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  1. #11
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    Yes, I think he should move out in the best interest of his child.

  2. #12
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    Wow ... I'm quietly freaking out about all this advice to leave him.

    Yes he sounds like a total a$$ bit you haven't mentioned anything about if he has medical/mental health issues, traumatic experiences in the past ... So I'm finding it hard to rush to this judgement ... Not that it excuses his behaviour but I wonder if there is an underlying reason?

    Clearly something does need to happen ... Do u want to still be with him? (if the lines of communication are open and it becomes more of a partnership)

    If so I would tell him that something needs to change you can't live like this and you don't want your child raised in this environment. Personally I would give him an ultimatum ... You undergo relationship counseling or you prefer that HE moves out. If he says no to counseling and no to moving out I would be ready for it and have somewhere arranged (friend or family?) for you and dd to go to.

    Dr Phil always says ... It's better for a child to be from a broken home than to live in one"

    Good luck xxx

  3. #13
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    Is it possible for him to move into another room of the house and you live together but seperated until he has time to find some where more reliable, get his head around thing and maybe even try couples sessions like a pp mentioned if he is willing?

    What would you do about him seeing Your DD though? You say he isn't very hands on at the moment so maybe living together but seperated and him being responsible for your DD every 2nd weekend will help him to be a better single dad iykwim? So you know he and DD are comfortable wirh the changes befor he moves out!
    Hope that makes sense

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  4. #14
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    Ulysses is offline In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be.
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    Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at the moment.

    I would consider therapy for you both as a couple where a third party can help you work out if there is a future between you both.

    But to be honest it does sound as though you are leaning towards leaving, and if you were to look inside yourself the answer is already there - but being brave enough to see it is the harder thing.

    Good luck with it all, you deserve to be happy.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smartiecat View Post
    Wow ... I'm quietly freaking out about all this advice to leave him.

    Yes he sounds like a total a$$ bit you haven't mentioned anything about if he has medical/mental health issues, traumatic experiences in the past ... So I'm finding it hard to rush to this judgement ... Not that it excuses his behaviour but I wonder if there is an underlying reason?

    Clearly something does need to happen ... Do u want to still be with him? (if the lines of communication are open and it becomes more of a partnership)

    If so I would tell him that something needs to change you can't live like this and you don't want your child raised in this environment. Personally I would give him an ultimatum ... You undergo relationship counseling or you prefer that HE moves out. If he says no to counseling and no to moving out I would be ready for it and have somewhere arranged (friend or family?) for you and dd to go to.

    Dr Phil always says ... It's better for a child to be from a broken home than to live in one"

    Good luck xxx
    He did have a rough upbringing, but he's always the first to say that people shouldn't blame their past and expect the world to owe them something. So while he doesn't think the world owes him something... he seems to think I'm around to look after him and almost why should he bother changing IYKWIM? Which is possibly my fault, I tend to "mother" people I care about, but I'd have thought a grown man with a family would want to step up at some point?!

    It's hard to admit, but I don't think I want to be with him. I imagine me life as happier, healthier and easier without him. But apart of me is still scared. I don't know if it's because I'm scared of being alone, or because I'm worried about him. I do care about him, when things are good we get along so well and are best friends, he's a great dad, well a great dad in regards to how he is with DD if that makes sense, not so much the other side of parenting - cooking, cleaning, working, providing a good home etc.

    But then I think, well what if he changed, would I want to then? It's hard to even imagine because I just can't even see him changing. He seems happy with how his life is now? I guess you would if you were lazy, a wife who does everything and an amazing DD who you only deal with when she's fun, in a good mood, and not the little terror side when you take her shopping, when she's tired, when she won't eat dinner and all that exhausting stuff.

    Thanks for the reply xx

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybumblebee View Post
    Is it possible for him to move into another room of the house and you live together but seperated until he has time to find some where more reliable, get his head around thing and maybe even try couples sessions like a pp mentioned if he is willing?

    What would you do about him seeing Your DD though? You say he isn't very hands on at the moment so maybe living together but seperated and him being responsible for your DD every 2nd weekend will help him to be a better single dad iykwim? So you know he and DD are comfortable wirh the changes befor he moves out!
    Hope that makes sense

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

    We have a small house so we're practically on top of each other as it is. He has a good friend who lives near us who is also very close with DD (sort of like an uncle/close family friend) so if he could go there it would be ideal as I know she'd be safe if she visited.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to undercoverhubber2 For This Useful Post:

    babybumblebee  (27-06-2012)

  8. #17
    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
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    Quote Originally Posted by undercoverhubber2 View Post
    That is a really good point... I'd definitely be telling her to leave him.

    It sounds so easy, but I'd have no idea how to even go about it
    I'm sorry your going thro this. Maybe you could call a woman's refuge? Or maybe stay at a friends, leave when his working one day, write him a not or don't, or talk to a lawyer first? I'm sorry xxx

  9. #18
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    Do you still love him and want to go for marriage counselling? Or do you only feel like he's someone that you are responsible for? Does he know that you're serious about leaving him if he doesn't try to get his life more organised?

    Sent from my U20i using BubHub

  10. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by lovesushi View Post
    Do you still love him and want to go for marriage counselling? Or do you only feel like he's someone that you are responsible for? Does he know that you're serious about leaving him if he doesn't try to get his life more organised?

    Sent from my U20i using BubHub
    It's reached the point where I think I just feel like he's someone I'm responsible for

    When we seperated last year I made it clear what had to change, and it just hasn't... so I would think it wouldn't be a huge surprise this time around.

    I think I know what I need to do... I think just getting it all out on here made me realise it a little more!

    Thank you so much everyone for your replies, this is why I love the hub, it can be so supportive

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to undercoverhubber2 For This Useful Post:

    lovesushi  (27-06-2012)


 

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