Useful Post:

    Benji  (02-07-2012),Gandalf  (01-07-2012),MuminMind  (02-07-2012),rainbow road  (01-07-2012),~ElectricPink~  (01-07-2012)

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    My friend had a known donor (though I think they still did insemination at the clinic) and its worked very well. Her daughter who is nearly 8 sees her bio Dad at birthdays and Christmas and other important events. He's gay too so he was pleased to create a life but for him happy to not be too involved. He lives in Sydney and she is in Canberra so close but not too close. I think as the girl gets older she may visit him at times.


    The biggest issue for my friend is how to stop her daughter being spoiled as she gets so many presents!

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    rainbow road  (02-07-2012)

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I have never had occasion to look into the legalities of donor sperm (either through a clinic or DIY), so my only concern would be that the sperm donor could exercise his rights in relation to the child in the future as a father.

    If you can ensure that doesn't happen, then the known donor idea is more appealing to me for the reasons on your pro list, especially being a known figure from an early age.

    As a side issue, when are scientists going to come up with a way to cut men out of this whole procreation business, so lesbians can just get on with it? (my partner understands he is a necessary evil for my procreation urges)
    Unfortunately all the books are American and I don't know much about the legalities with Australian law etc but I know a LOT of people who have conceived with known donors and have drawn up contracts with their intended donor.

    I found this, but don't know what law it comes from.
    Sperm donors do not have automatic legal parenting status. In 2008 that right was given to the partners of lesbian mothers who conceived using a sperm donor.
    ETA: He is in the Army and so isn't in Sydney all the time.

  8. #16
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    It's a big decision but I think the known donor is a great idea as long as you all know where you stand in the situation, and it sounds like you do. Good luck

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    My property manager at work just helped his childhood friend who lives in Brisbane get pregnant , he flew up, had all the tests and she was inseminated in the clinic, she is now 18 weeks pregnant! As a gay man he is thrilled to have a child but they worked out all the legalities beforehand - he wants the child to know he is the father and he will be on the birth certificate but apart from that has no legal rights and is not contributing any money ( that was her request) but will see the baby when she comes down ( her parents live here) and he will go up for birthdays
    I think it's great she knows the father ( and all his family)
    She has requested to name the child and give it her last name but his last name will be one of the middle names
    I think as long as you talk out all the legal stuff and what rights ( if any) he wants to be involved in i say go for it!

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  12. #18
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    We won't have our donor on the birth cert. Parent 1 will be me, Parent 2 will be DP

    I think it's about fine tuning EVERYTHING, even the things you don't think will matter. Like birthdays and christmases, none of which I'd have even thought of.

    I hope dinner tomorrow shows that he has a similar idea of what it'd mean for us. I did explain our plans a few months ago when he and I had coffee and he says he's been thinking of it since then. So he does know what our intention was, but applying it to oneself is probably different.

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    Oh how exciting RR!

    Personally I like the idea of known donor.

    I hope all goes smoothly for you all xxx

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    Sounds really promising! Please keep us updated on how it all goes!

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