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  1. #1
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Default If money were no barrier, how you would conceive?

    Would your first preference be DIY at home with a known donor, or would you do IVF or IUI with a known donor or IVF/IUI with an unknown donor?

    DP and I had planned on doing it at home with known donor sperm but our donor backed out. So we started budgeting for IUDI at a clinic and were planning on TTC in Dec this year.

    Today one of my very close gay male friends offered to donate to us if we are interested. I am, I really am. I was *so* disappointed when known donor 1 backed out, because I loved the idea of doing it at home with DP rather than in a clinic and now I don't know... I do want that, and the $$$ is a massive bonus. But I do like the idea of having that sense of knowing the donor, also giving my friend the chance to have that although he wouldn't be 'dad' but maybe Uncle J...or something.

    But I also have grown to like the idea of anonymity and a clinic. But I also have to think about what would potentially be better for future child (bearing in mind I have a raft of abandonment issues c/o of my bio father). Also, the fact that we could start trying once everything including STIs etc have been checked out is tempting.

    So just wanted some thoughts...

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    honestly if money was no barrier i would go IVF with DP's eggs and an unknown donor

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    I think I would prefer the anonymity of an unknown Donor. I think there is less possibility of anyone feeling ownership over my kiddies that way. As much as someone could say they are ok with it, you don't know how they will feel after its all said and done. Being an IVF couple, DH and I had an embryo left after we had our kids, and I can't explain how much more attached I was to that embryo after having had kids and seeing what they create. Before, in hindsight, I just couldn't truly "understand" why people got so attached to them.. That's just my experience..

    All the best TTC!!

  4. #4
    Veritas's Avatar
    Veritas is offline Diversity has value.... How boring would the world be if everyone was just like you...
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    Absolutely if we had the financial capacity it would be DP's eggs, donor sperm and I would carry.

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    Same here. I already have a daughter from a previous relationship, who is 9 on Monday, and we have just starting having the baby talk again. Realising the cost, and having always had a plan of how we wanted it to happen, if money were no barrier, IVF with an unknown donor, DW's egg, and I would carry.
    We have also had the talk of, it may never happen too.
    With a new home, mortgage, and a wedding/honeymoon debt to repay, money is a BIG barrier at the moment.

  6. #6
    almai's Avatar
    almai is offline "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
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    We decided straight away that anon donor via iudi was the way for us.
    We would like anon donor at home (more realistic and romantic) but too expensive to 'waste' such expensive and precious sperm if we don't get timing right etc. DP will still be doing the magic squirt even in the clinic when we TTC in august so we are mostly getting what we want

    We see it that, we want a family, just the 2 of us, our love creating a little bean. We don't want someone accidentally saying "father" or having the possibility of the donor come and try to interfere with our children...

    But that's just us. I have a very large family, auntys, uncles, cousins some if whom are full blood, half blood, non blood related and no one seems to care. We are just family. So we want it to be strictly the 2 of us (as much as we can)

    although in saying that, our international donor is an open donor, and we are keeping the letter/info/photo we have from the clinic about him to give to our future children in case THEY want to know more.(I wouldn't be upset)

    Everyone has different expectations and thoughts, I respect that


 

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