I am in last stages of my pregnancy and am desperate for some advice and help.
I have a severe mood disorder which has only become worse with this pregnancy. I fly off the handle BIG time and I'm absolutely petrified that my unborn baby has been affected by my behaviour.
I cannot control these episodes of rage and they can last anywhere from 5 minutes to half an hour. During these times I:
* Scream and cry, beyond control
* seethe with rage
* punch and kick holes in the walls
* double over on my hands and knees screaming/crying/raging
Think of the worst emotional breakdown you've ever had- then times it by 100 and that is how I get.
I am sick with worry that my unborn baby has been ruined mentally by these outbursts.
However, about 80% of the time, I am FINE. This only occurs as an extreme reaction to stress... like today, a fight with DP and he walked out for an hour and I was left alone and had a very severe "episode", possibly the worst I've ever had during this entire pregnancy.
This was about an hour ago.. I have now calmed down considerably and am sitting here breathing in lavandar oil to help me.
I hate myself for being this way. I know I need help. Please don't judge me.
My question is, can these random, infrequent (maybe once a fortnight they are really bad) breakdowns hurt my baby? Have I caused irreversible damage??? I am disgusted and horrified that I may have hurt this innocent baby with my anger issues.
Has anyone else been through a similar experience?