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  1. #11
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    Your hubby is being a di@k, I can't believe he won't support you with this.

    You are being more than reasonable. Having a new bubba is a stressful time. Your days and nights are topsey turvey, bf'ing can be difficult to establish.

    I was also stressed about having 'guests.' I didn't know how I was going to cope with a new bubba and I wanted privacy and freedom to deal with it. To sleep in until lunchtime if I needed to. To not cook. To let the housework slide. To have my boobs flopping around uncovered. My fears were made worse by what my parents did to my sister with her first bub. Without invitation 1 week
    Before her due date they drove 8 hours to her house with suitcases and stayed for 2 weeks! My sister was so stressed and pi$$ed off. My parents are lazy and annoying and she just wanted to labor in privacy.
    --- so, from when I was about 3 months pregnant I told everyone: no overnight guests 4 weeks before and 4 weeks after bub. The exception being my parents could stay at my house while I was in hospital but had to be gone when I was out. My dad kept dropping hints, I stood firm. Then he tried the old "I've got an appointment in town" which just happened to be a few days before my due date. I said "well you have a problem then, because we're not having guests 4 weeks before and 4 weeks after bubs due date." My father chucked a mini tanty but i stood firm. They booked a hotel.

    I am so glad I did that.

    My advice: tell your hubby off for not supporting you then give his parents a call and explain no overnight house guests. If you're afraid of offending them try this: "it's not you it's me. I have a feeling things are going to be noisy, chaotic and uncertain within the first few weeks. I'm afraid it won't be a very good situation for any house guests."

    Failing that tell them to get effed

  2. #12
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    I'm SO sorry that your husband isn't supporting you with this.

    His parents his responsibility (Dr Phil).

    Your husband should remember "Happy Mum/Wife =Happy home!"

    ***Sent from my phone***

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  4. #13
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    So your in laws themselves have decided that they will come and stay? I think it's extremely rude of people to think that they can just invite themselves to stay at your place,especially after you've just had a new bub,with no obvious thoughts of how you may feel about it. It's really not their decision to make!
    Your DH needs to step up and support you with this..it's not easy having a new bub in the house,the last thing you need is "guests" to worry about!
    Good luck,I hope you can sort this out!

  5. #14
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    I'm so annoyed for you!! Why is it all about what other people have a 'right' to do or what's convenient for them? Grr!

    My in-laws didn't stay with us but DH kept wanting me to have MIL around for the day to 'help'. She's lovely and can be helpful but she flaps around and wants to tell you all about every drama in the family. I was struggling with BF and was either feeding or pumping around the clock. I wasn't comfortable doing that in front of her! I just wanted my mum but DH didn't think I was being fair. In the end he finally understood where I was coming from thank goodness!

    Your DH needs to be told that it's not about what everyone else wants. You shouldn't need to worry about anything, all you need to be doing is eating, sleeping, feeding bub and enjoying newborn cuddles in peace!

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Your hubby is being a di@k, I can't believe he won't support you with this.
    I don't think he is being a di@k.. OP said it is there 1st? So maybe he just really doesn't understand what it means to have a new born and especially for the new Mumma.. Men can be daft at the best of times and especially when they have no 1st hand knowledge of it..

    I think you need to have a serious chat or write him a letter with how ur feeling and how it's effecting you.. Maybe even show him this thread so he can see that it's not just something that you are feeling an putting on ur inlaws.. He needs to see that your feelings are validated and justified and that it happens to all mothers and that what you need at this time is what he needs to look out for.. Tell him to just google inlaws coming to stay after birth and let him see te incredible amount of posts from all over the world that pop up..

    Good luck I hope this issue is resolved, that hubby steps up and that you have an amazing birth Xx

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by HunterzMummy View Post
    I don't think he is being a di@k.. OP said it is there 1st? So maybe he just really doesn't understand what it means to have a new born and especially for the new Mumma.. Men can be daft at the best of times and especially when they have no 1st hand knowledge of it..
    Xx
    - Not anticipating how much work a bub would be = naive
    - Not taking his pregnant wife's word that houseguest would be stressful = a di@k
    - Telling his pregnant wife I she doesn't go with his opinion then she will have to break the news to his parents = immature + di@k

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    - Not anticipating how much work a bub would be = naive
    - Not taking his pregnant wife's word that houseguest would be stressful = a di@k
    - Telling his pregnant wife I she doesn't go with his opinion then she will have to break the news to his parents = immature + di@k
    Wow harsh much? This is her husband!! He is not out to get her.

    Would you call a New mother naive when they come crying saying they could not of Possibly been prepared or known how hard a new born was? No because no one can imagine until you have walked it.. He may think having them there could actually help her out?

    Him saying for her to deal with the inlaws most prob would of been a knee jerk reaction to potential conflict and disharmony etc not the nicest thing but we are all guilty of that kind of reaction.

    There is no need for name calling.. All I was saying was that maybe he doesn't fully get.. I know 1st baby my
    Hubby didn't get it and I was baffled By his ignorance and ideas that he had once the Baby came home.. But 2nd child was totally different.. Because he go it..

  10. #18
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    I think hotel is a better option.

    Maybe if he isn't going to be mature about this you go ahead and call them, be polite and firm and say you appreciate their excitement and they are welcome to visit, and stay elsewhere (offer to forward them some suggestions for accommodation?) or they can stay maybe after a month or so. Whatever you are comfortable with.

    Maybe say you aren't comfortable with house guests when you'll be learning how to breast feed etc

    I've been fortunate we told interstate family 3 months.... Katelyn is 3 months now and they all called to come next month! so ummm we have different family members staying a few days each every week of July - my sil & her family leave on the 12th & my brother and his girlfriend arrive on the 13th, and then B.IL is coming up the week after my brother leaves. Whoops! But at least they listened!!!

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using BubHub

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    Thanks so much everyone. I feel a bit better knowing that others have felt stressed about this situation. I am going to have to bring this up with my hubby again soon before the idea gets out of hand.

    My family lives in the same town as us, so my hubby feels that's unfair and he thinks I'm being selfish or excluding his family when we see mine regularly and will probably lean on them for help. He has no clue that my own mum has a totally different role in my life to his mum.

  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by HunterzMummy View Post
    Wow harsh much? This is her husband!! He is not out to get her.

    Would you call a New mother naive when they come crying saying they could not of Possibly been prepared or known how hard a new born was? No because no one can imagine until you have walked it.. He may think having them there could actually help her out?

    Him saying for her to deal with the inlaws most prob would of been a knee jerk reaction to potential conflict and disharmony etc not the nicest thing but we are all guilty of that kind of reaction.

    There is no need for name calling.. All I was saying was that maybe he doesn't fully get.. I know 1st baby my
    Hubby didn't get it and I was baffled By his ignorance and ideas that he had once the Baby came home.. But 2nd child was totally different.. Because he go it..
    Look this is my opinion deal with it and go nitpick on someone else.


 

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