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  1. #1
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    Default Dating.... would you 'settle'?

    Over the weekend a group of my girlfriends (mostly who are partnered) got together and got on the subject the 'treat 'em mean, keep them keen' type men. It seems this is the type of man i go for

    Got us thinking.... would we 'settle'? If a nice, genuine guy came along that adored us, would we settle for that if we did care for them but werent insanely mad about them? Would the feelings grown?

    I am unsure i could. I would think i would feel guilty for it somehow.

    Could you?

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    I married the nice guy
    My whole life I'd gone for the guys you really shouldn't. Had my heart broken many times!!!
    Then along came Mr Nice guy that I kept thinking nah he's not my type but here we are 7 years later, married, 4 beautiful daughters. Life is awesome and I'm finally getting treated the way I deserve..
    And to answer the question Yes the feelings do grow, it took awhile but the wait was worth it!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bennos Mummy View Post
    Over the weekend a group of my girlfriends (mostly who are partnered) got together and got on the subject the 'treat 'em mean, keep them keen' type men. It seems this is the type of man i go for

    Got us thinking.... would we 'settle'? If a nice, genuine guy came along that adored us, would we settle for that if we did care for them but werent insanely mad about them? Would the feelings grown?

    I am unsure i could. I would think i would feel guilty for it somehow.

    Could you?
    I did this with my exH. Was never ever madly passionate about him but he was great company and a really nice guy. I can imagine us being great friends again sometime down the track.

    But we were like best friends going through the motions of what came next in a relationship. It wasn't wrong - it just wasn't right.

    I'd like to think that one day I'll find someone I'm hot for. But not necessarily a 'treat em mean' type guy.

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    I wouldn't if I wasn't insanely mad about him - I was just lucky that I *was* insanely mad about the mr nice guy! I've never been happier, it's so nice being treated like I'm special and somebody cares about me. There is no better feeling in the world.

    Before I met DP I was with a 'treat em mean' kinda guy - I was really attracted to him but he screwed me over and I had to put my DS and myself first and tell him to sod off.

    They are NOT WORTH IT no matter how hot you think they are. Trust me!

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    I personally would never settle on someone I was just 'ok' about. A long term relationship that lasts decades has to have some passion and love and I'm talking sexually but emotional passion.

    I actually broke up with a guy before I got with my DH that kind of was only so so on me. After about 5 months he just wasn't in to me like I wanted and needed him to. Then I got with DH

    I don't think a nice guy has to be boring. Hell they can be the most passionate lovers, the most romantic, caring and faithful people.

    I would be asking yourself why do you go for the guys that treat you bad? what purpose does it serve? once you get to the bottom of that, you can address those issues and seek someone that treats you right.

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    I personally wouldn't 'settle' but that's probably because i didn't. I was 'mad' about DH right from the beginning.

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    I have no idea.

    I think some women expect perfection though, and expect you to fall head over heels like female characters do in romance movies... and will settle for nothing less. I think they're setting themselves up for likely disappointment, and are probably turning down many lovely men who they could happily share a life with because of their OTT expectations.

    I love my partner, because there is passion there. We fight and we're flawed, but there's always passion, at least from one of us, and if it's not love, then it's the passion about whatever issue we're battling about or whatever... there's always some sort of passion. I don't think I could settle for something that lacked passion... because I kind of like those fiery moments in life...

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  9. #8
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Honestly, I probably would. Maybe not with someone who was mad about me as well (I think that'd be unfair) but if I found myself in a situation where I was really lonely and wanted that companionship you get in a relationship and met someone in a similar boat and thought we could work something out? Yes I think I would.

    Luckily, I'm crazy about DP - but if it hadn't panned out this way, it wouldn't be something I'd totally rule out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I would be asking yourself why do you go for the guys that treat you bad? what purpose does it serve? once you get to the bottom of that, you can address those issues and seek someone that treats you right.
    I wish i knew I am working on it though. I just cut off a relationship that i saw heading in the same path as my FOB. I can only put it down to being so independant and self reliant.

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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    I wouldn't settle, no. Because I can't see a life of happiness in just settling. I did however meet the nice guy and he is wonderful and the person I connect with the best. We do have our times and have been doing it a bit tough lately but he is definately my other half. We just 'fit' and although I am uncertain if I would get married again (the exh really scared me on the idea) I think I would consider it if he wanted too. But presently he doesn't either.


 

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