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  1. #1
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    Default Not feeling attached/love for baby pnd

    How common is it to not feel love joy attachment to baby ?
    It can be stress or pnd , hormones
    Ive heard fish oil and b vitamins and support reassurance help to sleep and have breaks and with housework less stress can all help
    some people adore children but just don't have feelings for young babies who don't seem to interact as much .
    The mother is receiving appropriate support counselling and care .
    But how common is all this and what triggered it or helped recovery for others pls .

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    I didn't "instantly fall in love" with ds as everyone told me I would.
    It took a little while. I mean, I liked him, he's pretty awesome. But it took me time to really just feel like he was something I couldn't live without.
    Probably about 3 months or so? I don't think it was pnd for me, just baby blues and exhaustion because I was his only carer. DH helped a little but he was working shifts and needed his rest because of the hours he worked.

    It can take time. Sometimes it's pnd, sometimes less serious (like me).

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    I too didnt instantly have that rush of love they talk about once she was placed on my chest.
    For me it took a couple of weeks and actually it wasnt until I allowed myself to admit that breastfeeding just wasnt working. To me having that bond with her was far more important than how she was fed.
    After we decided to switch to formula it was like a huge weight came off, and I looked at her and went Yep this is how its should feel.
    Hope that helps

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    I think she felt love but then there were so many stresses that depression kicked in .

    The baby is 6 weeks old.

    The mother has enjoyed caring for other babies
    possibly older more interactive babies and is very distressed by her state of lack of feelings for her baby


    She has proper care now but didnt have enough support relief till now with many challenges .
    I reassure her that it's not uncommon
    that it's ttreatable to be patient with herself
    that shes not her usual self
    that she's cared and loved many babies
    to reassess in 3 months and I'll help daily nightly as long as it takes

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    You sound like such an amazing friend! My SIL took about 3 months to bond with her bub. He's now nearly two and she's been the best mum ever and really enjoyed him since

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    YES I know others who had stages like this and learnt to accept it with each child and who were the absolute best mums, but sometimes if they didnt get support when they really needed it alot of negativity can occur.

    today with breaks, and also meals she had energy and was very involved with the baby and these are simple things that if one has a bit of help and isnt totally overloaded then they can eat and feel so energised or forget to eat and feel terrible and its so simple-FOOD.

    professionals were pushing her to do eveyrthing herself and then she was so overloaded that she didnt want to do anything. when she had breaks then she did so much for the babys care. so not overloading her, helping her, then she does much much more and making sure she eats.Shes been very overloaded in the last 6 weeks so no wonder she became so negative about the whole experience.

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    I didn't bond with my son for the first few months. He was 6 months old when I was sitting there and I though "OH so this is what love for your child feels like!" from then on that love has only intensified and now he is my everything xo

    ***Sent from my phone***

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Happy2be3 For This Useful Post:

    Eko  (30-06-2012),Tatiana28  (29-06-2012)

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    It really depends on the other things.. Apart from not connecting with her baby, how else does she feel?

    Is mum finding it hard to get out of bed in the mornings?

    Is mum constantly sad/angry/down?

    Can mum bring herself to eat?

    Are simple tasks like making a sandwich hard for her? Meaning, is it a huge effort?

    Does mum feel like a bad mother?

    Does she constantly feel guilty?

    I didn't connect/bond with DS until he was 7 or 8 months old. Sad but true. When he was born I felt like he was a stranger. I'd hold him but I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of love. I was diagnosed with PND when he was 3 months old, started seeing a psychologist, started to take AD's and I started to feel this overwhelming love when he was 7-8 months old. I just want to eat him all up now. I could hug, kiss and bite his little cheeks all day long!
    Many women don't connect/bond/love their baby right away. Nobody will ever tell anybody this because there's such a stigma attached to it.
    I didn't connect with DS but I knew I was suffering from PND. I just wasn't myself and was always miserable.

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    Also, progesterone... Low progesterone levels are a huge part of PND. Not many doctors will tell you this though. Some GP's will dismiss it but low progesterone causes PND, AND, severe morning sickness, moodiness, low libido, weight gain, headaches etc etc etc.
    I was put on progesterone treatment as well. And Oxytocin. Oxytocin was the best!

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    thank you your experiences are exactly what i was looking for.

    but how did you care for your baby meanwhile

    she is so destraught baffled distressed that she doesnt feel anything and at this point with how she feels she would divorce and give away her baby.

    thats where i'm prepared to be around her, remind her of various things,
    eg dont make decisions now while you are not yourself
    you went thru alot in last 6 weeks and need recovery
    lots of people get pnd or feel like this just wait 3 months

    i'm prepared to do 1/4 or more of the care whatever she needs currently to be able to have peace to think rest, not be overloaded eat go to the toilet care for the baby without it being overload.

    and if you google the words' i hate my baby' there are many people who have written about their exact same experience. for some its pnd for others they just dont relate to babies but may be the most responsible loving parents later.

    what that means for me for the next days, weeks months i'm unsure but i will not leave her to suffer alone as she is suffering so much.

    i now understand why so many marriages break up with young babies. the pressure of the crying, and sleeplessnes and maybe pnd could in theory really effect everyone so much.


    yes she probably has pnd
    and she has alot of support now

    i have a dr who balances hormone levels but she is more alternative not a conventional dr. do conventional drs do that. i should ask them. thats very important thank you so much.


 

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