Hi all. I'm undercover as I am really paranoid this could get traced back to me and potentially my DH before I have my head around it all. I don't know if I'm looking for advice, sympathy or just need a huge vent!
I am at a complete loss as to what to do when it comes to my DH. We are constantly fighting, or even worse, just not talking. I have a long list of issues as to why I'm mad at him. Some of which include, he's 30 and doesn't have his licence, I do EVERYTHING, and I mean everything! I cook, clean, shop, drive everywhere, do everything relating to our child and on top of this, I work a 40hr+ week. I feel like he does NOTHING, except drink beer and play video games, or go to his sporting committments (which, by the way, really eat into our weekly budget grrr).
I have also spent a lot of time in and out of hospital over the last year due to a range of problems. The last visit I was there he didn't come and see me as his work was at an extremely busy time of year, yet the week later he was happy to call in sick when he was hungover?!
I have tried to get him to get his licence. I have even booked lessons for him, encouraged him to go driving, my family have even offered to help him but he just gave up on that idea about 6 months ago. I brought it up again about 3 months ago and told him I really need him to do it, as I'm just not coping having to do everything - I also said he needed to organise it, as I'm not his mum and I can't always do everything for him. He still hasn't organised it! When I asked why, he said he never gets the chance to make calls at work. Which I know is hard in his job, however, when he needs to make a call for his personal needs (discussing footy plans etc) he seems to manage fine?!
The worst thing is, when I try and communicate what I'm feeling to him, he automatically gets on the defensive. He either sulks and makes excuses or he just tries and turns things around on me, by bringing up things I've done in the past which have absolutely zero relevance as to what we're talking about.
We tried a trial seperation last year but he really played on my insecurities to make sure I didn't leave for good. He constantly kept saying things like "who would want to be with a single mum like you?" and "you have no friends outside of me and my group, who would you spend time with?" which at the time was true, because of him I lost all of my friends as he is so jealous and controlling. But now I have a great supportive group of friends who I made on my own, who have nothing to do with him.
I just don't think I can do it anymore. He is my best friend and I care a lot about him, but I feel like I have two kids. When it's just me and bub at home I feel so much more at ease, just the two of us. However when he's there too... I'm just stressed to the max which isn't good for our child either.
I think I know I want him to leave... but part of me just thinks, where will he go?! Who will look after him? He also earns about half the income that I do so I worry about him financially too. He has a horrible family with zero support and I can't help but feel bad if he doesn't have us, but at the same time it's killing me being with him.
I just don't know what to do I'm so mentally exhausted by this all.
Sorry for the long, all over the place vent!!!!