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  1. #21
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    Regardless of what she spent the money on it wasn't very honest what she did.
    If she fully intended on doing that then maybe she should have been honest and said she was struggling financially and would appreciate being helped out that way rather than have gifts bought.
    Too ashamed to ask for help? Don't take someone's money sneakily then!

    Extremely rude OP, I'd be very annoyed. I wouldn't ask for it back but I would probably limit contact.

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    LivinOnAPrayer  (28-06-2012)

  3. #22
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    I can see why it's disappointing for you but it's hard to judge without knowing why she spent the money on something else. It would be near impossible to leave a sum of money for a non-essential purpose if you needed it for an essential purpose.

    I'd rather assume the best in people and that if she spent it elsewhere, there was a good reason for it. If you helped her family keep their head above water, that was a precious gift!

  4. #23
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    I think she has huge financial issues- the single parent payments aren't a lot but with 4 kids and one beign a new bub -means baby bonus is sitting there somewhere -she surely didnt have to use the OPs gift for something- I hope that it went to something worthwhile and actually needed-fair enough if she was really strugglign but seem speopel forget oyu DO get that baby bonus still after havign a baby so technically she shoudlnt be struggling at the moment.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    If she's NEEDING the help from the church, which is quite hard to get, and even when you do, it's no where near as much as they need, because all charities have a budget that they need to make stretch to cover as many people as they possibly can, if they NEED the help from their family(which gets humiliating to ask for), and if you pop your head into the single parents section on THIS forum, you would know how very little a single parent gets from the government and how hard it can be to make it cover ONE child, let alone four, then yes, it is possible that she got a large bill that needed to be covered.
    i don't need to pop my head into that forum to see what a single parent gets from the government, and it is actually more than i was earning from working!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Alternatively, put yourself in the position of the woman: Can barely pay bills or buy food and you have to rely on charities, etc, to support yourself and four children. You had the opportunity to get yourself and ALL your children ahead, rather than just have some pretty pictures(no offence, I'm sure they're very nice, but yeah), and so rather than get the photos done when you realised you could get some of the photos for free(I'm fairly sure I read this part. I could be wrong. I'm very tired atm), wouldn't you? What about if she has a car and suddenly registration's due? The car suddenly broke down, and with four children, I'm thinking a car is one of those modern day life necessities, and struggling for money as much as she has been, she wouldn't have been able to put money away to have the repairs done.
    i have been in her position! and no, i wouldn't spend money that was given as a gift for a purpose that we had agreed on without discussing it with the person first! the photo shoots cost hundreds of dollars, and you can only get the free photo once you've had the photo shoot! as op said, she wouldn't have given her so much money if it had been just for anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    So, what would you do in this situation? Would you return a gift of money, that as GIFTED to you, when you actually have the thing the money was for, which was why money was given to begin with, at the expense of your children, or would you put it toward making yours and your childrens life easier? Then how would you react if someone questioned you on what you spent YOUR gift on, and then demanded the money back?
    the GIFT was a photo shoot for her and her kids... not a cash gift!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    And when you answer, I really hope you look VERY deep down, put yourself into this situation, then answer truthfully.
    i don't need to look VERY deep down! i have been there!! and i did answer truthfully, the first time!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Would YOU put a photo, which in essence is just a collection of pretty pictures(that you ended up getting for FREE), ahead of your own childs health and well being?
    was the child sick or in danger????

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I am sorry if you took my post in an attacking/angry way. I know, particularly when I'm tired, things come off harsher than I intend them to be. I just find a lot of people on the forum prefer the "Grab a torch and pitchfork" approach to things like this and forget that the other person is human, with thoughts, feelings and reasons behind what they do and extremely rarely do we get the other side of things to make an informed decision.
    i don't think it was attacking/anry, but patronising maybe?? all people are human with thoughts feelings and reasons why they do things, not just single parents! OP may not be int the best financial position, but wanted to do something nice for her cousing who otherwaise could not afford to get proffessional family photos done?? like you said, we rarely get all sides of the story to make an informed decision!

    as i said in my other post, no offence was intended! but i would NEVER spend a large amount of money that was given to me for a specific purpose (after agreeing that is what i would like as a gift) for something else, it's rude, plain and simple! and if it was for an emergency, why not answer OP's phone calls????

  6. #25
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    Sorry you've lost my sympathies. You clearly think single parents are living the high life. Maybe just ask her why she spent the money rather than making assumptions. Now I'm off to spend the riches I get as a single parent.

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  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    Sorry you've lost my sympathies. You clearly think single parents are living the high life. Maybe just ask her why she spent the money rather than making assumptions. Now I'm off to spend the riches I get as a single parent.
    The OP said she had been a single mum...?

    And that her cousin isn't returning her calls - so she can't ask.





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  9. #27
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    And I'm not denying that single mum's have it hard though. Or that c'link provides enough for anyone to live the high life. But being a single parent or a partnered parent, or whoever they are, doesn't exempt someone from being courteous to someone who's tried to do something nice.

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  11. #28
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    it is extrememly rude. Lesson learnt i guess.
    Ive worked in welfare, and yes actually, churches and other community organisations can help out a LOT. Full bills paid, rego paid, rent paid, food delivered etc.

    Theres still no excuse for spending money specifically gifted for a purpose, on something else.

  12. #29
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    So if someone gave me money for a microwave, but I didn't need one, I wanted a tv (just examples) I couldn't spend that on what I needed? Maybe she really didn't want a photo shoot. I wouldn't. Or maybe she needed the money for now and plans to get the shoot at a later date? Or maybe she used it on something she liked. Really, it's not all that different to the thousands of people who take back their unwanted presents every year and trade them for something they like. I truly would loathe getting a photo shoot as a gift, and I probably would give it to someone else, so maybe it just wasn't her thing.

  13. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    So if someone gave me money for a microwave, but I didn't need one, I wanted a tv (just examples) I couldn't spend that on what I needed? Maybe she really didn't want a photo shoot. I wouldn't. Or maybe she needed the money for now and plans to get the shoot at a later date? Or maybe she used it on something she liked. Really, it's not all that different to the thousands of people who take back their unwanted presents every year and trade them for something they like. I truly would loathe getting a photo shoot as a gift, and I probably would give it to someone else, so maybe it just wasn't her thing.
    The difference would be if you discussed with the gift giver that you wanted a microwave, that was out of the givers budget, but she gave you the money anyway. Then bought a tv. And didn't answer/return the gift givers calls.

    OP - would that be more accurate?

    I have had a friend book me a pregnancy photoshoot and I told her up front I didn't want it. I could never have accepted the money for it and spent it how I saw fit.

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