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  1. #1
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    Default Should I continue to help this friend?

    I've known this woman for about 14 years now, and our relationship is more about me helping her then anything else. She doesn't have a family(long-story) and a myraid of health issues. I met her through a previous church I was attending. She is in her early 50's and has some health issues.
    I've helped her on an off over the years(sometimes having to stop because she has become abusive)

    But the last two years she hasn't been too bad.

    Earlier this year my FIL passed away and she had called me and DH to ask her fill out the DSP forms(she was applying for Disability support).
    So, while we were grieving(and busy trying to organise the funeral) we sacraficed a few hours to help her.
    She was fortunate to receive benefits and I was happy that she did.
    But she turned around and whinged to me because her rent had gone up as a result of receiving more monies.

    She has another lady helping her(I know this lady) and recently she was telling me that she was angry with this lady. Long story short but this other lady(who I also know) does a lot more for her then me. She buys her things(provides for her financially, takes her to appts, takes her shopping, etc).
    She doesn't drive(has had a knee replacement and relies on this other lady a great deal.
    She went on to call her a "F*&)#*#*S B*)(($) and wished that she would get sick! I was a bit taken back and told her she shouldn't speak like this!!

    We were concerned for the welfare of the other friend so I phoned her to let her know what she had said.
    Friend said to me that they had resolved the problem. She then went on to tell me that this lady(the one we help)says some really nasty, horrible things about me.
    While it doesn't surprise me, I was a bit shocked considering the sacrafices DH and I have made to help her(esp. helping her with DSP forms).

    This woman phones me nearly every 2nd day and I have NOT answered her calls after learning this.
    I do have compassion for her but I am wondering if I should continue my support knowing that she says these things behind my back!!

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    She isn't a friend and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

  3. #3
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    I think I would find it very hard to help someone that treated me this way. I think I would stop helping but let her know why. She would most likely say terrible things behind your back but it sounds like she is doing that anyway!

    I think you've done enough for her already and if there are others helping her, maybe you stopping might make her realise she should be nicer to others that help her too?

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    scarymarygoldfish  (29-06-2012)

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    I wouldn't waste my time with such a nasty person.

  6. #5
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    thanks..I am reading a book about Boundaries and it is helping somewhat.

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    She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Friendship is a two way street!

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    I think you should confront this woman about the nasty things she's been saying.
    Give her a chance to redeem herself if possible.
    I wouldn't withdraw help.... She has no one and maybe is bitter and twisted coz of issues in her life... Just be there... It is the right thing to do...
    She hasn't harmed you.... You will get back your kindness to her tenfold sometime

  9. #8
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    So have i got this right, she is accepting help from both of you but bishing to each of you about the other? Not cool.

    My aunt has a phrase, "Sorry but I am not available for that sort of treatment"

    Is it possible for all three of you to discuss it together? I would definitely not continue helping willy-nilly when someone was accepting it in such a negative way.

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    I would probably tell her that I know she's been speaking badly of me behind my back and ask that she goes and bothers someone else. But, you seem more compassionate than me and I guess if you do want to continue helping her then perhaps it might be an idea for you to sit down with her and the other lady to clear the air and start over?

    Your friendship does seem very one sided to me and it's very nice that you have been so kind to her but she sounds very draining and ungrateful so maybe it might be worth asking yourself if you really need that drama in your life.

    You have your own stuff to deal with and she's a grown woman who knows how to get help if she needs it. You only live once, surround yourself with people who appreciate you and make you feel good....and who don't constantly take, take, take from you

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    What do you get out of the friendship?

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    delirium  (29-06-2012)


 

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