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  1. #1
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    Default I need HELP- severe ANGER in pregnancy

    I am in last stages of my pregnancy and am desperate for some advice and help.

    I have a severe mood disorder which has only become worse with this pregnancy. I fly off the handle BIG time and I'm absolutely petrified that my unborn baby has been affected by my behaviour.

    I cannot control these episodes of rage and they can last anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour. During these times I:

    * Scream and cry, beyond control
    * seethe with rage
    * punch and kick holes in the walls
    * double over on my hands and knees screaming/crying/raging

    Think of the worst emotional breakdown you've ever had- then times it by 100 and that is how I get.

    I am sick with worry that my unborn baby has been ruined mentally by these outbursts.

    However, about 80% of the time, I am FINE. This only occurs as an extreme reaction to stress... like today, a fight with DP and he walked out for an hour and I was left alone and had a very severe "episode", possibly the worst I've ever had during this entire pregnancy.

    This was about an hour ago.. I have now calmed down considerably and am sitting here breathing in lavandar oil to help me.

    I hate myself for being this way. I know I need help. Please don't judge me.

    My question is, can these random, infrequent (maybe once a fortnight they are really bad) breakdowns hurt my baby? Have I caused irreversible damage??? I am disgusted and horrified that I may have hurt this innocent baby with my anger issues.

    Has anyone else been through a similar experience?

  2. #2
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    From what iv read mothers moods can affect/stress out bub unfortunately, have you thought about talking to a councillor? Especially before the baby is born, hope you get help Hun, maybe they can give you some sort of tips on how to control yourself or maybe you have underlying depression that can be controlled by meds? how stressful for you that you can't control it x

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    I do have depression as well as anxiety.

    I am so ashamed of myself and wish I could stop but I don't seem to have any control over these outbursts; it's like I'm outside of myself and I just explode and become this raving lunatic. I am sickened that this could have a negative affect on this baby. I will never forgive myself if I have somehow hurt this unborn baby. I would die for this baby. I spend hours after these episodes rubbing my belly apologising to her for being this way. But i feel it could be too little too late. The poor thing isn't even here yet and my mental illness may have already screwed her up.
    I hate myself for being this person.

    What have I done???
    Is it possible she will emerge unscathed? I hope so, I love her more than life itself and am overwhelmed with guilt.
    Last edited by endofmyrope; 27-06-2012 at 18:07.

  5. #4
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    I think it's possible for her to emerge unscathed. You obviously care so much about your little girl.

    I think you should see a counsellor and additionally, try to find some techniques to help calm you down before your rage gets out of control. In utero is one thing but when your bub is born you don't want her witnessing that and thinking it's the normal way to vent anger.

    Not saying you would, but you also don't want to get to the point where you direct that anger at your baby.

    Trying going for walks, meditation, listening to calming music, channeling your anger into something productive like crafts or maybe going for a swim.

    I understand it's more complex than this but this might help a bit. Good luck, and your baby loves you. Don't worry about the past just concentrate on how you'll manage episodes in the future x

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    I'm not sure about the chances of your baby being unscathed but perhaps instead of worrying about the damage you may have already done, I would spend my time and energy on preventing damage in the future - as PP said - especially when she's born.
    I think it is something that would be worth finding a professional who you trust and working through your issues with them.
    Good luck.

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    today was an eye opener. I have just spent most of this evening at my doctors after my body went into some sort of shock or panic attack. I had pins and needles up my arm and across my face, my lips went numb, all because of this stress and the panic at the thought of having hurt this baby. I needed to be monitered as my blood pressure was high and he wouldn't allow me to leave until it settles. He tested my urine and did a test of some sort then and there, I suppose in case my "attack" was baby/pregnancy related- it wasn't, ofcourse, it was from my earlier meltdown.

    I have made a decision, from this point forward, to do whatever it taked to remain calm.. DP and I had a chat with the doctor as well.. he said that the baby is most likely unaware and not to worry about that, just focus on controlling myself from now on.
    My anger would have never been directed at the baby once she is born (I have another child who has never witnessed this behaviour either, thank god), it's something I do to myself.. never around others, it's like a ticking time bomb that goes off internally and that's when I lose control.
    Thank you for the advice. It's something I needed to seriously address and this is a start.

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    It's the progesterone and it will drop immediately after birth. I had something similar only with paranoia and insomnia. Your baby will be fine. Absolutely fine. Severe prolonged stress impacts on babies. War zones, domestic violence, that kind of thing. The odd half hour of anything is fine. Most pregnant mothers of toddlers have daily outbursts! Relax. Go for a swim. Talk to somebody about it, and you will both be fine.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SPC View Post
    It's the progesterone and it will drop immediately after birth. I had something similar only with paranoia and insomnia. Your baby will be fine. Absolutely fine. Severe prolonged stress impacts on babies. War zones, domestic violence, that kind of thing. The odd half hour of anything is fine. Most pregnant mothers of toddlers have daily outbursts! Relax. Go for a swim. Talk to somebody about it, and you will both be fine.
    I could hug you. I am making myself sick with worry over the well being of this baby and in turn that is causing stress which is what i should be avoiding in the first place!
    I have just re read my posts, and to an outsider, I must be coming across as an absolute basket case, capable of god knows what. Yes, I rage. I scream, I cry. Today I threw a full soda bottle at the wall and it left a dent.
    But, it's not like 100% of the time. I know that this type of behaviour at ANY level is terrible, but I'm not a mad woman who could harm her children... I don't even smack my DS, I'm actually quite the opposite.
    But what pp's have said is true, my children should never be at risk of being subjected to my "outbursts". And the fact that my unborn doesn't have a choice when i lose control has sickened me, to the point of me ending up at my doctors tonight.
    I knew it was massively worse because of hormones during this pregnancy.. the anger I sometimes feel, I honestly just seethe and see red over relatively minor issues.

    SPC, your words have done wonders and I'm sure you're right.
    When my daughter arrives in a few weeks I'm am going to love her as much as any mother could love their child and do everything within my power to ensure she has a normal and healthy homelife. And hopefully things do settle inside me after the birth. I must vow to control myself.

    It is of tremendous reassurance hearing your advice, SPC.

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    Oh, and the paranoia and insomnia you mentioned? I think this entire thread has shown my paranoia. Also, I am barely getting 2 hours of solid sleep a night lately. I had no idea it could be anything besides "normal" pregnancy symptoms.

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    You sound like you love your children so much, so beautiful to hear mummies saying how much they love their honeys

    It's good you recognize your behaviors and are doing everything you can to stop them, just make sure you don't hurt yourself hitting something etc, it's not only about worrying about your children but also yourself.

    Ooh hey I have a idea, go get a big punching bag and hang it out the back or in a shed, if you feel you need to let loose just walk out the back and go for it!! KPOW!! I could do with one of them haha!

    Good luck with everything


 

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