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  1. #21
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    I don't think you're being unreasonable. I do think your DH should let DSD go (I've no idea why the others can't go but there would have to be a reason - perhaps it's only a certain amount of people allowed at a time or something??) but I think he should tell her mother that she can drop her off later, you guys won't be home.

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    Atropos  (28-06-2012)

  3. #22
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    I can hear the frustration in your voice OP. I've been a step parent too and though you try to be a reasonable person in a sometimes unreasonable situation - it does get you down that you are not in control of your own life.

    I would be asking her to have the child overnight and then asking for another night with the step kids to make up for it.

    Of course that might not be possible but its harder for her to argue that when she is really the one asking for a change.

    I think it's hard for those who are not step parents to understand the frustration - not being critical of previous posters but noone dreams of having a family that is often impacted by someone from outside IYKWIM? And you do try to focus on the kids and put them first all the time but it's OKAY to be frustrated about that.

    Take care xx

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    Atropos  (28-06-2012)

  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by smileygirl View Post
    i know it is hard...but, i really think you should be looking at this from the kids point of view.

    Personally, I think you are making it more difficult than needed...all you need to do is say to bio mum "sure, but, for us to still do our planned outing...you will need to collect DSD at x time and have her over night". Simple...best for everyone.

    If you take away the "competition" of thinking it is DH v Bio mum on # nights and look at making it as nice as possible for everyone involved...then there is a simple answer.

    Imagine if DH had something amazing to do that he could just take DSS to...are you telling me he wouldn't want to excitedly tell him all about it? That he would expect BM to allow him to go as it was a once off and special thing?
    I am happy DSD is going, she will enjoy it. DH has agreed to her going even though it's cost us our plans. BM wont be having her overnight, that is DH's choice and I respect his reasons. I haven't actually made it difficult or done anything at all. I have cancelled my plans and come on BH to vent, that's all.

    As for your scenario, DH would never presume to make plans for the kids on BMs access days. If something like this came up he would check with her before telling either kid. It's a common courtesy and it's why we get frustrated that she does not extend the same to us. Previously, she agreed to the kids being part of someone's wedding party. Something she knew about well in advance. The kids mentioned it but didn't know when. We assumed it was in her time, but no. She told us under a week before. The kids had been taken to fittings, had outfits bought by the bride etc, we couldn't say no without putting others at a massive inconvenience and disappointing the kids. So we had to CANCEL and accommodation booking and beg for our deposit back, and miss out on a weekend away. There are other examples but this is just to demonstrate that this is not the first time, hence my feelings of frustration.

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    I do agree Atropos, it's good to be flexible but not good to get a child excited about something without discussing it first with the other parent and whether it's an inconvenience to them.

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    I do agree Atropos, it's good to be flexible but not good to get a child excited about something without discussing it first with the other parent and whether it's an inconvenience to them.
    Thank you, that's the main prob.

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    Update- an extra ticket has been "found" for DSS. Now have to struggle to explain to DD why she is the only one who can't go. This step family stuff is really hard

  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    Update- an extra ticket has been "found" for DSS. Now have to struggle to explain to DD why she is the only one who can't go. This step family stuff is really hard
    Grr thats a crappy situation, maybe you and your DD can still go out to the movies and maybe dinner too.
    A nice mum and daughter night before bub comes and hopefully it will take both of your minds off the meet and greet!



    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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